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DMI Dave thinks the Bloggernacle is 90% trash. I wonder if he would include his own blog in the 10% non-trash. Assuming Dave is right (we think he is being generous; in our estimate it would be 99% trash), why is the Bloggernacle so filled with trash? Obvious! It is filled with Mormons who think they know better and more than the leaders of the LDS Church, as well as whiners who complain about programs they do little or nothing to support or invest in.

The Bloggernacle should change its name to the CognitiveDissonacle, since complaining about the quality of programs in a lay ministry church means the members are at fault for not participating, not the leaders. And, one of the fundamental tenets of the LDS Church is the leadership is supposed to be inspired by revelation. You know, from God. Not by a bunch of whining malcontents who would extend the hand of fellowship to the unrepentant. An awful lot of people in the Bloggernacle who are down with pop social norms forget repentance, humility, and hard work are required, as in "not optional", in the Atonement. Which is why the Bloggernacle is 90% trash, at least, because it is loaded with people who are prideful and lazy. Guess what? Humble, hard-working members of the Church, the salt of the earth, are entirely too busy serving others selflessly to sit around and moan on the Internet.

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FMH G wants to get a tatto that is "beautiful and meaningful", can we suggest:


There is not a Bishop in the Church that would censure you for ignoring President GBH's counsel on body mods with this one.

UPDATE: Postsecret take on tattoos:

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Snark? Huh?
Read here. And here.

So what's this site about, anyway?
We exist to help the personalities of the Bloggernacle take themselves a little less seriously.

Why do you always seem to pick on [insert blog/blogger name here]?
Why do they keep providing such easy snark fodder? If it's any consolation, it gets boring repeatedly snarking the same target. We like variety in our diet, too.

Sometimes you're [mean] [offensive] [judgemental].
Just like the Bloggernacle, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

You obviously don't understand that scripture about "judge not lest ye be judged"!
I know, right?

You guys need to [take your meds] [get a girlfriend] [get some action] [etc]!
Agreed.

Who appointed you to be the traffic cops of the 'Nacle?
The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that we were to carry Excalibur. That is why we are your snarks.

Instead of wasting your time on a blog, shouldn't you be [studying your scriptures] [doing your home teaching] [working] [taking care of your parents/kids/spouse/family] [exercising] [repenting]?
Probably. By the way, nice to meet you Pot; I'm kettle.

Why didn't you snark [insert blog post here]?
Though we aspire to be omniscient, even we snarks have our limitations. You can always send tips to SnarkTeam at gmail dot com.

Who are you guys, anyway?
Let's just say we're concerned citizens of the bloggernacle.

What kind of name is "Dazzle" or "Shizzle"?
Slavic.

Are you guys as good looking as I imagine?
Even more so. We'd post our pictures, but we don't want to be responsible for faithful women leaving their husbands.

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Kage's little girl made a mess in the bathtub so she

"ran for the camera. I should have let her keep playing...I would have gotten a lot more done...but instead, I cleaned it up, like every good mommy should."
And that is where the "good mommy" thing ended, because she then posted pictures of nekkid little girl on the TftC site. Click a few times and you can head over to her personal blog site and discover the name of the little girl in the pictures if you look around, along with a lot of other pictures. Click on her professional site and you can get all kinds of other personal information.

Kristy, you might as well put a sign up in your window that says "PERVERT WACKO STALKERS APPLY HERE" and then add your name and phone number on the bottom. Some anonymous comments at TftC have asked Kage to edit or remove the pics, but they have gone unheeded. Girl, you are asking for trouble. User your head. Protect your kids. You live in NYC, not on some desert island.

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Some months back, we here at SnarkerNacle waged a campaign against Beating Dead Horses and it had seemed to have worked. But, now, stuck in the doldrums of Summertime (i.e., the "Horse Latitudes" if you will), the practice has returned. Here is the current poor, expired horse being lacerated ad infinitum:

Are Women More Innately Spiritual Than Men?

