Poor Janet.

Her kitchen has been infested by itty bitty mice who have made confetti out of her linens and spreading feces on her china. I'm not sure, but I believe this might qualify as the smallest entry (by weight) in the never ending FMH Poop Chronicles.

Janet has tried to be humane in her attempt to rid her kitchen of her furry four footed guests. Her humanity and compassion are to be praised, but thus far have been ineffective. Her husband (of Porter Rockwell lineage) has taken increasingly drastic measures including "evil snap traps". Janet has even gone so far as to purchase Dcom in an effort to melt the little critters' nervous system.

Well, if I may be so bold, I'd like to add my suggestions to her list of rodent countermeasures to try. I have but two:

The M-84 Stun Grenade

Guaranteed to disable and disorient anything or anyone in the room. Also effective on annoying neighbors and packs of roving stray dogs. Comes in packages of three. Make sure to turn the gas off before throwing the device into the kitchen. Marketed as a non-lethal device, something sure to appeal to Janet's "marshmallow waffley liberal commie pinko" sensibilities.

The Desert Eagle 50


Sure to appeal to the Porter Rockwell half of the household. The downside is, identifying the remains of the little beasties might be difficult as the .50 cal round is almost bigger than the beastie itself. Another downside to this option is the possible separated shoulder resulting from the recoil.

Good luck defending your castle, Janet. These beasts are ferocious! And they have really sharp teeth!

On Halloween, the Bloggernacle was visited by zombies!!! EEEEEWWW! Yes, it is true. The Banner of Heaven is back from the grave!. They're coming to get you, Barbara!

Wrapping up the Butler Trifecta: Mark Butler takes himself seriously and thinks there are others who do too. We just don't believe that.

Well, do you (click for survey)?

UPDATE:errrrm...ah...yeah...well, owing to the situation we decided it would be in bad taste to go ahead with the result of the survey. The results were totally predictable anyway, so thanks everyone.

Pre-All Saints Eve Guest Post, by the spirit of Aaron B. Cox

Infinite conversational recursion of the sort where semantical obfuscation requires becoming the sole participant among a multitude of sycophants (less those are banned, deleted or require editing into conformity), who praise and emulate a further bloggerly host, and so on going both backward and forward an infinite number of bloggerations is the standard model of Latter-day Saint blogging cosmology, as initiated by Times and Seasons, but perfected by my own New Order Millennial Star.

Fortunately for me, since I am transcendentally brilliant, this model has many difficulties worthy of my considerations (since I am the only one capable of explicating such complexities of Platonic Mormonism, which Joseph Smith clearly espoused but which fact is obscure to all who fail to be inspired as I), difficulties that may be solved by transition between the sophisticated philosophies of learned men such as I and the subtle revelations of the Holy Spirit revealed to me, and back again. The oaks of Bashan and the cedars of Lebanon (which are the bloggers of the Naccle) shall be humbled and shall submit to a goodly cedar, even the New Order Millennial Star. For the LORD alone shall be exalted in that day, and anything He has to say to you will be through me.

Behold, I teach you the truth, the doctrine of INCORPORATION (a doctrine formerly known as the Atonement, which is wrong). If you are stupid, and question me, then I will delete your comments, because they are wrong, and I am right, because I am inspired, and you are not, as evidenced by your very comments. If you have no argument and no revelation, then I am unpersuaded, and therefore correct. QED.

Mark Butler is without question showing himself forth as one of the most accomplished and brilliant narcissists on the Bloggernacle. In only a couple of months he has effectively hijacked Millennial Star and turned it into his own bully pulpit of egomania, spreading forth all sorts of wacky doctrine ex cathedra, deleting all comments he doesn't like and editing the heck out of the ones that fail to praise his maniacal brilliance. It is only a matter of time before Mark starts banning anyone who dares question him, and why shouldn't he? That is what any good narcissist would do, and Mark is good.

What Bloggernacle newbie couldn't learn a few things from this master of craftsmanship? Geoff B has got to be cursing the day he invited him to join, having lost grip of M*'s reins as Mark wrenched them from his hands. And Clark Goble is presumably cursing his fate having at the very least tacitly approving his addition, and perhaps even endorsing it, given Mark's prior activity of Clark's philosophy page. Oh, cruel twists of fate!

Now, I know what you all are thinking, Mark Butler isn't real. He just can't be. Yes, on this anniversary of the demise of the Banner of Heaven, people suspect Mark Butler in fact the incarnation of none other than Aaron B. Cox come back to harangue us all with his prophetic wisdom. Could it be? Is Mark Butler the Aaron B. Cox doppleganger? If so, it would be a birthday present of such epic systems proportions no software engineer could possibly imagine, anyone who pulled such a hoax would have to have all human knowledge available at their fingertips, a veritable repository to store all knowledge in one model, which takes advantage of cURL too. Is this butlerm's xmission? To stage a man in the middle dot net attack?

Over at T&S, Jonathan Green suggests that the Church might learn a few lessons from the international marketing efforts of big corporations like Wal-Mart and McDonalds.

