| 20 comments ]

DeTrain, over at UM, has taken his hand to being funnay by lampooning various prominent GAs, suggesting what they will speak about in this next April's General Conference. Naturally, the faithful are offended while the critical are amused. A predictable reaction to a droll attempt at hackneyed humor. Yawn.

Never one to turn the other cheek, lets try this again, shall we?

Major Scoop!

We here at SN are willing to spare no effort to please the Bloggernacle. In order to get a partial agenda for April's Bloggernacle Dissident Conference, we roughed up a blog administrator, impersonated the corpse of Miranda Park-Jones, and distracted the Founders Committee with a delicious slice of humble pie.

Death-Train: "Picking at motes is easier than repenting, and I am all about doing the easy thing, just look at me."

Ned Flanders: "Why serving a mission when you shouldn't have proves God doesn't exist."

Watt Mahoun: "Post-Mormon and Post-Modern:How to justify the rationale of the name of your blog by redefining the meaning of words."

Spear and Magic Hellmut Lotz: "Reinterpreting the Gospel to fit your Political and Religious Agenda:How to learn enough to convince yourself you are right and everyone else is wrong, but not enough to realize you are wrong, and promote yourself all the way."

Dangerously Lazy Mike: "Advanced Fence Sitting, have your cake and eat it too."

Crystal: "Being a Molly Sucks:One foot in the world"

| 3 comments ]

Hey everyone, we here at the SnarkerNacle want to thank all of you for being as crass, rude, irritable, sarcastic and as angry as we are. And, as such, we won "Best New Blog of the Year", which is actually kind of neato. I mean, who wouldn't want to win all the free canned extra sweet corn they can eat for a year?

We'd like to thank Joaquin Phoneix for having a frog come out of his head, and Lindsay Lohan for being a pathologically lying bulemic, and Britney Spears for loving Cheetos, and Kevin FeDERRRline for having a keen ear for great new tracks. UPDATE: Hawt New K-Fed PoPoZao Remix.

But, most of all, we want to thank all of the people we have poked fun at here on the Nacle, most of whom are wonderful jolly good sports who can laugh at themselves. You are, by and large, a gracious lot and we would have you over to dinner if you lived next door, but you don't, but its the thought that counts, right? And, for those select few of you who bristle at being lampooned, we eagerly anticipate cutting you down to size every time you make a fool of yourself publicly.

| 7 comments ]


Tracy M, is the high priestess of the porcelain goddess. The tips she offers are invaluable, so we recommend a thorough read and some practice runs, so you will be in top form for the big day when a command performance is required.

I don't know about you, but I am going to go get a pork sandwich, some poutine and a strawberry milkshake for lunch. MmmmmHmmmmm... blllllaaaaarggggghhh!

| 4 comments ]

J.Stapley wants you to know Coffee is good for you, and not addictive. Yup, thats right folks. Not addictive. Good for you. Research proves it:

Much of this research is funded, directly or indirectly, by coffee producers. While these findings are open to criticism, they directly rebut the most common claims against caffeinated coffee.

Just ask Starbucks whether coffee is good for you.


Zippit Joseph Smith. Research proves coffee is good for you.

| 3 comments ]

Aaron B. Cox, in his inimitable style, shot off his mouth and got slapped down for it, just like old times. Maybe Christian hasn't quite divorced. Himself from Aaron. After all. Birds. Of a feather. Flock together.

| 9 comments ]

The Nacle's favorite less-active, Ned Flanders, wants people to stop proselyting, because trying to spead the gospel is such a total waste of time (especially since the only people who are interested are fringer nutters eager to be plugged into a ready-to-order social network), and you could be driking hot chocolate, watching TV, or doing something else totally self-indulgent. I mean, who gives a crap about their neighbor, right? Sowing seeds? BAH!

So, um, Ned, as the parable goes, some of the seeds fell among fertile soil and grew and produced seed, an hundred fold. Had nobody sowed those seeds, including the ones that fell among the infertile soil, then not even the ones that produced an hundred fold would have been planted.

| 5 comments ]

Rebecca at FMH lurves Bon Jovi because "they ROCK". Under the guise of it being a life long dream to see them live, Rebecca evangelizes the 80's era hair metal band.

However, in-depth covert rigorous investigative reporting, at great personal risk to the Snarker itself, has revealed Rebecca is in fact the President of Operation Bon Jovi and is angling for a personal meeting with Jon, who is wanted dead or alive. While rumors of his impending demise, owing to imbibing some bad medicine, are vastly overstated, it is unlikely he will be the last man standing, although his recent personal religious revival has him living on a prayer. Never one to let the fans down, Jon wants them to know he will go out in a blaze of glory no matter what, and he wants them all to have a nice day.

P.S., for all JBV fans, the playlist for recent shows and all upcoming shows available here, since all of the shows are highly scripted, totally rehearsed and virtually identical. Cuz that is the story of his life.

| 2 comments ]

Ah, we all yearn for the simpler days, back when a rated "R" movie really was something to be avoided. Now, it is all so confusing, with a little bit of the "hair of the feet" fetching an "NC-17" (e.g., The Cooler) while people bludgeoning, slicing, or machine gunning each other to death only gets an "R" (e.g., anything in the theatres at any given moment), a fully clothed gal with an alternative lifestyle pets the kitty and gets an "NC-17" (e.g., But I'm A Cheerleader) while a completely nekkid one in a bathtub doing the same gets a "PG-13" (e.g., Pleasantville). Oh, the confusion. Its enough to make a sane person stop watching movies altogether and pick up a good book.

Ah, but, we aren't sane, are we? No, or course not, don't be stupid. And, so Rusty brings to our attention that the whole ratings thing is a crock anyway, as he vainly hopes "this movie will tear down the myth of the importance of the ratings system within the Mormon culture...but I’m not holding my breath". Good thing, Rusty, cuz if you were, you'd be the same colour as the background on your blog.

Anything not rated G or PG today is pretty much what President Kimball had in mind, way back when, he said rated "R" was straight out. But, that would mean you miss all of that wonderful cinema. All of that brilliant dialogue, and stunning artistry, and moving soundtracks, and wonderful costumes, and...all that...um....good stuff.

All I know is Ang Lee will laugh all the way to the bank as he touts "the power of movies to change the way we're thinking", to convince Red America that gay adultery is cool and ignore Alexander Pope’s warning that:

Vice is a monster of so frightful mein
as to be hated needs but to be seen;
Yet seen too oft, familiar with her face,
We first endure, then pity, then embrace.

| 5 comments ]

Kiskilili at Zelophehad's Daughters (say that three times fast, and BTW why arent these gals actually using the real names of Zelophedad's daughters as their pseudonyms?) repeats a bunch of stuff about women in heaven, all of which is the totally speculative nonsense that gets kicked around at church, and then says:

"In short, I'm not at all sure what exactly the women in heaven are doing, but I've become increasingly convinced I would rather not be doing it."

