OK, so it starts out boring, and then goes absolutely nuts. Start reading the comments somewhere in the 90's and then work your way down, and behold the nuttiness that is the Nacle. That is the problem with these blog things, after awhile most people just stop paying attention, and then crazy stuff gets in. Where is the heavy hand of the Admin now?

So I received a personal revelation the other day that all Nacle participants need to stop reproducing entirely, because they neglect their children in favor of blogging. All of you need to get spayed or neutered, now. You can make up for the lack of mortal offspring in the afterlife.

Not seconds, not minutes, not hours, but days...DAYS pass without some Nacle hipster taking upon themselves to comment, either positively or negatively, on the new Joseph Smith:Prophet of the Restoration movie the LDS Church has put out. What is going on? Are all of them so far behind on their finish-the-BOM-by-the-end-of-year that everything else has fallen by the wayside? That might be the case for the BCCers, but we are confidant the permabores at M* and T&S have already finished. Oh, I know what it is, all those guys got the new XBox360 for Christmas and are glued to their HDTVs with surround sound.

Yes, it is true, sex is boring...if you are discussing it on T&S. Talk about sucking the life out of a subject. Wow, lets talk about blastulas and binary fission while we're at it.

P.S., No, we are not back danithew, we are still on vacation until early next week, and, yes, your secretary does think you are wierd, because.

P.P.S., Kingsley, wild or no, we will not be discussing any interesting tidbits of our personal lives here.

P.P.P.S, Julie*, come on, do you have to delete things so vigorously?

*if it wasn't you who deleted it, insert whoever's name should be here (e.g., Kaimi, whoever).

Hey all you Naclers, see you after the Holidays. Until then, we here at the SnarkerNacle wish you all a great Christmas!

P.S., Yes, Stephen (ethesis), we are taking a little break here, so you don't have to point out to us that we have "slowed down some".

Our favorite gal at FMH is at it again!. TMILisa has some Christmas gifts for Santa!







Come and trim my Christmas tree,
With some decorations bought at Lindt's, honey,
I really do believe in you,
Let's see if you believe in me

Hurry down the chimney tonight
Hurry, tonight.

Hey, TMILisa, thanks for that lovely solo there. Almost as good as Marilyn Monroe.

I dont know though, I am still trying to figure out what H.O.T. stands for.
Halitosis-afflicted Old-Timer?
Heathen-derived Offensive Tree worship?
Hands On Training?
How Old is the Tiramisu?
Hey, we Ought to go to the Temple?
Herd Of Turtles?

After a punishing one hour walk to work and back, this is what Rusty's feet look like:

Oh, the humanity! Oh, the suffering! Its no wonder New Yorkers are complaining so much, since their legs and feet were long ago relegated to the status of vestigial organs given their dependence on the public transit system.

But, at least Rusty has learned what it was like for the early Pioneers. I hear it was just awful for them too, having to carry their luggage from the airport terminal to the limo themselves, on the way to the chauffeured handcart company, and only having a very limited selection of Dansko clogs on the frontier. Oh, my heck!

John Dehlin, the Nacle's podcast zealot, has challenged the Nacle to conform to his own image of what he thinks it should look like. Nice.

Hey, John, we here at the SnarkerNacle have some challenges for you:

1. Create Nacle videoconference/webcam chat room. Since getting to know each other's faces is requisite to your DehliNacle, set it up. Then, we can all get a good look at what each other looks like unshowered in their pyjamas. And, forbid participants from wearing masks or Graucho Marx mustachioed nose-glasses.

2. DehliNacle Correlation Meeting. Sure to be as effective as any PEC meeting, let us all meet in a giant circle of folding chairs and talk about what it is we are supposed to do this month, and then not really do at all, with the exception of leak any confidential information via the ward grapevine.

3. Create a DehliNacle Hot or Not website. Nacle participants can rate, on a scale of 1 to 10, how hot or not hot a post or fellow participant is. Weekly updates to the "Who's Hot, Who's not" top and bottom 10 will be sent out via e-mail.