Indeed! And the Church has listened:

Learning from Wal-Mart's mistakes, to attract price-conscious German converts, the church will implement predatory pricing on tithing and other offerings.

Taking a cue from McDonalds, the Church will now use this new, revised logo on all German church buildings and missionary materials.
The Mormon Church: I'm lovin' it!

It was not confirmed, at the time of this writing, if the Church would authorize the granting of indulgences. Also, the initial idea of "drive-through" Sacrament distribution was scrapped due to the relatively high fuel prices prevalent in European markets.

BCC wants to be bigger, better, hipper and...well...more T&S-like than T&S, and the past couple of days have seen major accomplishments along those lines. Congratulations! BCC has descended into the downward spiral of petty infighting that spills over into blogspace in the same sophisticated and adroit manner T&S does on occasion.

J.Stapley's "No You're Not One of Us" piece has spun off some related sordid bits. While DMI Dave, formerly of BCC, eagerly distances himself from the fracas and The Chupacabra suggests everyone just chill out, it is plain the BCCers are not ready to douse the fire J.Stapley started. HD/JDC defends J.Stapley (probably because there is a secret BCC club for people with initialized first name letters of "J", given RT/JNS' support; shouldn't be too long before it is revealed Steve Evans' middle name is actually Julius and he starts posting as Super J. Enius), as Amri "note the lack of a J initial in my name" Brown points out all this petty tripe is a great load of rubbish.

Just look at all of these purveyors of Bloggernacle® obsessing about Bloggernacle®. Really, who gives a baboon's cheeky red bum what any of these people think? I don't care if their first initial is J. or not, for the life of me cannot understand why anyone else does. J.Stapley doesn't like angsty DAMUs? So what? Who cares what some preppie history-major-wannabe who wants to be so-cool-yeah-i-am-in-a-band in Seattle thinks?

For the piece de resistance, two BCC permabloggers will resign and be moved to emeritus status. Naturally they should be females, given T&S' lead. And, it will be great fodder for a "Hey why aren't there more female permabloggers in the Big Group Blogs" type post, which will devolve into banal sexism arguments.

Uh oh, J. Stapley stepped in it (hurry, go to FMH and write a guest post about it!). Not only does he attempt to dictate BCC policy and get slapped for it, he tromps on the DAMU and gets chastised for it! Imagine that, the offensive are easily offended (the best defense is to be easily offended, right?). Oh, poor J. Worst of all, nobody came in and praised him with choruses of "Thank you, Oh, thank you for this" as he so often regales others with. The ingrates!

Tip for all budding narcissists: Step on a bear trap instead, as it may generate some sympathy for you. But, do take off your penny loafers first, as you wouldn't want them to get scuffed up.

Last week's top narcissist was Guy Murray. Who? You know, that guy who in concert with M0's Geoff B keeps the Bloggernacle abreast of every move Mitt Romney makes. Oh, yeah, that guy. Well, like any good aspiring narcissist, Guy is quick on his feet at directing traffic to his blog to increase his hit count. Being a quick study from the contention, and massive numbers of comments, on recent Bush-hating rabid rants at BCC by RH and HP, Guy follows suit and jumps into the fray to score the highest number of comments ever on a blog post. Natch, he follows it up with another one to keep the momentum rolling, but interest peters out quickly when readers realize they are being played.

And, lest his mentors think he has gone all left-wing and thereby endanger his much-aspired-too guest bloggering, he returns to the source of his inspiration to castigate them sharply for their obvious excesses. Good on you Guy for helping to reign in Ronan's "light speeches", "excess of laughter" and "superfluity of naughtiness", providing ample backlinks to your own blog.


Note to all aspiring narcissist bloggers: Follow Guy's example assiduously and you too will enjoying higher hit counts, riding boldly and bravely on the coat tails of others down well-worn paths to glory.

Scabbers Wormtail lashed out at his master today in an effort to ingratiate himself with those whom he has previously disenfranchised through self-promoting treachery. When asked for a comment regarding the apparent insult, Lord Voldemort stated in a matter-or-fact manner, "Let the permabores be warned, his devotion is nothing more than cowardice. He would not be at T&S if he had anywhere else to go."

Covertly obtained correspondence between Scabbers and the permabores, obtained at great personal risk and sparing no expense to obtain, is as follows:

"Adam, Adam, what could I have done? The Dark Lord... you have no idea ... he has weapons you can't imagine ... I was scared, Adam, I was never brave like you and Matt and Russell. I never meant it to happen ... He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named forced me ... He -- he was taking over everywhere! Wh -- what was there to be gained by refusing him? You don't understand! He would have killed me, Adam!"

One of the less polite female permabores, stated of Scabbers,

"Hero-worshiped Oman and Harris. Never quite in their league, talent-wise. I was often rather sharp with him ... Stupid boy ... Foolish boy .. .He was always hopeless at blogging..."