Kiskilili, what if it turns out women are the ones in charge in heaven and the reason men are all we hear about is because they are, literally, the low men on the totem pole? Huh? Look at what you would be passing up. And what if its the men who are the messenger boys? And all those exalted women in heaven are just sitting around, eternally slender, eating bon bons and watching Oprah all eternity? Wouldn't that be to kill for? Come on! Then again, maybe that bumbling God you refer to will just have women spirits evaporate, since they aren't necessary and He can just make all those spirits from scratch at will, so you really don't need to worry about an afterlife anyway, Kiskililili.

| 3 comments ]

I don't know about you, but I have no idea what the heck J is trying to say here. And, you know what, I don't think Ronan does either. I mean, I read this thing like seven times, and I still cannot make heads nor tails of it. I read the title and was all "OK, this is going to be about Mitt running for President". But, no, its about...errrr...Mormons...and polygamy...and...uhhhhh...something or other about it would be different if it wasn't us because we're all really libertarians and not conservatives...I guess...or maybe he just is...crud...I honestly have no idea.


So much for Stapley keeping the momentum of guest bloggers at T&S going. But, then, maybe J is trying to fit in with the rest of the T&S permabores, bein all abstruce and whatnot. I don't recall him writing anything like that back over on BCC. I guess the rarified air of the ivory tower has got to him some. Or, maybe J is looking to jump ship from BCC to T&S and is just trying to sound all high-minded and lawyery to fit in.

| 3 comments ]

D. Golden Shizzle my Wizzle has discovered FMHLisa is not happy because she spends way too much time sucking pickles. Wow, whooda thot? Good diagnosis there, Dr. Freud.

Now, we here at the SnarkerCackle like to snark more than anyone, but somehow, call it chihuahua's intuition, we know better than to taunt a serious feminist woman with phallic symbols.

Shiz, just between you and me, if you ever run into her, she is going to kill you. And they won't ever find your body. Ever.

| 11 comments ]

KristenJ may be worried about saying "crap", because she is setting a bad example for fault-finding kiddies. But, the Old Testament is full of all sorts of nasty bits. How is a parent supposed to deal with this!?! I mean, you want your kids to read the Scriptures, but they contain stuff that talks about... stuff that...its...urrmmm...well...you know...THAT...IT....THOSE THINGIES...

Anyway, to help good Mormon parents of all stripes decipher Biblical euphemisms, here is the SnarkerNacle's guide to Biblical Bits and Unmentionables:

Put the hand in the thigh Knee surgery

Perform the duty of a brother-in-law to her To berate or belittle a woman, generally act like a jerk

To speak mouth-to-mouth Not use the telephone or internet

I will lift up your skirt over your face Insist she return clothing for refund

Cover his feet Buy some new shoes

Sit down outside No comfortable chairs in the house

Knew her not Woman that is old

Don't go near a woman Dude, you need a bath

came to her into the bed of love Deliver a

Touch a woman Say something thoughtful and genuinely heartfelt

Fallen asleep Narcolepsy

Seed To be observed with the eyes

Lift the cover of his feet and lie down

Do not give your strength to women Women are prohibited from using androsteroidal compounds

defiled his father's bed Pillow fight among siblings

uncover his nakedness Prove he does not in fact own canvas-topped gum-soled athletic shoes.

bloody flux Swear an oath

Any others we forgot?

| 1 comments ]

So anyone want to guess how long before Kaimi is thrown off the list of T&S permabores? Since the bulk of the T&S permabores are either hostile or apathetic towards joining up with the Mormon Archipelago, Kaimi has taken it upon himself to post "Around the Blogs" entries wherein he explicitly acknowledges the existence of other Mormon blogs and even dares link to them. Without doubt, this is steering highly coveted traffic away from T&S, so Adam, Nate, and who knows who else are probably clawing their eyes, tearing their scalps and rending their garments in anger and frustration, as they plot their coup d'├ętat.

| 0 comments ]



Well, GeoffJ's take-no-prisoners two week long looting and pillaging of T&S is finally over, and T&S has only barely just recovered. It takes them a couple of days to clean up the mess and get back online, but when they do its just a lightweight current events post, nothing particularly awe inspiring. All that mopping up just had the T&S permabores plain old worn out and depressed. But, got to give them credit for being good folks who know how to take a beating graciously.

Alas, with the end of the onlaught also comes the end of GeoffJ's inexorable pimpin of the Thang and the Mormon Archipelago. No less than 8, yes, eight, count them, backlinks to GeoffJ's own thangy blog, and that is just in the last post. Hoooweeee! Hey, if there was a T&S reader who wasn't aware of the Thang or the MA before, they sure know about them now. Nice work there Geoff! Wink wink, nudge nudge. Don't be too surprised if someone just happens to delete all those links now that your 2 week tenure is up. Oh, yeah, and we are pleased to announce that GeoffJ will be guest blogging here at the SNacle next week. (JK) Not that Goeff would want to bring that to your attention or anything though.

And, now that J.Stapley is up for a run as guest blogger there at T&S, lets see if he can backlink to Splendid Sun as prolifically as did his forebear.

| 1 comments ]

In the ongoing battle for the title "Queens of Edgy" between TftC and MMW, MMW is blazing new territory. Bewbs are so last week. Tracy broaches the subject, and Heather lets us know Nate Jr. unloads his pump action .410 gage shotgun into any available target given the opportunity. Hmmmm, makes you wonder where Nate Jr. picked that one up. On the other hand, probably better not to think about it since nausea is setting in.

But, TftC responded quickly with Chloe confessing she is a stroller whore and not in the least bit apologetic about it. Who knew there was a burgeoning market for pimped out baby buggies? Maybe Chloe should e-mail Xzibit and ask him to add strollers here. Wassup y'all, sucka please, don't be hatin the chromed Bumbleride, yo. Werrrdup.

While the Stroller Whore confessional got a unanimous thumbs up, the vote here at SN is MMW won yesterday's round with the manhandling bit. We can hardly wait to see what TftC retaliates with today!!!

| 0 comments ]

GoofB at the Millennial Black Hole (M0) got nuthin so he dredges up some of the standard rubbish, with the help of the tired news cycle, to get people commenting: Gay Rights and Evolution.

GoofB says "It should be fun to watch this debate (the one in Utah, I mean, not the inevitable 'anybody who doesn't believe in evolution is stupid' debates that break out on M*)." Urrrmmm, GoofB, you are the one who is starting the "anybody who doesn't believe in evolution is stupid" thing you are complaining about by writing such a lame post to M0 in the first place. Nothing like self-immolation to prove your point. Yech.