While I cannot hardly wait for the M0 point of view, I do look forward to the next installment of Rusty's bannerrific lampoon thereof.

I don't know about the answer to that question, but as far as blogs go, as long as FMH is around, nobody in the Bloggernacle can seriously argue women bloggers are more innately righteous.

UPDATE: Dehlin jumps on the glue factory wagon.

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DKL, in his usual self-effacing manner, wants to point out what a great thing Mormon Matters is. Natch, he is part of the "celebrity panel" for this edition, so while it might have always been a great thing this is the first time he plugs it. Coincidence?

To boil it down, Mormon Matters is John Dehlin, Blogcaster Extraordinaire, interviewing Bloggernacle regulars on current Mormon topics. Yes, that is right. You can not only read the ruminations of Bloggernacle regulars, you can also hear them ruminate. Wow. Can I tell you how long I have been wanting to hear DKL's voice? But, wait, no, it is hip, because it is a podcast!!! So that makes it better how?

The whole point of blogging is readers can weigh into the discussion. This Mormon Matters podcast thing takes it back to old-school broadcast and makes it impossible for listeners to participate. May as well be listening to the radio in your car as far as participatory discussion goes.

So, in other words, Mormon Matters is a Bloggernacle vanity project where Nacle regulars get to hear the sound of their own voice on their computer, which is music to their own ears. Right, DKL?

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Kevin Barney posts:
...when I was clerking at a law firm after my second year of law school, and apparently the other clerk, a woman, was crushin’ on me a little bit, just assuming that I wasn’t married since I didn’t wear a ring. When she asked me out...
Occasionally women have shown an interest in me over the years (it seems to happen on the train from time to time for some reason)...
It's not your money, it's not your rugged jaw line, it's not your theology. It's your watch. Some girls just go for a Target Timex.

UPDATE:



Kevin as a Simpsonesque cartoon character. Hmmmm. Improvement over the original, or no?

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Zo, Kaimi, you zeem to have diz perziztent preoccupation mit Dialogue, ya? Conzidering vich article iz bezt, I can underztand diz, but poztal rates affecting zirculation? Diz zeems a bit...vat do I call it? Obzezzive? Poztal raights have gone up in zee past and it haz conzerned no one, yes? Vy now be conzerned? Hmmm? Dis Dialogue, I am perzonally unfamiliar mit it, but dis magazine, it is mit BCC, yes? Your arch enemy? Your rival? Do you feel angry zey are mit BCC and not your blog? Hmmm? Zo, Kaimi, tell me about your Mother.

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If we had said the "F" in FMH stood for "filth", there would have been an uproar. But, if Sunstone says it, then it is OK. More than OK, it is welcome, and the idea FMH is rated "G" is spurned! How dare they rate us "G"! So they backlink to the infamous Sex Post to prove they are not "G." Congratulations, girls, you are more like Ezekiel 23 than Isaiah 52.

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T&S and BCC loath one another, but it is good to see they can set aside their differences from time to time and embrace one another in their mutual disgust for ignorant anti-mormons (the enemy of my enemy is my friend, or something like that) and their mutual regard for themselves and their fabled accomplishments of yore.

Ah, it does my heart good to see them locked in the bonds of fraternity. Who knows what good can come from it? Perhaps Adam will guest blog at BCC? Maybe Steve will do some Dehlin-defying podcasting and interview Wilfried? If we could only get more prominent scholars and journalists to mock us publicly then we could all set aside our differences and band together in our disdain for their ignorance and arrogance.

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TEAM GREENWOOD

If you agree with Adam Greenwood's point of view on Mormonism, now is the time to join TEAM GREENWOOD. Because we are not all on the same team. The RIGHT team for the RIGHT people.

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fmhLisa has at least three surefire ways to drive traffic to her blog. She knows any post mentioning sex, women holding the priesthood, or polygamy will instantly raise her SiteMeter stats. Her latest Wild Speculation post goes two for three there, but her last paragraph puts the “wild” in her speculation.