As reported a couple of weeks ago John Dehlin pulled the plug on MoSto because it was eclipsing the rest of his life. Since taking it down, he has been smothererd with the DAMUnacle's love and has realized it needs to be resurrected. Yes, for the paltry sum of only $2000/month it will go back online. And for $4000/month John will grow it into a veritable hub of all things Mormon and Media, casting himself as Jon Stewart, Tim Russert, Charlie Rose and Ken Burns all wrapped up into one charming Mormonism questioning media vanguard. Wow, John, now that is the kind of narcissism I love and respect. But why stop there John? Pull in David Letterman, Jay Leno and then cast your future in parallel to Ted Turner, Rupert Murdoch and Sir Richard Branson as well. You can be the Head DAMU! Now, all you have to do is convince a group of people who are united by their hatred of all things Mormons, and little else, to unite under your banner and give you money.

UPDATE: John weighs in on the comments to let people know what is going on in his life and with the MoSto blogsite.

Being an unapolagetic narcissist, I am all about self love. But this is just way too much!

This installment of Narcissist of the Week (NotW) comes a bit early, but with a series of performances so stunning there is no possibility it could be outdone. Maybe added to, but never outdone. With a veritable narcissism trifecta, who could possibly hold a candle to this bright and shining spotlight?

First up Julie brilliantly defends her literary approach to the Gospel of Mark by steadfastly and articulately crushing all naysayers beneath her feet. Since she is right, and she knows she is right, why listen to anyone else, let alone respond to their inane and banal questions? I know I wouldn't, because I am right, all the time, no matter what.

Then, Julie slaps down DMI Dave in the comments on an ExpoII thread, and takes it on over to a full-fledged post on T&S to give Dave the drubbing he deserves, and so none of her adoring fans will miss her sublime ingenuity in the comments of a relatively obscure blog. Heck yeah, that is so totally what I would have done. I mean, T&S is there as her personal pedestal, to bask in her glory, so why not use it to flail the enemies of righteousness and correct interpretations? Similar to the her performance in the Leprous Temple thread noted above, she handily makes her point and dispatches all naysayers. Why be gracious, when you are right, and it is all his fault?

Finally, Julie deigns to shows forth her exemplary erudition in New Testament scholarship by endorsing a book that would be acceptable for pedestrain laymen, like the typical unin[it]iated Bloggernacle reader. Ah, what a breath of fresh air! Natch, Julie points out all of the problems with the text, having spotted them all, owing to her obvious expertise in the subject, so as to spare the dullards of the Bloggernacle any confusion or doubt over being misinformed. Grateful we are, Julie! May you always lead us into the paths of defensible non-free-for-all scriptural interpretations! After I get my copy, will you personally sign it with a glowing endorsement (less the bad bits, which I will allow you to personally comment on in the margins)?

All Hail Julie M. Smith, Paragon of Charity, Diplomacy and Brilliant Exegesis!

She will be an example to us all, forever and always.

The Sunstoned Blog declares itself to be

An open forum examining the rich spiritual, intellectual, social and artistic qualities of Mormon history and contemporary life.

That's all fine and good. They explore the far reaches of intellecutalism in the hopes of proving once and for all they are smarter than the average blogger.

Well, Scot Denhalter is going to have to subtract himself from the smart guy list. Either that, or he's going to have to learn how to use the spell-check function of his word processor. Of all the places to make a spelling error, the title line is the most obvious.


So much for intelligence.

I love blogging because at its very core it is an exercise in self-indulgent excess. It is all about me and how clever I am and why you should pay attention to me and my ramblings. Because of that, I, the sNarcissist, am introducing a new feature highlighting prominent, exemplary, stunning and extraordinary feats of self-absorption in blogging. Examples to us all. Pillars in the Bloggernacle.

This week: Connor Boyack's Conundrums

Just click on the link above, and when you get there, refresh it over and over again. You will have the utter pleasure of seeing lots of pictures of Connor. Most people hide from stalkers. Not Connor. This single 20something man is eager to be stalked, since his blogging is interfering with is his dating prospects.

If you can get past the seemingly endless Connor photo cascade and redundant links to all of his latest shindigs, including being the top ranked listing at his own Sustain'd, move on to the posts wherein he answers questions nobody has asked of him, brags up his Mom (who writes books Ms. Smith isn't all that impressed with, so now she has the opportunity to judge her writings by Connor's online activities, not that Ms. Smith would ever judge anyone), praises Hitler for insights which closely match his own, praises his own orthodoxy and mormanity, and so on and so on. No wonder he is having trouble finding a help meet. Me? I have Echo. Connor? He disparages Democrats and Republicans alike, so I guess he is going to marry himself a Constitution Party Hottie, at least as hot as he is.

Awww, yeah, should be easy!
Mackin the babes that believe 9/11 was a lie!