Next up at M0: Lets have a flame war over the evolutionary implications of gay marriage among supreme court nominees who may/may not endorse polygamy, now with 40% more blacks and the priesthood debate cuz BRM and BKP said it and I believe it, unless its an artistic rated-R movie about gay cowboy frustrated love. This message endorsed by the Mitt Romney in 2008 PAC.

| 3 comments ]

Blog admins have to deal with casino comment spam, but I'd never seen permabloggers spamming their readers before. First time for everything. Next she'll be posting warnings about the "Good Times" virus and offers for "Seventh Heaven" Kathmandu Temple Kiff (tm), a viripotent cannabis alternative for blissful regressions of vexatious depressions, great for Mormons because it doesn't violate the Word of Wisdom since it contains no tobacco or illegal drugs. Does McAfee SpamKiller have a blog plug in? If so, FMH is about to be blackholed.

| 5 comments ]

Ask women to kvetch, and boy will they kvetch! Danithew guest posts at M*, asking lady Naclers why they don't go to Relief Society, and the floodgates open wide to disgorge the discontent. The biggest complaint appears to be the oft used glue gun for the crafty ladies who apparently like RSs filled with crafty handouts touting theological twinkies. Since these lady Naclerettes want to discuss heady REAL topics like Wilford Woodruff's polygamy, these other women who want to talk about treacly things suited for refrigerator magnets are a real drag. OK, so what about the women who would find Woodruff's polygamy an absolute bore?

Sounds like its time to seperate out the Relief Society into working groups that are more need-specific. Lets see, there can be a "Candles, Centerpieces, & Refrigerator Magnets" working group. Then there can be the "REAL" working group which discusses anything but candles, centerpieces & refrigerator magnets. Then there can be the "I pinch my baby so it cries because I don't care what they are discussing because whatever it is it is so stupid and I would rather be watching Oprah or Phil" working group, and then there would be the "I am waiting for a calling in YW or Primary" working group, and finally, the "I am just here to bitch about my period" working group. Ladies, any other suggestions on how to make one program work for all the women in the church?

| 2 comments ]

TftC Kage is irked that some relative in the extended family found it "sad" that she would pose rather provacatively draped in red fabric exposing her very pregnant belly. She is more irked that this extended family member though they were close enough that such an opinion was warranted.

So, naturally, Kage turns to complete strangers on the Nacle to critique her exposed belly, sans face, and heap scorn upon her extended relative for having an opinion and voicing it. Makes sense. I mean, if someone isn't close enough to you to criticize you, then you may as well take it up a notch and have a bunch of complete strangers flame her for being so impudent. Like any readers would echo the extended relative and in doing so heap scorn upon their own heads.

I dunno, I may be too distant a relative here, but Kage's persistent comments about exposing herself and obscure links to alleged photos of her in various states of possible disrobedness suggest we have the first certifiable Nacle exhibitionist begging to be outed by all the voyeurs out there.

| 9 comments ]

Despite John W. Redelf's call to repentance, Aaron Brown is excited someone in his ward is furthering the left-wing agenda of making homosexual adultery acceptable among Mormons. Eager to continue the penetration of politically liberal pop culture, Aaron solicits input from the Nacle about how to deftly introduce such potentially volatile subjects into the Sacrament Meetings. Apparently some closing comments about "grace" are sufficient to top off a talk rather nicely. So, all you left wing Naclers out there, how about it? Give Aaron a hand and let him know how you cleverly insinuate your personal political agenda into Sacrament Meeting.

Hey Aaron Brown, how about these volatile topics, sure to rile things up in your Sacrament Meetings: Following the admonitions of the Church leadership to avoid rated "R" movies, Living the Law of Chastity, Studying the Scriptures rather than squandering your precious time indiscriminately consuming trendy media designed to manipulate you, Being faithful to your spouse rather than cheating on them in love affairs (gay or otherwise), Avoiding pop cultural Hollywood excreta to excuse your sins and actually truly repenting.

| 12 comments ]

So the Mormon Wasp is all about Utah quarters, given how exciting the topic is. Frankly, we here at the SnarkerNacle don't like any of them, so we have come up with one of our own. Let us know what you think.



Click the image for the full size view in all its glory.

| 0 comments ]

The Baron asked people to submit the top 5 posts of M* for the past year of existence, and so far people have come up with 1, and a lot of people all agree that one series was "great". Alrighty then, how about the other 4? Anyone? Crickets chirp. Yep, that Activity Crisis sure was great. Hello, anything else? No? Its been online a year, and nobody can come up with anything else? More crickets chirp. So, in other words, all of the time that has gone into M* and its just been a big black hole? Maybe its just time to pull the plug, huh guys? Um, so when are you going to supernova and then collapse into a black hole, January 31, 2006? Lets keep our fingers crossed that the Nacle will survive this interstellar collapse.

| 7 comments ]



Aaaaaarrrrghhh!!! Someone, quick, change that thang. OWWWWWW, OW, NO, PLEASE, KRISTEN, Stop it!!!!

She will eventually change it, once Geoff reads her the riot act. So, here is a screengrab, for posterity:

| 2 comments ]

Aspiring young poo Picassos have some of the gals over at TftC in a diarrhea dither. Its true, bowel movement Michalangelos and caca O'Keeffes can be a real pain in the butt. Hey, if your dookie Dali or fecal Frida is a little too prolific, here are a couple of tips in addition to Marian's suggestion of putting the sleeper on backwards:

Put the baby to bed in a zippered sleeper and then safety pin the zipper up with one of those big huge heavy plastic-topped baby safety pins. Also, bend the metal part of the pin away from the head, so there will be as much tension on the pin as possible, reducing the liklihood the baby can undo the pin.

Put the kid in more clothes, the more the better. If its too hot to wear several layers, then use lighter summerweight onesies, preferably ones that are a tad too small, so the fit is real tight so the kid cannot get their dirty little fingers into the leg holes.

If the kid is anywhere near regular, set the alarm for about that time and then wait for the golden egg, and change it immediately. Feed the kid the same thing for dinner every night to increase predictability, variation in diet can cause variation in regularity. Introduce new things for breakfast and lunch and keep dinner boring and predictable.

Or, you can always try duct tape and super glue.

| 12 comments ]


So is it OK to use profanity on someone else's blog, that you would never ever allow on your own blog? Hmmmmm. Especially when you are the leader of another blog. Hmmmmm. Impeachable offense? Hmmmmm. Is it OK to talk trash about bewbs and saxxay hawt nawtiness, when you would never ever allow it on the blog you run? I dunno. Anything like that ever got posted to T&S would be deleted in 1.2 nanoseconds, on a slow day. So, what is the deal with that? Is it OK to cut loose on other people's blogs, or is it hypocritical? Is whats good for the goose good for the gander, or are some blogs more equal than others?

| 1 comments ]


Dear aunt Snarky,

I need some help developing a marketing plan. Demographically speaking, Mormons are an attractive market, and women control most of the discretionary household income. I have absolutely no scruples, I covet lucre, and I will sell whatever will separate the faithful from their tithed income most efficiently. In the past I have done quite well with Families are Forever cross stitch and framed Footprints in the Sand gewgaws. But lately, things have changed.