4. You buy us all iPods. I want an iPod shuffle, but it needs to be hacked so that it not only randomly shuffles podcasts, I want mine to randomly shuffle the contents of podcasts, mixing them all up together in 5-10 second sound bites, and add something by Bjork or the Sugarcubes as background music. That is the only way it would be entertaining enough that I would listen to them.

5. Encourage M* to take on Sunstone as their co-permabloggers. Just as BCC has teamed up with Dialogue (and what a stunning success that has been, I mean readership of Dialogue has gone up by the dozens!), having M* and Sunstone team up would result in no small fireworks and some great posts. This will give Sunstone real Nacle credibility as they show off their stuff, and sap M* of its will to live.

6. Have the Nacle collaborate on a musical version of the Bloggernacle. It could be "Give My Regards to Bloggernacle", or "Salt Lake, Salt Lake!" or "les Nacerables" or "The fMh Monologues" or "The BOH Producers" or "Beauty & the Beast:MPJ & DKL".

You can do it, John, I know you can. I know I'm out of line commanding you to do these things, but I know you are capable of greater things than just podcasts. I hope you will sieze the moment.

With the Nacle slowing down to almost a complete grinding halt around the Holidays, there is nothing like throwing out a bone to our favorite dog Contention. Here, Contention, here, boy! Come get it!


And, so Geoff B, rakes up the M* muck, or should I say "protoplasmic ooze", for some more Evolution/Intelligent Design arguments. Its the typical nonsense, but in the comments is one beauty from NDBF Gary, who speculates all science textbooks will have to be rewritten after the Second Coming because then everyone will realize there was no death before the Fall. That, or none of them will have to be rewritten because the whole NDBF thing will be shown to be a bunch of speculative hogwash fomented by tradition, and little else.

Mr. Stegosaurus says, "No, no, NDBF Gary is right!"

Google executives, known to be hardcore Nacle afficionados, took their cue from Steve Evans' Bloggernacle Zeitgeist (defunct for the time being, until Steve fulfils his BOH-induced penitence) and created their own Google Zeitgeist. Google executives stated they were saddened by Evans' self-imposed exile, and wanted to honor his contributions in some small way. When asked about a Google Zeitcast, executives indicated there was an alpha version currently under development with AOL, but would comment no further.

Rumor has it OSC is so busy hobnobbing with Hollywood types he has not only snubbed his faithful legion of Creative Writing groupies at SVU, he has also pretty much blown off both December Holidays observed by faithful Mormons. Upon hearing the news, ants all over the world rejoiced.

Why someone hasn't done this already, I don't know. But, we have pulled this one together for all our NacleBuddies to enjoy. I doubt they can ship it to you by Christmas, but it would be a great gift any time. I know what GeoffJ is getting for his BDay!

If people like it and it actually proves to be sufficient motive, the SnarkerNacle will dole out one of these per month, at the end of the month, to snarkworthy tipsters who's material gets posted. Starting in January, 2006.

As Blather of Heathens slips into obscurity, DKL struggles to fill the idle minutes of his day, formerly filled with artfully crafted posts designed to make him look clever as he attacked his femme faux alter ego. And, so, David, deep in denial over the whole thing, resorts to the one place a few people might still look upon him favorably, and posts as himself in the voice of Miranda PJ. And having been outed as attempting to ingratiate himself with all the local feminists, actually does post as MPJ. Eeew. I have a new nome de plume for Dastardly David: Cleopatra, Queen of Denial.

P.S., Has anyone but me noticed David has an enduring interest in mental health issues?

Rebecca (a.k.a. Mrs. Ronan) over at FMH gives us a nice primer on how the English do Christmas. But, she fails to mention the perennial favourite: Figgy Pudding.

Rebecca, how could you forget the figgy pudding?


Now bring us some figgy pudding, now bring us some figgy pudding, now bring us some figgy pudding, and bring it right now!