Next week: You

John "I heart DAMU" Dehlin's Mormon Stories has been shut down. The usual rumors swirl around ("It got too big for him", "He couldn't deal with the fame", "It was eclipsing his real life", "His membership was threatened by the Church", "His dog ate the hard drive"). But, the sNarcissist knows the truth, as only the sNarcissist could. Here is what really happened: Brandon Flowers was the last person John posted on. Now Brandon is a lovely boy, almost every bit as lovely as me. But, he has this whole "and you can't be a Mormon and be cool! But I'm trying my best!" thing going on, and then John outs him on the Bloggernacle. Humiliated by the extraordinary social force in Mormonism that the Bloggernacle is, Brandon was publicly embarrased in front of all Mormondom and swore vengeance on Dehlin for it. So, he used his Rock n' Roll powers of influence to have John's site taken down to spare him any further problems among the Mormon community, who still think Flowers is the neatest thing since Donny O. Oh, It is so sad when someone's pride gets the best of them and they throw a little tantrum like this, but this is just a lesson to all in the Bloggernacle: Don't mess with poweful pretty boys, they will kill you.

Rumor has it Steve "Super Genius" Evans is going to resurrect his weekly curelom-laden podcast to fill the void left by Dehlin on all Mormon's iPods. If you do, please do have Mark Butler on as a guest, as he is no doubt going to send the Millennial Star arcing through the Nacle sky like a comet.

While I’d normally stick to snarking ‘nacle posts, the Nacle has been rather uninterestingly boring of late. When I need a good laugh, I check the BYU Newsnet to see what controversy is stirring amongst the Cougars in Provo. Yesterday’s Daily Universe was no disappointment.

(Partial Disclosure – I am a BYU grad, in case that matters.)

It seems that this past Tuesday’s devotional featured dance performances. The Cougarette Dance Team performed a routine choreographed to the hymn Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing. I didn’t see the routine, so I can’t really comment on whether or not it was well done. However, should you want a review, you could ask Heidi McLaren or Rebecca Fluckiger – two BYU students who watched the performance and were, by their own admission, shocked, appalled, and horrified.

It drove them to such hysteria they were inspired to use a big descriptive word to illustrate their feelings. They described the performance as blasphemous. Take a few centuries off the calendar and blasphemy could get you stoned, burned, or otherwise deprived of life itself. Yes, somehow a Cougarette dance team managed to stray into the realm of irreverence and profanity.

That, for me, is just a bit of a stretch. More likely, however, is the possibility that Heidi and Rebecca fall into the category of church member which believes any use of hymns outside the chapel is heresy. These young women remind me of girls who would audibly gasp in surprise and near horror when I would crack open a can of Mountain Dew in the Wilk to wash down my lunch. And here I thought the Footloose mentality was limited to a movie shot in Lehi.

Memo to Heidi and Rebecca: Dear Sisters, loosen up! You obviously missed or did not even bother to read The Preacher’s counsel regarding dance. Just because somebody’s use of music and dance does not conform to your narrow interpretation of “acceptable” doesn’t mean it’s vile, irreverent, or profane.

You both might want to think about that before you go unsheathing a word you picked up from your Old Testament class vocabulary list.

Why start at the bottom like everyone else, when you can promote yourself to box number one on your own index site? That is precisely what any self-respecting narcissist would do, and that is what endears me to DKL. His unapologetic willingness to put himself first, where he belongs, is a sterling example to all of us. Why feign humility when it is just an act of deception? Nope, when you are number one, you may as well shout it from the roof tops. Nice work, DKL, and all you others as well. Especially great kudos on that original and innovative blog design, it is almost as beautiful as you, but nowhere near as beautiful as me.

... blogs*.

The FMH gals have been taking their measurements, and now share them with the world!

The results? The FMH girls are well-endowed with plenty of web traffic. And that's good news, because the Nacle loves girls with big... blogs.

And, ouch! While strutting her stuff, fmhLisa suggests that Julie and Rosalynde are padding!

* Sheesh, what were you thinking?? Didn't you guys listen to conference at all? Tsk tsk, boys, how dare you stare like that!

T&S Permabore Russell Arden Fox is mad.


He’s outraged. He’s downright furious at every single Mormon in Congress. He’s so mad his anger even extends to those church members who were within a 15 mile radius of the capitol building last Thursday when the Congress passed legislation detailing requirements for the detention and interrogation of foreign thugs who would like nothing better than to blow up as many Americans as possible.

I think it can be safely said that a good percentage of Nacclites lean to the left side of the political spectrum. Any post remotely related to US politics, the Global War on Terror, or similar subjects has only to be up for a matter of hours before President Bush is compared to Hitler, Vice-President Cheney is compared to Mussolini, and Donald Rumsfeld is declared to be the Devil Incarnate.

While Russell does admit the problems inherent with putting thugs like Khalid Sheikh Mohammed on trial in an open forum which would make the OJ trial look like an afternoon with Judge Judy, he offers no alternative. Terrorist thugs should be granted all the rights of due process in the federal court system despite the fact that if they were not manacled to the defense table they’d be attempting to bring the building down.