When did LDS women become obssessed with their own breasts and underwear? This used to be the almost exclusive domain of teenage boys and missionaries, but they at least had the decency to keep their aberrations private, and to take a cold shower occasionally. This must be sweeps week, because all the blogs run by females have gone wall to wall with matters of the boudoir. Where else but the bloggernacle can you find a thread where church ladies give each other advice on how to get a good fit in underwear, with 100 plus comments and counting? We have seen the first NSFW post in bloggernacle history featuring topless women, posted by a woman, of course. We see stories about flashing complete strangers, advice on how to rouse a husband's dormant libido, and discussion of whether AA or DD is better, and no, we ain't talkin' batteries. What is going on?

Given the new reality, I am rethinking my line of products to be introduced this spring. First, I think a magazine called Mams would be a hit with the Mormon Femme crowd. It would feature topless women and columns on diaper blowouts. Women could write in with the latest rumors about how the big bad church won't allow any more pajama parties. Second, instead of selling my videos of Girls Gone Wild to drunken frat boys on spring break, I think I will just re-label them. Relief Society Sisters Gone Wild has a certain ring, no?

Could you please give me your advice concerning these two products? I would like to be prepared when all those wild and crazy spring break berzerkers from those wild and crazy places like Provo, Logan, and Rexburg show up with money in hand.

Yours in Flames,

B. L. Zeboob


B.L.,

Thanks for writing in with this important question. I think where the Mormon women are concerned, you need to be a little more subtle. Mormon women generally like to look Molly on Sunday and have the house prim and proper for when the HT/VT come by the house, so racy magazines aren't going to sell well. So, you need to try to keep it a little more low key, like getting Amway or NuSkin to start doing lingerie and marital aid products and parties. I am sure melaleuca could be turned into something racy.

I kind of doubt "Relief Society Sisters Gone Wild" would sell much, given the average age of the sisters of the average ward and the impossibility of getting a bra that really fits well. But, if you did a "Girl's Camp Shenanigans-Exposed!!!", that would probably sell well, among all Mormon market segments. Market it as a documentary expose, but include enough lurid material to appeal to males. Also, another good one would be "Young Single Adult Dance Parking Lot", following the Parking Lot genre, be sure to cut in a lot of inuendo.

I also recommend some historical fiction about early Church leaders, and spice it up a little. You know, take the tact of "keeping it real", but still pepper it with salacious details. Then they will be learning the occasional useless historical fact, all the while being filled with garbage. Try something like The Work and the Glory meets In Sacred Lonliness, that would be a hit among the FMH and BCC readers, no doubt.

And remember, every cinder used to be a bright, burning flame.

Aunt Snarky

| 11 comments ]

EmilyS over at FMH says:

I like big boots and I cannot lie,
You other mothers can't deny
That when a girl walks around with stiletto heels
It make you feel like you got wheels
You get sprung from the kitchen
Tired of that turkey that was stuffed
Leather over the jeans I'm wearing
He's hooked cause he can't stop staring
Yeah, baby I'm a playa
With these boots I will wreck ya
Visiting Teachers tried to warn me
But these boots I got
solve a problem that is so thorny

Ooh, ooh, ooh, boots of leather
Wear them no matter the weather
Wear them, wear them, they ain't that average footwear

Shout out to Nancy:



Something tells me that Aimee's opinion of boots is slightly different than Emily's.

| 14 comments ]

Mormon Mommy Wars is irritated that they aren't edgy, even though they don't know what "edgy" means. I mean, they aren't supposed to be edgy, right? Um, OK. But, wait, they do want to be edgy and talk about bewbs after all, so I guess they are edgy, but have they figured out what "edgy" is yet? Apparently not, but they decided they definitely do want to talk about bewbies, so natch, Kaimi joins in, since you cannot discuss bewbs on the Nacle and not have Kaimi's interest.

(Tip for all Nacle Noobs, and Crystal and Stephen-ethesis: If you want to get linked on the T&S sidebar and have Kaimi comment on your blog, discuss bewbs)

Oh, and Heather doesn't like the Snarker. Boo hoo. I guess its because we make fun of her husband. Oh well. And, revelations upon revelations (see the comments under her MMW post, the one attempting to be amusing) emanate from the Heather O., the "O" must stand for "Oracle" and not "Wife of Nate Oman". Like most self-appointed Oracles, lets see how Heather does (her oracular predictions in bold):

Again, proof positive that he is definitely, without question, a man. Wrong, three to one.

Without kids. Wrong, three times over.

Who is certainly uncompassionate. Wrong. Heather is just bitter that we poke fun at her hubby, who actively solicits us to poke fun at him, but we are going to ignore him, because he needs to be spending his time training and not blogging. Call us compassionate.

And single. Wrong, three to one.

And hating it. Majority not single, so cannot be hating it. And the one single is in a happy, healthy committed relationship.

Taking his frustrations out on simple, suburban housewives who are just trying to have some fun. Right on you being "simple, suburban housewives", wrong on taking out frustrations. You goofballs are posting to the Nacle, so you are fair game, and you are deliberately baiting the Snarker, so you are asking for trouble. The Snarker has largely ignored you, because you are pretty boring and not snarkworthy, and only passingly commented on you when commenting primarily on CftT. Stick your neck out, girl, and its going to get chopped.

Fun he is not getting. Definitely not getting any. Fun, I mean. Wrong, on all counts.

OK, so this is just a revenge post on Heather's part. Got it. Next up from MMW: Why Heather Hates SnarkerNacle: Because My Husband is So Kewl! Now with more new Jello Salad and Tuna Fish Casarole Recipes, right after this commercial target marketed at simple, suburban housewives who blog on the Nacle!

| 6 comments ]


Super Secret Agent GeoffJ is seriously kicking some T&S Permabore pants. Take a look at the numbers folks (as of posting time, comparing permabore posts since Geoff's guest bloggership was announced):

GeoffJ

4 posts, 435 comments

Adam (2, 49) + Kaimi (3, 89) + Ben (1, 0) + Jim F (1, 1) + Nate (2, 30) + Rosalynde (1, 0) + Julie (1, 29)

T&S total:

11 posts, 198 comments

Huh, someones got they tail whooped. Despite posting almost 3x as much, they generate less than half the number of comments. Can you say "Old and Busted"?