Girl, if you don't get us some figgy pudding, we won't go until we get some. So you better get in the kitchen, cuz we on vacation, we got loads of time, and we want some. NOW!

NOW BRING US SOME FIGGY PUDDING! NOW BRING US SOME FIGGY PUDDING, REBECCA! YOU BETTER GET US SOME FIGGY PUDDING, AND I SAID RIGHT NOW! GOT IT? NOW!

Having little else to talk about, besides Mitt Romney's imminent failure at running for President, the Nacle has decided to talk about something seasonal: Smith's Birthday. Yes, its true. Joseph Smith Jr. was born around, but not on, Christmas, so let us all expostulate with hate-filled anti-mormons to show them we do not worship Joseph Smith, as they allege.

I guess this is not so much an issue in Canada and the UK, since its Boxing Day? Or what would have happened if Smith was born on Valentine's Day? Or Easter? Or 4th of July? Or Thanksgiving? Would we worry about giving thanks for Brother Joseph?

Lots of people were born on Dec. 23rd, about 1/365 of the world's population I'd guess. And Smith's birthday has been that for about, what, 200 years now, so what is the big deal? Some ravenous, livid, hate mongering dolts are moaning and puling. What's news? If they didn't complain about that, they would complain about something else equally contrived and irrelevant.

Have a Merry Christmas, be grateful for what Smith did, and pass the egg nog.

Vince McMahon: Wow, I have seen a lot of amazing fights in my life, but nothing like that. I mean, whoa, that was scary. I am going to need therapy.

Bloggernacle Snarker: Yeah, I'll say, that was incredible. Even sends shivers down my spine, and its not like I have to worry about that kind of thing.

VM: Snarker, why don't you recap for the audience what just transpired?

S: OK, Vince, I will try, but I don't think I can do it justice.



OK fight fans, after the opening act, Mike Tyson vs. Randy "Macho Man" Savage was over with, the crowd settled in for the Main Event, the Final BloggerNacle Deathmatch.

First, Adam Greenwood came into the ring and starting warming up with some martial arts exercises and stretches. The crowd was hushed, because it was obvious Greenwood had been doing some intensive training since the last bout. Greenwood then announced he should be referred to as "Zorg". The crowd whispered the name questioningly. A menacing and scary name to be sure.

Then the introductory music "Eye of the Tiger" blared over the loudspeakers and TMILisa came out of the dressing rooms and jogged up to the ring in a lovely satin pale pastel pink robe and matching leotard and boots. TMILisa vaulted over all three ropes and the crowd went wild! An entire section of seats was full of nothing but Lisa's and they all chanted "LISA, LISA, LISA..." She waved to the crowd, smiled, and then sat criss-cross-applesauce in the center of the ring, with her head bowed and hands perpendicular palms together. The crowd went silent, and even Zorg was distracted by the unusual site, stopping his calisthenics.

The referee started entering the ring, and when he did, TMILisa sprung to her feet, and did three double back flips into her conrer, silently and seemingly effortlessly landing with her butt perfectly placed on the stool, hands palm down on knees. Everone was stunned.

Realizing what he was up against, Zorg did a series of leg sweeps followed by a front roll and back flip into his corner. It was mostly for his own confidence though, and the crowd was still glued to TMILisa.

The Ref centered the ring and called the opponents up, and both walked up directly. The crowd watched with anticipation as the Ref announced the rules, and dismissed them to their corners. Both walked back to the corners and waited for the bell to ring.

When the bell rang, both walked deliberately to the center of the ring, faced off and bowed, hands at sides. Zorg announced "You have offended my family, and you have offended a Republican temple." TMILisa stated "To repress one's feelings only makes them stronger." Zorg was stunned by the implication, and stepped back, assuming combat stance, and TMILisa remained motionless.

Tension filled the ring, and the audience. Sweat beaded up on Zorg's brow. It was clear he had to make the first move, and so he attacked! He shrieked and lunged forward, but TMILisa raised both hands, palms facing Zorg, and pushed forward in the air as though pushing Zorg, and he flew backwards into the ropes, bouncing off and flopping on his face!