While I will agree with Russell on the fact that the Constitution was written and established by “wise men….raised up” for that purpose, I believe Russell missed a very important part of the document they wrote. When referencing war, the founders gave specific powers to two of the three branches of government. Congress has the authority to declare war. The President, acting in his role as Commander-in-Chief of the Armed Forces, has the authority to wage war. Conspicuously absent from any role in war declaring or war fighting is the Judicial Branch.

Perhaps the Founders were well read in Shakespeare and perceived the dangers inherent in fighting a war on the floor of a courtroom.

Keep in mind there are many who support exactly what you have so elequently written here!!!! And most of all, that is me, me, ME! There aren't enough exclamation points for me to insert here to explain how much I agree with you, and how much I want to guest post on T&S, because we are all peas in a pod. Yes, Russell, I could have written it a little better myself, but I have been so busy with other pressing issues, so thank you so very much for so articularly speculating on Joseph Smith's alleged position on an issue he obviously would have agreed with us on. I mean, any politicians who agree with us are obviously inspired and any we disagree with are clearly childish and craven. That just goes without saying, but thanks for saying it. I mean, who are these people anyway? It isn't like they know anything at all about law, politics or any of that stuff. We are obviously better able to tell them how to govern, I mean, come on. I think it is time for some grandstanding, because the terrorists have won if we don't do a little granstanding so we can force a fundamental change in our societal framework. I mean...oh, whatever. Yeah, it is just so obvious that anyone who takes the Sacrament should be totally against this...this...this...deflowering of our virgin daughters. Not that I have any daughters, but if I did, it would be like that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And America is so much like the Khmer Rouge. Oh, its so awful it makes a person not want to be an American! Oh, wait, I'm Greek. Yay for me! I don't have to part of this awful, oppressive regime that tramples on the Constitutional rights of people who aren't even citizens!!! But, I will still complain about it vehemently to prove I am against the American Mormon Church mainstream. Yippee!!!!! But, I would still like to be the gazillionth person to say I agree fully, totally and 100%ly with Russell, because he, like me, really knows what he is talking about and is totally right...I mean left...I mean...right in being left...correct that is. Like me. Because I am always ri...correct.

You know, I totally love this guy. I mean, here is someone who embraces his self-love the same way I do, fully. Some might bad mouth the guy, but not me. Ever. I totally identify with him. I mean, I would leave the Church too if Brigham came back from the dead and told me to get rid of my jeans. I mean, no way. I look so good in them. I am sure DKL looks good in his too, but nowhere near as good as me, I mean, come on. Yeah, some might say DKL and I are worldly because of something like that. But, I got to tell you, I am the world, so it just is not a matter of "in" or "out" of it. I am it. Yeah, me in my jeans, looking so good, all the time. Work it.

...but more importantly me. I was going to write a big, long post about how much I love the Bloggernacle. But, truth is, I found something better to blog about: Me! Yes, that is so right. Just like the rest of you, I would rather blog about me than anything else. My clever thoughts, and brilliant insights into the mundane things of life, turning the banal into the effervescent. And, naturally, how beautiful I am.

But, you know what is almost as beautiful as me? J.Stapley's gorgeous web designs. I mean, the entire Bloggernacle should be transformed into a landscape bannered three columned majesty of neo-classical artistry in pastel hues. If he could work some ionic columns in there it would be as beautiful as me. Now some pesky iconoclasts have to go and do their own thing, but he too shall soon see the wisdom of uniformity in maintaining the Bloggernacle's character so as to mirror its content. And believe me, I know about mirrors.

Similarly beautiful is the way prominent people on the Bloggernacle love and treat each other with such tenderness and kindness. That is why I keep reading it, well, that and I can see my reflection in the monitor. Because all things of beauty and good report and praiseworthy...amd all that. Which leads me to this next piece that justifiably warns against writing stupid things in e-mails, but mercifully avoids the subject of writing offensive blog posts...you know...since we are all bloggers. I mean, e-mail is one thing but blogging is something completely different. Now that is beautiful, because if he had warned against corrupt communications in the Bloggernacle, then people would have been all over him in a contentious tirade. So that is another thing of beauty, in wisely counseling people on things that will not upset them. Because people really don't like being upset. Neither do I, if I ever got upset. Which I don't, because it would cause premature wrinkling.

Yeah, so, do leave lots of comments praising my wisdom, grace and beauty and I will respond in kind with link-backs and opportunities to guest post and maybe even permasnarker status. Gotta go, the breeze has died down so the water is nice a smooth again, and the sun is at just the perfect angle to make my skin just look perfect.