If GeoffJ gets more comments than the rest of the Permabores combined by the end of the guest posting stint, T&S should have to wear the MA logo and make available their comments to the MA recent comments bar. If not, then they don't and MA has to promote them back to "Isle of the Sea" status. What say you? Anyone up for a sporting wager? Kaimi? Geoff?

| 8 comments ]

The crew at A*...ermmm...M* have been around for a whole year! Seems like an eternity, like slipping past the event horizon of a black hole. Now they want you to go and pick the "top" five posts. What does "top" mean? Here is their answer: "Basically, it means the posts that would come to your mind first whenever you think of M*." Hrrrrmmmm. We don't know about you, but when we think of M* we think of "bottom" not top. But, hey, that's just us.

What about you? What comes to mind first when you think of M*? And, do wish them well on their 1 year oldness.

Unlike your pals at M*, WE PROMISE no comments will be deleted as long as they do not contain profanity or obscenity (come on guys, keep it family friendly).

P.S. Hey, M* buddies, we do just lurve you guys, and wish you a happy Birfday, just like Trogdor.

| 6 comments ]

Forget about Pediatricians who recommend children not be exposed to more than 15min of TV twice a day, Kage likes to sedate her kids with The Portal To Hell. Better than ritalin, I suppose. Notably absent from Kage's list of children's viewing are Baby Einstein videos and Brainy Baby, even if she doesn't pay much attention to Dr. Phil, I guess Kage does listen to NPR.

| 4 comments ]

This one was a gimme. No effort required. ALways give thanks for low hanging fruit. I guess whoever S. Mack Dazzle is, they apparently know Staply personally, given the apparently accurate picture of him they used in their Nacle parody.

| 4 comments ]

No, no, not a boy band. A new snarky blog! Mildly amusing. Whoever they are, they are familiar with Nacle history and personas. Lets see if they make it onto the MA.

| 4 comments ]

President of Iran, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, is glowing (see the fifth paragraph from the bottom), probably because he has been touring Iran's state of the art nuclear production facilities, and not because he is filled with the power of God, as his followers would like to believe. Regardless, his zeal for ushering in Armageddon, so as to introduce the Islamic Mahdi (what the Christian world would consider the Beast, or false messiah, from John's Revelation) is certainly noteworthy to the Nacle. Why? No doubt, Nacle bloggers will be part of the 144,000 and will be tasked to blog about all of those horrific events as they occur, and what they write will no doubt become the future Scriptures recounting the fulfilment of John's Apocalypse.

Nacle bloggers, excited about the forthcoming opportunity to blog on Armageddon. As Babylon burns, Naclers barely contain their euphoria!

| 12 comments ]




Apparently Ned Flanders has taken up the role of Crossing Guard for the Bloggernacle. Not content to moderate the comments on his own blog, he feels the need to keep other people's blogs in line too. Thanks for the good work, neighbor!

| 7 comments ]

In a press release, members of the Utah Gay Rodeo Association stated they would continue to shoot beef cattle in protest of Utah Theaters dropping Brokeback Mountain from their play lists.

The press release stated, "If they won't let us watch a movie about us, then we won't let them eat the steaks, chops or burgers we produce! Nobody is going to ride roughshod over us without paying the price."

It was overheard at the press conference, "You know, the funny thing is, if those effing Mormons obeyed their own Word of Wisdom, then there wouldn't even be any Gay Cowboys in Utah anyway, because nobody would eay meat! Idiots."

| 2 comments ]

Kaimi, ever the sensitive open-minded manly man, is looking to broaden Rusty's horizons (see comment 53 then 81 then 98). Kaimi wants Rusty and him to get together and go see Brokeback Mountain together. Apparently Rusty isn't comfortable with the thought of attending the movie with Kaimi. Cannot imagine why.

UPDATE: Apparently Rusty and Kaimi have history (see comment 24 and onward).

| 3 comments ]


...I'm hunting SnarkerNacle.

Nice work ferreting out my IP address. With a crack team like this on the jorb, we should be able to hide until the Millennium.




I fart in your general direction.

But, just to be sporting, tell you what I am going to do: every day we post here, an obscure clue as to the real identities of Team SnarkerNacle will be hidden deftly within the text of one of the entries.

Let us see how smart you are, a random Fudd and Hotheaded Hawaiin.

| 4 comments ]

This funny thread started out a little crazy from the get go, so may as well keep it goin. annegb shares an embarrasing episode of unintentional mammary exposure. Then, Kage posts a link (NSFW) to some NYC public toplessness and later hints that while she isn't one of the topless gals featured there, she is somewhere on that website and can be identified as a result of being less-than-topheavy. So, Kaimi steps in to confess he likes dem saggy bewbs, especially when he has an excuse to carefully examine them pixel by pixel, which excuse is furnished by Kage. Lets see how that plays when his wife is bludgeoning him with a rolling pin. Nice self-disclosure all around there, people. Let's keep it going! Anyone want to talk about lactation-induced leakage? Embarassing stories from adolescence? Anyone?

Noobie Assist:

NSFW = Not Safe For Work, link target contains content that is not suitable for the workplace...or virgin eyes.

| 0 comments ]


The owner of the Mormon Archipelago is guest blogging with the insular, self-absorbed enemy! Has Geoff been seduced by the Great and Spacious Timesandseasonsnaclematrix? Has he wandered off the straight and narrow path of indy blogging? So much was his mind swallowed up in other things that he beheld not the filthiness of the water? NOOOOOO! Geoff, come to your senses man!

Wait a minute...just a second...could it be? Geoff is going into the Ivory Tower as an embassador, no, a secret agent of the MA, to win them over and/or subvert them. Which is it though? We suspect he wants to win them over, and if that fails, he will subvert them. Well, T&S permabores, all I can say, is check behind all the potted plants and up in the drop cielings everywhere Geoff has been, because if you aren't wearing the MA logo by the time he leaves, you had better clear out of the building...and I mean fast!

| 4 comments ]

Let us all yell about Cowboy Man Love, and then a couple of days later, lets all yell about the same exact Cowboy Man Love yelling the same exact things. Makes sense to me. You know, there is something to be said for consistency. And, supposedly, if you repeat something three times, they say you will never forget it. So, we are only one more poached thread away from having this a permanent stain on the Nacle. BCC, where are you when we need you?

Wait, wait, there is one slightly different thing: the actor who so eloquently portrayed Cowboy Man Love thinks anyone who doesn't think the way he thinks is "hilarious and very immature". As opposed to prancing around in tights, anachronistically jousting to a remix of Queen's We Will Rock You and waltzing to David Bowie's Golden Years. Which is the epitome of maturity and aplomb. As is cheating on your wife with an old boyfriend, possibly infecting her with whatever you picked up on your cattle rustling rendezvous. Now there is maturity for you.