I quote, lest you think I’m making this up:

And Finally, this is the “wild speculation about mysterious ways” part, could it be that polygamy was less about polygamy (and much less about dynastic polygyny) than about blowing minds and hearts wide open enough to ask questions and receive answers about the divine feminine? (Emphasis Added)
She then puts that question to the assembled FMH’ers for discussion – with very few exceptions the comments do little to raise the level of dialog.

I don’t know about you, but just reading fmhLisa’s wild speculation gets me all verklempt.

Talk amongst yourselves.

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Hubris! Arrogance! Revenge! Bloodcurdling Kierkegaard!

In this riveting sequel to the original smash hit you will see amazing arguments, withering glares, merciless insults and loads of other exciting summertime fare. Yes! The action-tragi-comedy of the season returns with yet another spine tingling installment. Tickets on sale now.

In other news, BCC and T&S still hate each other.

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T&S' internal battles continued over the weekend as the titanic egos of opinionated bloggers collided in spectacular fashion yet again. In case you missed it, over the weekend, instead of doing something useful with their time, like some yard work or playing with their kids, the inner circle of T&S descended into yet another cacophony of contention by slandering the Marriots in a truly over-the-top tirade against pornography by Matt Evans, which they subsequently yanked and sort of apologized for. Ah, but note the "apology" was not by Matt (which apology was more of a "we didn't approve of the post or have any prior knowledge thereof, so please Mr. Marriott do not include us on the subpoena" statement). The typical course of action would be the T&S elite subject Matt to the gauntlet and graciously offer to allow him to resign, which he does and then falls out for awhile and then goes and starts his own blog. The problem is Matt owns the timesandseasons.org domain name. Hmmmmm, how are they going to pull this one off? How do you throw out one of the original members who has the keys to the shop? Things could get messy. Real messy. At least, one can only hope.

Call me, Matt, I'll give you $1000 for the domain.

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Guy Murray's Predictable Linkfest
Never has a Mormon blogger held the standards of quality, the Divinely uninspired Bloggernacle, and those rights that are subjectively, shallowly rooted in cyberspace’s history and tradition . . . and implicit in the concept of substantive commentary, in such disdain and contempt as has Guy Murray.



Prime: Murray's Constant Posting of Boring, Irrelevant non-Mormon Content to the Mis-named M&A Endorses T&S's Culture of Corruption

Washington, DC — SnarkerNacle Majority Leader Snarkimus Prime made the following statement today after Guy Murray posted more of the same kind of drivel that brought the Bloggernacle Times down:

“Guy Murray's decision to continue to vomit irrelevant political crap into the Bloggernacle is disgraceful. Shutting down the Bloggernacle Times was the one faint glimmer of accountability for the Bloggernacle elite's efforts to control the Bloggernacle and silence critics of the Mormon Archipelago. Now, even that small bit of justice has been undone. DMI Dave correctly determined that Murray deserved to be silenced for spamming the Bloggernacle. Wordpress gives Guy Murray the power to post crap, but history will judge him harshly for using that power to promote his own personal political agenda in a Mormon forum that does not care what he thinks.”


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And people wonder if the Bloggernacle will ever rise up and be something substantive. Nope, not as long as the two biggest big blogs act like this.

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T&S is fronting like a faithful blog, yet courting the Stoner crowd. Are they hot, are they cold? I just don't know, so out they go. What is never in question is their propensity for self-promotion. But, hey, at least JMS had enough class to allow Nate to toot her horn for her, where Kaimi just couldn't resist tooting it himself.

Following Kaimi's example, I would like to announce that I, the great and terrible Snarkimus Prime, will be one of the "yet to be announced" guest panelists on #233 "How Effectively Does the 'Compost' Fertilize the Garden?" Prime will be taking the "Con" position, arguing that while compost can serve as a valuable soil amendment, in this case it is largely worthless and occasionally toxic and should not be considered anything more dross.