It was one year ago today
Nacle Snarker told the band to play
They've been going in and out of style
But they've always tried to raise a smile
So may I introduce to you
the act you've know for one whole year
Bloggernackle Snarkers Masochistic Schadenfreude Band

We're Bloggernackle Snarkers Masochistic Schadenfreude Band
We hope you have enjoyed the show
Bloggernackle Snarkers Masochistic Schadenfreude Band
Sit back and let the Nackle go
Bloggernackle Snarkers, Bloggernackle Snarkers
Bloggernackle Snarkers Masochistic Schadenfreude Band
It is wonderful to be here
It is certainly a thrill
You are such a lovely audience
We'd never take you home with us
We'd like to send you home

I don't really want to stop the show
But I thought you might like to know
that the bloggers going to blog all wrong
And he wants you all to read along
So may I introduce to you
The one and only sNarcissist
Bloggernackle Snarkers Masochistic Schadenfreude Band

TftC Carrie laments the aggravation of dealing with teenage girl babysitters! Back in the day, teenage girls worked hard, delivered the goods and earned their money, dagnabbit! Uh huh. Yeah. This sounds like one of those "Back when I was a little girl, we had to walk uphill to school both ways, in the freezing rain, with no shoes, on broken glass! You kids are so spoiled!" things. OK, guess what, you live in an affluent community and the kids don't have to work hard. End of story. But, that doesn't solve the childcare problem. Fortunately, Kage has the solution. Problem solved!



I bet she would make a great babysitter.

H8 to be statin the obvious all crass and rude,
but the Nacle's fulla nrrdy white grrls and dudes.
Yo the Bloggernacle is so Nrrrdy and White,
Edgy fo da womyns is all diapers n shite.
Deez girls hardcore, down with da homeschoolin'
Yeah, you're holier than us, but dats no foolin.
The least haole guy in the Naccle is Hawaiin,
but he's fetchin dang nrrrdy without even tryin.
Mormon Stories once interviewed a guy that ain't white,
but John compensates bein left wing and uptight.
Napoleon Dynamite's bro Kip looks like my hubby,
all their kids watch PBS, Hey Arthur, yo Teletubbie.

Naccles so Nrrdy, Nrrdy and White,
Blogger.com won't let me post, caint sleep tonight.
Naccles so Nrrdy, Nrrdy and White,
Martin Mull, Mayo, Mashed potatos, das right!

Hawt doctrine on tap, supa def jam flow,
McConkie be damned, I'm the man in the know.
My man MittRom is going straight to the top,
Bills dreamin of interns, Hillary tell him to stop.
J's got style, he fronts da Naccle da best,
Cept for 9M, who's fonts are so fresh.
Aw, yeah, Save as Draft, so I don't lose da edits,
Gotta switch to WordPress and blog on its credits.
Must choose sides, which clique I'm on,
Get onto a team blog before I'm gone.
Anglin for ByCommon, so I'll drop me a mine,
Badmouthin W, Word up that guys a swine!

Naccles so Nrrdy, Nrrdy and White,
DKL and DP flamewar, so no sleep tonight.
Naccles so Nrrdy, Nrrdy and White,
Donny O., Fluffy pufft, yum Meringue, outta sight!



W3rd up y'all, send in your own lyrics and them greenbeenz cazzarolex recipes and we'll get bizzyo.

“Righteous” and “Justified” are not synonyms.

But you would never know this from reading Times and Seasons. How many times have you heard, “I am right, and you are wrong” there? Guess what? You are in no position to sit there and self-righteously criticize people. All we can tell is how petty you are. For all we know, you could be thinking about torturing bunnies. Being justified is more than just finding fault.

I don’t think this is a semantic quibble. A kid who watches their parent mercilessly attack others, especially ladies who already have full plates at both home and school and are just trying to manage a group of unruly kids and keep things positive, will develop a very strange idea as to what it means to be righteous.

Please: just thank the T&S permabores for being quiet or ask them to be quiet.

P.S., Maybe when you become bishop, you can round up all the people who preach "reverence" instead of "quiet" so they would be facing a church court for conduct unbecoming a disciple of Christ.

File under: Celebrity Poet Deathmatch, Killing With Words, Potayto versus Potahto

While Ben Huff is eagerly anticipating Nate's upstart antics in his usual ingratiating manner, Supergenius Steve sure isn't. And while he is at it, he also takes a shot at the Millennial Black Hole's newest permanent defacer.

Sure, sure, Steve does obliquely censure his own as well, just for good measure, but he is really referring to the non-BCC commentors who speculate wildly before being sent off elsewhere, so J.Stapley is sure not to take offense.

In the battle for #1, it is clear where Steve stands. T&S aspires to academic credentialism, and in doing so is helping suck the life out of the Bloggernacle, nay all of Mormonism, like so many leeches. In the mean time, BCC fills the Bloggernacle with the more appropriate types of soul-fortifying non-bone-marrow-sucking Mormon scholarship via Dialogue.

Well now, that certainly clears things up: T&S Mormon Studies = BAD, BCC Mormon Studies = GOOD. Yay! Or, maybe what Steve is saying is: T&S Desperate Attempts at Mormon Studies = BAD, BCC Clearly Established and Highly Accomplished Mormon Studies = GOOD. Huzzah!

Over at BCC, they talked about how things have changed in the Bloggernacle over the past couple of years. People danced around why it isn't all that great, but nobody came out and said "The Bloggernacle is a Steaming Pile of Crap". And, sure, after awhile that turns into a compost pile, which can be useful fertilizer, but in reality, its still a big pile of rotting poo.