P.S. Just for good measure, Pris, the scarified hipster, wants you to know he hates bigots. So, be warned, you bigot Mormon Red Staters.

| 2 comments ]

Dallas Robbins, the Nacle's podcast evangelist, was recently brought to tears by the allegedly inspired results of a recent BeliefNet poll that indicated Jesus wouldn't own an iPod.

Dallas was overheard saying, through the tears, "How many of those polled actually had the Gift of the Holy Ghost? I mean, can we really take this as the will of the Lord?", and then he broke down into incomprehensible sobs and babbling about Apple common stock shares. Steve Evans, formerly of the Bloggernacle Times Zeitcast, was overheard saying, "Yeah, well, I can understand that. Why would He want to use an iPod since the Zeitcast has ended?"

| 22 comments ]

Jeff is looking for some ways to reduce his tithing burden. Let us all give him a hand!

First, pay on your net income, not on gross income. If the Fed and State take it out before you ever see it, then it isn't really income after all, is it? I don't think so!

Second, if you're holy enough, say a Levite or Cohen, or the +3rd generation descendent of pioneers, you can get away with the tithe of the tithe, or only 1%, check it out at Numbers 18:28-29 and Nehemiah 10:38.

Third, can't you write off any losses through capital gains and take that as a deduction from your income that you pay tithing on? Hey, the Fed allows it, why not?

What else people? Come on, I am sure we have some creative math people out there.

| 1 comments ]

Dear Aunt Snarky,

I'm writing to you for advice. I have a really cool idea for the other missionaries in my zone, but I don't know how to plan it with the ZLs. Plus, my mission president is kind of down on movies altogether, so he's no help. I hope you can tell me what to do.

Here's the deal. My companion told me about this really cool movie he wants to see with me, I think it's called Bareback Mountain, or something like that? Anyways, he said he thought it would help us grow closer together and be better friends. And he said it's about these two guys who kind of strike out with all the hot babes so they just hang together, you know? Like Napoleon and Pedro? So I thought COOL. Most of the elders in my zone are the same way. So I want to see this with all the other missionaries at the next zone conference. How can I get the ZLs and the MP to approve my idea?

Yours truly,

Elder C. L. Ueless


Elder CLUeless,

First off, thank whatever wayward member lets you use their home computer to surf the net and come and visit the SnakerNacle when you are lunch-bucketing at their house, they clearly have your well-being at heart.

I don't think seeing movies as a Zone is necessarily going to help foster a better relationship with your companion, you should just see the movie with him alone. What you should do is ask your MP to visit you at your apartment and schedule an appointment, but don't let your comp know, you want it to be a real surprise for him. Then, about 30 min before that appointment, you and your comp should start watching the movie together. And then, when your MP gets there, he will know just what to do with you, your comp and that movie. Think of the example you will set for your whole mission as you show you Mission President firsthand what kind of movie it really is!

Remember Elder, stay out of the valley of death, and be sent home with honor.

Aunt Snarky

| 1 comments ]

We all know the old joke about the soldier who survived being shot because the bullet hit his copy of the Book of Mormon and stopped there because "nothing makes it through Second Nephi", ha ha. Well, LisaB, after 35+ years of church membership has not only made it past Second Nephi (did she cheat and skip it?), she has actually completed the book of Alma! No way. Well, she at least got up to chapter 50 anyway. And, much to her chagrin, she has discovered an unsung heroine for our times, who has not been talked about nearly enough. Well, last time I read Alma that passage was there. In fact, come to think of it, every time I read Alma that was there. Why doesn't she get more coverage? Well, speaking quite frankly, because there is another woman, who's name we do know, who does an even better job of dealing with an abusive male: Jael. Take a look at Judges 4 and 5, Ms. Lisa B.

| 12 comments ]

So this whole flap about T&S being downgraded is the latest controversy in the Nacle, and the funny thing is the only T&S permabore who has anything intelligent to say about it is Kaimi. The rest of them have either said absolutely nothing, or have made some lame irrelevant comments. So, they are paying attention, they are just choosing not to speak their minds in any intelligeable fashion. And, they have entirely shunned the BT discussion altogether.

So, T&S permabores, come on, say something intelligent, thoughtful, and reasoned on the matter (Kaimi exempted):

Greg Call
Wilfried Decoo
Matt Evans
Jim Faulconer
Russel Aberdeen Fox
Adam Greenwood
Ben Huff
Kristine Haglund Harris
Frank McIntyre
Nate Oman
Melissa Proctor
Gordon Smith
Julie Smith
Rosalynde Welch

Surely at least one of you can step forward to say something on the subject.

If not, the rest of the Nacle is left to speculate as to why T&S is loathe to join the MA. Hmm, could it be:

1) T&S permabores are so self-absorbed they think they are the Bloggernacle, and so they don't even pay attention to the rest of the Nacle (like when someone posts on a subject last week, and you post on the same exact thing this week completely oblivious to the fact that it is already being discussed in the Nacle), so why even acknowledge anyone else exists, since they don't really?

2) T&S covets every hit and doesn't want to share even 1 hit with the "little guys"?

3) The MA logo is horrible and would ruin the stunningly beautiful aesthetics of the T&S front page?

4) The admins at T&S are all thumbs and they cannot even cut and paste in the code to get the MA logo to appear?

5) The T&S permabores are so busy writing transcendentally elegant prose they simply haven't had any time whatseover to discuss the matter of MA?

6) The T&S permabores were too busy reading the Book of Mormon by the end of the year and didn't have time to worry about anything as silly as participating in a community?

7) The T&S permabores realize that blogging is really just a huge waste of time, and will all be abandoning T&S shortly for careers in print journalism?

Oh mighty T&S permabores, please do end the stultifying suspense and tell us what the real reason is for your utter sloth and apathy on this subject. We all wait with baited breath.

| 26 comments ]

OK, the Bloggernacle Snarker is sick and tired of this idiotic speculation over who he/she/it is, and the smug commenters who think they are so clever. So, it is time to end the speculation and disgorge some details, and then get back to snarking.

First off, let's talk about who the Snarker is. The Snarker is not one person. It is presently a collection of four front people, plus a Bored of Directors. The four front people are composed of one admin and three writers. The admin does write, but not consistently (hence the general 3 posts per day, usually one from each writer). The four front people are mixed gender, three are Mormons, one is not. The Bored of Directors is additional persons, not any of which is the four front people, of mixed gender. The Bored of Directors has no direct editorial control over the content, but they do have the power of smackdown in the event the SnarkerNacle steps over the line. Thus, there is an outside, independent regulatory body monitoring the content.

