Fellow Nacclites!

It is with greatly inflated ego and unilateral pride that the Quorum of the Indeterminate Number of Snarks has declared the nominees and winners of the 2008 Unilateral Niblet Awards!

You like me!!! Really!!! You like me!!!

Simply put, after much correlative counseling regarding last year’s chaotic debacle which degenerated into a whine fest seldom seen outside the Nursery, Dazzle and I decided it would be so much easier just to declare the nominees and winners in one single post. We did so in order to save the environment by conserving bandwidth, keystrokes, and whining.

Go ye, therefore, rejoice with the winners and weep with the also-rans.

That is all.

Who knew Tween Popstar Phenom Hanna Montana was a Bloggerancle fan? Color me surprised! All this week she will be doing a Disney version of "We're a Big Dysfunctional Family of Self-Absorbed Freaks That Can All Get Along and Love Each Other in 30 Minutes (less time for a word from our sponsor)" as she mimics the Bloggernacle's online community interactions. With the writer's strike over, Miley's version will no doubt be as substantive and genuine as the Bloggernacle version.

While Joseph Addison is doing all he can to delete all negative comments from the post and keep all the squeaky wheels greased (hey, did you notice that all of the major whiners from last year's Niblets are on the list of his "mighty and strong" nominators?) to avoid repeating last year's train wreck, that will be nothing compared to the virtual power of a ten ton locomotive of pre-adolescent narcissism when it comes to ensuring success.

Thank you Hanna for lending your credibility to something that might otherwise look... well... staged and a little bit fake.

It has come to my attention that The Wiz of Mormon Mommy Wars has unleashed a tear on the ‘Nacle Youth – otherwise known as the ‘under 30’ crowd. Not one to miss out on an obvious snark opportunity, I caught up with the `Nacle’s very own Grumpy Old High Priest to get his opinion on today’s young generation.


You know what I can’t stand? Young punks today. They think they’ve got it rough. They don’t know nothin’! I tell you what. Back in my day, we knew hardship.

Take missionaries for example. Look at ‘em! Ridin’ around on high-end bikes with helmets that could survive a 100 mph impact with a brick wall. Back in my day we didn’t need bicycle helmets. We rode 100 miles from one appointment to the other – no stops. If you fell behind you were left behind and your companion baptized your replacement up the road in the ditch and you had to hop freight trains to get home. That’s the way it was. That’s the way it was and we liked it. We loved it!

Another thing – all this instant communication technology. What’s with that? Back in my day, we didn’t have LDS.org. We didn’t even have the Ensign! Back in my day if you wanted to hear the words of the Prophet, you went to his house. That’s the way it was and we liked it! If you didn’t like it, you were excommunicated and that’s how we dealt with free thinkers.

Young kids today have too many damn channels on their TV! Back in my day we only had three channels and we could only see one clearly and it had the audio feed from another channel. So when we were watching Dallas we got stuck with the audio from Hill Street Blues. I knew who shot JR! Mick Belker shot that dirtbag!

The Wiz is right. You young punks live in a friggin’ utopia. When I think of all the havoc I could’ve wreaked with the stuff you take for granted today I get downright depressed that all these toys are wasted on the young.

Now get back to work so my Social Security check doesn’t bounce. Don’t make me break out my Cat of Nine Tails on your lazy butts!