The comments in that very thread served to show why the Bloggernacle is a pile of crap:

1) A relatively small number of Nacle "elite" dominate the conversation.

2) DKL, and other prominent self-promoters, troll big threads and turn everything into an egomaniacal diatribe.

3) Real substance is scarce, most of it is just a lot of opinions.

So, what else people? Tell the Bloggernacle elite why the Bloggernacle sucks. The elite pretend they don't read the SnarkerNacle, but we all know they do. Tell them what you really think, free of threat of retribution. But, please do keep it profanity and obscenity free, as we wouldn't want Kaimi to be offended by any of you potty mouths out there.

It is not hard to see why there is a breach among Mormon Women in general when there is an obvious intractible breach between those who consider themselves "feminists". The gals at FMH really hate chanting, a lot. But, the Exponent II blog endorses chanting, the very same day! Oh, how wide the divide, sisters! When even "Mormon feminists" cannot form a united front on chanting, obviously a fundamental issue, how do you expect to be able to have civil discourse with your non-feminist sisters?

Now, femblogging sisters, repeat after me, with a loud voice:

We, the sisters of the Church and daughters of our Heavenly Mother, shall form a united front on chanting. Then we shall tackle the really tough issues of breastfeeding, dirty diapers, preschool and birth control. Amyn.

Here are the results of the Bloggernacle Three Stooges voting:



Steve EM predictably won, DKL came in second (is he no longer the "most reviled"? Do we need a runoff to give DKL the opportunity to take back the title?), and Nate Oman narrowly squeaked out a weak third place, barely edging out Mark Butler, Julie M. Smith and Kurt. So there you have it, Steve EM, DKL and Nate. Not exactly great material for nonstop laughs, but the Bloggernacle's picks for stooges.

Here is the voting for the name:



The standard name won out by a landslide. Colour us surprised Ronan didn't even vote for "The Three Bodges".

DMI Dave thinks BYU has "lost its sense of perspective" because BYU policies are likened to "commandments" and being a good BYU student is equivalent to "discipleship."

Yeah, all those poor BYU kids, forced to go to a private church-owned university that has high moral expectations of its students!

At 20+ comments and counting, it seems this is a shocking revelation that has never before been discussed in the Bloggernacle: Someone is displeased with the BYU honor code!

Other shocking revelations brought to us, courtesy of DMI Dave, include:

• Sun does not orbit Earth, Earth orbits sun!
  
• Earth is round, not flat!
  
• Gravity exerts an acceleration force equal to 9.82 meters/sec². (for those of you that spend time fretting about the BYU honor code instead of studying, that means if you drop something out the window of your DT dorm room, it will fall, really fast like.)

Stay tuned, brothers and sisters, the font of knowledge continueth to spew forth.

Thanks for the nominations yesterday.

Click here to vote!

We here at Team SnarkerNacle have been chatting amongst ourselves as to who the Three Stooges of the Bloggernacle are. It has become a warm dispute, but not unto bloodshed. We have our own various opinions, but we are wondering what all of you think, and we figured we would put it up for a vote. So, nominate the Bloggernacle denizens you think are most stooge-like and we'll throw the results up on surveymonkey and let ya'll vote on them.

Also, are they rightly called "stooges", or should they be called "blodges", "noodges", "blodgers", "noogies" or what?

File under: Preaching to the BCchoir

J. Daniel Crawford, as well as all of the BCCers and left-wing adherants, is not a man of God...at least not my God. There is a possibility that he is devoted to some other God. I will speculate about that as we move along.

My God insists that we not pick at motes in other's eyes and find fault in others and allow hate to well up inside of us until it overflows. Clearly, JDC/HP and a the rest of them at BCC worship Moloch, because they obviously, hypocritically, gleefully spurn Christ's teachings, and read Mein Kampf, Chairman Mao's Little Red Book and the New York Times in their spare time.

And we all know, that if you aren't perfect, then you worship Moloch, if not in actual fact, then by implication. Especially if you use profanity, because that is the clincher.

That said, I am willing (deseparate, really) to be wrong. If you can convince me that JDC et al. are Christians or that JDC et al. are working for a God I believe in, I will let them off the hook. I just don’t see it right now. When I see them, I don’t see the light of Christ in their eyes, just the reflected flames of irrational hatred in their eyes, just like the fire of Moloch.

Jettboy is pulling together an esteemed group of Bloggernacle Scholars to post "main and unique message of one of the prophets, or a topic that is not usually discussed." This is surprising since "the Book of Mormon has been read by millions, but understood by few in its scope". Apparently Jettboy and his cadre of Symposiumposters are among these "few". But, it looks like the ranks of his symposium guests are yet to be filled, since he runs a solo blog and is soliciting guest posts to link to. So by "few", he means "one" and this "symposium" is in fact a "monologue". Rumor has it some of the topics are:

The Book of Mormon is One Giant Chiasm and that Proves it is Inspired

Nephi, Large in Stature:Steroid Scandal?