Second, let's talk about the purpose of the Snarker. SnarkerNacle is here to poke some harmless fun at people who really are big enough to take it. Hey, you go out there into the public, wanting some attention, and you get it. Don't like it, then why in the world are you blogging? In no way is it the intention of the SnarkerNacle to hurt people's feelings, to degrade, or to belittle. The Snarker just wants to have some harmless fun. What? You think you are being unfairly treated? OK, then conact the Snarker privately, and we can work something out. In the past people have been snarked, and have felt unfairly treated, contacted us privately, and we have dealt with the matter expeditiously to the agreement of all involved parties.

OK, now, gentle readers, please go back about your business. You can speculate who the Snarker is all you like, but the truth is, you have all been wrong all along, and there isn't anything that will change that short of us unmasking ourselves. Which there is no point in doing. You see, if the anonymous snarkers were unmasked, then this whole thing would be a pointed personal attack. And that isn't the intent here. The intent is for it to be a pointless, impersonal snark from a harmless source, and just have some fun. Hey, if you cannot laugh at yourself, you have no right to laugh at anyone else.

Oh, yeah, and thanks for reading the Bloggernacle Snarker.

P.S., the SnarkerNacle would also like to point out we receive a lot of tips from non-SN-affiliated Naclers, both small fry and big fishies, some of which are noted as such and some of which the submitters prefer no credit whatsoever. So, a significant portion of the posts are derived from your very own submissions, dear Naclers. So, when you want to figure out who the Snarker is, some of you ought to go and look in the mirror, beloved readers.

| 6 comments ]

Clark Goble and Adam Greenwood, a couple of Nacle Nrrrds, have outed themselves as closet Trekkies, secretly harboring desires they will board the USS Bloggernacle and warp 9 to Kolob. They've already started work on their on-board gear, beheld above. Clark is kneeling, and standing on the Right is Adam. Standing on the Left is Otto.

I don't know about this. It sounds to me like a modern day version of the Tower of Babel, only they are not building a tower to reach God, they are building a space ship to warp speed to God. So we can expect the Lord to afflict them with incomprehensible speach next. Oh, wait, that has already started.

jInmol 'oH Qo'noS QonoS'e'. tlhIngan Hol jatlhwI'pu'vaD wIcherpu'. naDev vuDmey Daj lutmey Sagh je DalaDlaH, 'ach tlhIngan Hol DayajnIS. Hoch jar chovnatlh chu' wImuch. yIlaD. yIqeq. tugh bIpo'choH.

| 2 comments ]

Apparently Kristen J has never heard of Benadryl and Geoff J has never heard of a WetVac. How can a family with kids, who babysits no less, not have both of these two life (and carpet) savers on hand?

Me? I am working on patenting a new WetVac attachment in the shape of a child's face mask, so when they look like they are ready to pull a Mt. St. Helens on us, we strap on the face mask and turn on the wet vac. No fuss, no muss. Do have them drink some water first, as that helps things come up easier.

| 12 comments ]

The Bloggernacle Snarker is pleased to announce a lurvly new feature here at the Bloggernacle Snarker! We are opening up an advice column for all Naclers, ask whatever you will, Nacle-related or not. And, we, the denizens of snarkerdom, will give you wise, even sage, advice to deal with what ails ya. So, just send in your questions to snarkernacle@yahoo.ca and you will get some of the best advice you ever paid for.

| 2 comments ]

Sadists and Masochists alike rejoice at the painful flailings and thrashing cast back and forth by believers and post-belief skeptics.

Ouch.

What was that about contention being of the gospel...errrrmm...how does that go? Oh, oh, devil...yeah...contention is of the devil. Got it. And if anyone would know the doctrine, they should do the will of the Father? So the knowing is in the doing? Hrrrm. But, that is so hard to do! Yup. It is. But, your not doing it doesn't make the doctrine false, it makes the flesh weak. Ah, the spirit is willing, but this damned natural flesh is such the enemy to God. And, so, the wisdom of men parades itself as philosophy, all the while faulting God for failing to reveal Himself to them on their own terms. And the falsity men see is merely a reflection of their own selves.

| 19 comments ]

A load of Naclers are shouting "HYPOCRITE!" at a guy who cannot hear them. Sounds effective. May as well buy some season tickets and shout "The Jazz sucks!" and bring a couple of cowbells with you.

OK, so lets take a look at a dictionary and see what the word hypocrite means. So did Larry Miller say he loved this movie, and then pull the plug? No. Did he personally select the roster of movies being played? No, not likely. Did he recently attend a meeting of Utah Equality and tell them he was going to cater to their tastes in film? No. So how does him pulling this film make him a "hypocrite"?

Oh, it doesn't? It just makes him inconsistent. Got it. Because he allows other R films to be shown and not this one. But, the film wasn't pulled because it was rated R, it is pulled because of its controversial nature. So how does that make him inconsistent?

Oh, it doesn't? Well, then lets just yell about being pissed off at something because it looks like he is a HOMOPHOBE because he refuses to show an award winning film that shows manly men can be all jiggy wid it and then marry women and then get back together for a little hide tannin and its all good and society's fault these two manly men cannot just ride off into the sunset together to rustle some cattle and be happy in their manliness so they have to marry women in the mean time until they get old and realize they miss their old sweaty, dust covered horse-riding stinky man pals and get together for some "Hey, I sure missed you so I smelled your old clothes for the past 20 years" manly male lovin in a distinctly non-feminite way.

Did it ever occur to anyone this film is just left-wing pro-gay propaganda and Larry Miller doesn't want anything to do with it because its a firebrand in conservative-dominated Utah, and being a savvy businessman he doesn't want to have to deal with all the garbage because he has better things to do with his time? Should he stop showing rated R movies? I am sure he will, as soon as all of you Mormons there in Utah stop going and seeing them.

| 21 comments ]

Monolithic Megafauna of the TTLB Ecosystem, Times & Seasons has been demoted to an "Isle of the Sea" on ldsblogs.org, the index page for the Mormon Archipelago. Formerly on par with BCC and M*, it is now grouped together with VivaNedFlanders, a Motley Vision and Issues in Mormon Doctrine, which is largely defunct.

Boy oh boy, there has got to be some really great juicy gossip going on behind the scenes on this one. Unfortunately, the SN is not plugged directly into that grapevine. Will someone in the know please e-mail me the dirt at snarkernacle@yahoo.ca? The person to unload the biggest wheelbarrow full of dirty laundry gets a MStP t-shirt via zazzle.

| 0 comments ]

The SnarkerNacle is loving this new Tales from the Crib blog, especially the anti-gravity advice and the confessions of child neglect, complete with pics Child Protective Services will use to abduct their children and put them in foster care.