The crowd was stunned. Zorg was stunned. I was stunned. I mean, I usually only see stuff like that in cartoons!

Zorg got up, but was clearly off his game. He assumed an attack pose again, and charged. TMILisa ran towards him and jumped high into air, doing a spinning double kick as she flipped backwards, hitting Zorg in the face twice, once with each foot. He fell over onto his back, and she landed on the other side of him with her back to him.

She then jumped up and landed on the ropes, balancing, ran around the ring to face Zorg and stopped, standing on the ropes. Zorg again pulled himself to his feet, stumbling somewhat.

Then quick as lightning, TMILisa flew off the ropes, ran past Zorg, and then jumped back up the ropes again, on the other side, both of them backs to each other.

Zorg, stumbled, leaned forward, clutched at himself, and then fell face forward on the mat. He lift his head one last time and mumbled "No, no, not that..." and his face fell, never to rise again.

The crowd was silent, eyes fixed on TMILisa. She slowly raised her right hand, fist clenched in victory, and said "For all oppressed women everywhere, but most especially for all Mormon women oppressed by their right-wing Republican pseudo-orthodox husbands who exercise unrighteous dominion over them! MONKEY STEALS THE PEACH!!!"

The crowd errupted into crazed cheering, they went absolutely wild. Popcorn and soda flew into the air. Women spilled out of the seats into the aisles and rushed the ring, they jumped in and lifted TMILisa up, cheering and shouting.

However, looking back over the audience, a large number were sitting stunned, mostly men. They looked ashen white, almost deathly pale. As TMILisa was carried out of the stadium by the cheering crowd of women and their shouts faded, you could hear a low groaning, a sort of pathetic bass moaning from the men left stunned in their seats.

I have to tell you Vince, I was shocked myself. I mean, I was anesthetised when I was neutered, not like this.

Gordon Smith over at T&S says we should get the best deal we can and then donate whatever we save to charity. Sounds nice, but like anybody would ever do that. How would you calculate the difference to determine what you saved? Jeans from the Gap=$40 and jeans from Old Navy=$20, so send $20 to all the overworked displaced peasants in China making 2 cents an hour, 80 hours per week on 1950's era sewing machines? Got it. So I guess that means we'll all be having Denny's for Breakfast, Taco Smell for lunch, and McDogFood for dinner. That'll cost you 1.99 + 2.99 + 1.98 if you drink water and don't tip at Denny's, grand total=6.96, and send the balance of $18.04 to OxFam. What? You don't acually spend $25/day eating out? How much do you spend then? Ah, there's the rub. When it comes down to actually counting the amount we've saved, we just end up pocketing the difference, tell the Bishop at tithing settlement we are all good, and then consider ourselves charitable, Sri Lankan kids sewing shirts for Wal-Mart be damned.

Ms. Spackman gave in to temptation and was watching Gentile-produced heathen television on the morning of the Sabbath, while preparing for Church, instead of BYU-TV, and the onslaught of consumption-driven mass marketing Sabbath-day-violation was distracting her from getting to Church on time. Fortunately for her, a salutory piece on the LDS Church was featured, punctuating the messages of commercialized Christmas, and she kept the Sabbath day holy after all.

Dahling, you look Mahvelous. It is so good to see you. It is also so good to see the Blahgelnacle finally coming around to my point of view. You know dahling, it is betta to look good, than to feel good.

OK, OK, enough already. You love the guy, we got it. Nothing like hijacking a discussion to promote your personal agenda. You want people to say nice things about your husband? How about talking your husband into apologizing for acting like a jackass? Your one woman advocacy group will accomplish nothing against his one man self-immolation show.

Rumor has it the other participants at Our Thoughts are staging a coup detat, since Kim has admitted to violating the Word of Wisdom. Kim's wife, Mary, has been insisting it was an accident, but Kim has yet to step forward and explicitly disavow any deliberate attempt.