We cannot wait for them to take on topics like "Why the Diaper Genie is a crappy as the crap it is supposed to contain", "The 27 reasons Huggies are better than Pampers", "Toilet Training Terrors", and "How to get more free formula in the mail". If they keep it up, they will overtake FMH as the edgiest femblog on the Nacle (sorry MMW, you all are nowhere near the edge).

| 0 comments ]

Its so sad to see people confess their sins online, rather than through the appropriate lines of Church authority. Susan M, and some of her readers as well, confess to harboring some serious covetousness when it comes to rugged New England-type men and the rugged New England-type furniture they sequester. Its not like their husbands couldn't stop shaving, put on some flannels, quit their jobs, and then make really cool furniture if they only had a shop in the backyard with half a million dollars in woodworking powertools in it. Any lunkhead man could make great furniture with that setup, it would be impossible not to. Throw a tree in one side and out pops a five piece bedroom set, complete with cherry stain.

| 1 comments ]

Rumor has it Feminist Mormon Housewives is changing its name to Unsubstantiated Rumor Mill. My sister's best friend's cousin's uncle's nephew is married to the Prophet's niece's dog's groomer, and she said the LDS Church was going to ban teenage girls altogether because they giggle alot, waste a lot of everyone's time, run up phone bills, and are entirely too tempting to teenage boys and RMs. Yes, its true, I read it on FMH. And, no freakin way, like my hair stylist said his boyfriend's Nordstrom personal shopper also shops for one of the First Quorum of the Seventy and he has instructed him to not purhcase any more wool jackets or slacks, so yes, the LDS Church is going to enforce the OT Law of Moses ban on mixing wool and cotton and restart animal sacrifices too!

| 1 comments ]

Is this the Nacle's Chaucer or Shakespeare? Not since the mighty ancient fathers of Western Lit have put quill pen to paper have there been words of such stunning import, of such monolothic proportions, of such timely relevance. Eliot, Thoreau, and Milton hang their collective heads in shame at this beautiously effervescent and stunningly poigniant evidence as to why blogging is here to stay and the Nacle is relevant to our lives.

| 3 comments ]

Yesterday was apparently Bloggernacle Self-Promotion Day. Not sure if this is going to be a weekly "every Wednesday", monthy "First Wednesday", or yearly First Annual Self-Promotional Nacle Self-Indulgence Day, or what?

Regardless of what frequency it ends up being (Isn't every day on a blog a self-promoting day of gross self-indulgence anyway? HEY, HEY LOOK AT ME, READ MY BLOG! Yesterday, it was just alittle more flagrant.) we got to see Rusty shill for The Man, TMILisa go for the gold, and Clark pander for SnarkerNacle face time while self-linking dangerous thoughts not of his own creation (I don't know about you, but we here at SN would be interested in seeing some of Clark's own original thoughts he deems "dangerous", now that would be snarkworthy!).

UPDATE: 9M has just picked up a celebrity endorsement! Wallace & Gromit heartily endorse Rusty as their favourite Nacle blogger and will be underwriting all production from this point onward. It is safe to assume 9M will have a certain pungent aroma about it from now on.

| 1 comments ]

According to this news report, many Mormons who completed the Book of Mormon by the end of the year cheated! Hmmmm. We wonder how many of these "readers" were letter of the law readers or spirit of the law readers.

| 0 comments ]

M* Elisabeth

Darth Beth announced on BCC that her entirely too light, almost Barbie-like, locks are to be darkened, in accordance with her recent enlistment to the Dark Side. Rumor has it she will also be getting some rather large and scary tattoos on her arms and back, depicting Mace Windu's loss to Darth Sidious and a "BCC" inside her lower lip and S-T-E-V-E E-V-A-N-S across the thumb and fingers of her right and left hand.

Darth Beth completes the transformation.

| 2 comments ]

OK, Clark isn't your typical "guy", he's a physicist who likes to dabble in philosophy and the mystical side of religion. Still, we would expect something a little less laborious (scroll down to comment 17) on the back of the tank, unless of course one spends more time there than the average person, which might suggest a little help is needed. But, you know, on the other hand, if Clark spent more time in the loo, maybe he would violate the Sabbath less.

Thx anon tipster.

| 9 comments ]

Apparently, both NDBF Gary and NFlanders have forgotten playing cards at all is evil because face cards are satanic. President Joseph F. Smith has given this wholesome advice:

While a simple game of cards in itself may be harmless, it is a fact that by immoderate repetition it ends in an infatuation for chance schemes, in habits of excess, in waste of precious time, in dulling and stupor of the mind, and in the complete destruction of religious feeling. These are serious results, evils that should and must be avoided by the Latter-day Saints. Then again, there is a grave danger that lurks in persistent card playing, which begets the spirit of gambling, of speculation and what awakens the dangerous desire to get something for nothing.

Card playing is an excessive pleasure; it is intoxicating, and therefore, in the nature of a vice. It is naturally the companion of the cigaret and the wine glass, and the latter leads to the poolroom and the gambling hall. Few men and women indulge in the dangerous pastime of the card table without compromising their business affairs and the higher responsibilities of life. Tell me what amusements you like best and whether your amusements have been a ruling passion in your life, and I will tell you what you are. Few indulge frequently in card playing in whose lives it does not become a ruling passion.

Close quote, from Joseph Fielding Smith, Answers to Gospel Questions, v. 1, p. 194.

| 7 comments ]

Whoa, I am both awestruck and amazed. We were convinced, CONVINCED I TELL YOU, that DMI Dave was a card-carrying member of the John Birch Society and a regular Iron Rodder. But, NO! He isn't, and he wants you to know that once and for all he doesn't listen to Rush Limbaugh, ever, despite the "Conservative Links" on his blogroll. I guess that cements his left wing cred with the BCC crowd.

| 4 comments ]

Oh, no, not again. Yes, let us all once again rehash whether or not Mormons are Christians. Ugh. Over at BCC, they talk some about who owns the definition, which gets to the core of the controversy. But, like a blind batter wildly swinging at anything coming across the plate, they continue to miss the obvious definition. But, hey, why bother to check in with Jesus on something like this? Not like he would have anything to say on the matter.

| 1 comments ]

I have no idea what a eulallia is, but its now the name of a blog that just got listed onto LDS & Mormon Blogs. Its great, let me tell you, I learned a lot more about cramps there, so I am guessing its going to be a hot spot for the FMH crowd.

And, for all those salivating for the full dose of daily snark and gossip, we will be back full time, full bore and full blast starting tommorrow, when all the little sprogs are back in their institutional learning facilities.

| 3 comments ]

Did I mention how cool Kurt Bestor is, and that Kurt Bestor is like so awesome, especially since he visited my awesome little blog and wrote an amazingly insightful and prescient comment about matters of transcendent widsom that are so amazingly amazing, I just need to brown nose him and fawn over him a little bit more. Thanks, Kurt Bestor, my friend (can I call you my friend? Thanks man).

Thx anon tipster.