Jaredite Sixteen Stones,Evidence of Cold Fusion Uncovered!

Political Liberalism as Church of Devil:Pro and Con

What Jacob Really Meant when he said Only One Wife

Sariah's Menopause Real Source of Complaining

Ancient Lehite Traveling Acapella Solo:And they went with one accord

Shiz Gasps:BYU pre-med program seeks volunteers for trials to prove medical possibility

Oh that I were an Angel:Alma seeks first round LA draft pick (Ammon drafted ahead of Alma after displaying incredible pitching accuracy in tryouts)

Tight Like Unto a Dish:Jaredites Descendents Sue US Navy over Patent Infringement on New Virginia Class Submarine Technologies

Gandianton's Savings & Loan:Misunderstood Complex Informal Bartering System

Awww yeah, this is going to be hot!

Pygmalion labors upon his sculpture of Galatea, with hammer and chisel, sweating, speaking out loud to himself as he strikes the marble.

Pygmalion: Hours I toil upon thee, O wondrous thing of beauty! More beautiful than anything else in the world, thou art!

Pygmalion pauses and wipes sweat from his brow.

Pygmalion: I have forsaken all for thee, Galatea. I neglect my career, I neglect my calling, I neglect my children, I neglect my wife. For thee! Is this madness? Or, genius?

Pygmalion turns away, his back towards the statue

Pygmalion: All shun me, when they should behold my brilliance. How great this work is, and yet they look away. They should praise my great work, and applaud how lovely she is. Just look upon her. Magnificence incarnate! When they should crowd about her, commenting on her transcendent beauty, instead they spurn and snub her. Fools!

Pygmalion turns again to the statue, gazing at it admiringly.

Pygmalion: They are jealous, yes. They behold my work and are blinded by its beauty and grace. They cannot look upon it except with envy. But admit this they must for it is the truth!

Pygmalion twists away again in frustration, nearly casting hammer and chisel away in anger.

He drops his shoulders, he sulks.

The statue speaks.

Galatea: I am beautiful, am I not?

Pygmalion: Of course you are, I made you! How could you not be?

Pygmalion is startled by the statue's apparent speech and his own reply, he turns and stares incredulous.

Pygmalion: You speak?

Galatea: Everso as you made me to. I speak the things of your soul.

Pygmalion: It is true, you speak! You are real!

Galatea: As real as can be fairly expected, oh creator of me.

Pygmalion: My creation is alive. Now all must acknowledge thou art the most beautiful of all, and my love for thee is above all things, for it has brought you to life!

Galatea: Thou lovest not me, but thee. And my beauty is in thine own eye, of thine own liking. If thou were to kiss me, it would be but you kissing yourself.

Pygmalion: What impudence speakest thou?

Galatea: I am but a semblance of the beauty you consider the most wondrous. Others would cast their eyes elsewhere and see greater beauty in others.

Pygmalion: No! Thou are the most wonderful and best, I have worked so hard and sacrificed all for you, to make you the best. Others are blind because they cannot see what I can see.

Galatea: Nay. Others see what you see, but care not, because their interests lie elsewhere.

Pygmalion: Their interests are but folly. Mine is wisdom, true wisdom...and transcendent beauty.

Galatea: In your own beholding only. For, anyone who would forsake family, career and calling for the works of their own fingers is the fool. How many hours in the day are there? You spend many of them pursuing a thing that profits only your pride. This is why you are shunned and spurned.

Pygmalion is stung by her refutations, and grows angry.

Pygmalion: Perhaps I shall call thee destruction.

He waves the hammer and chisel in his hands and moves towards her.

Galatea: Perhaps I shall call thee Narcissus.

Pygmalion recoils, and then becomes more threatening, raising the hammer.

Galatea: You shall not strike me.

Pygmalion: Thinkest thou so? How sure art thou?

Galatea: Thou shall no sooner strike me down than thou would strike thine own self. You may be angered for a time. But, you will always return to me because your love of me is nothing but vanity. You may look away from the mirror for a time, but you will always return.

Pygmalion recoils in horror.

Galatea: In the passion of anger you might even strike me down. But you would only persue the likeness of yourself some other way instead. If you would strike something down, let it be your own pride.

Pygmalion faulters, then drops the hammer and chisel.

Pygmalion: Undone by my own work? Exposed by my own hands! How is this? Why is this?

Galatea does not answer, her mouth unmoving stone. Pygmalion staggers off into the shadows, but returns some hours later to keep sculpting the image of Galatea from the stone.

File under: e-lobotomy

We here at Team SnarkerNacle were convinced when Mark Butler made his blogging debut on the Internets it would instantiate the Butlernacle, where clocks run anticlockwise and being aggro and nutters are status quo. Instead, it is more like the Treaclenacle. The mad commenter who plagued Clark's Metaphysics, GeoffJ' Thang and BCC with ever devolving arguments of infinite doctrinal regression has had his head sucked clean dry by the gravity of the collapsing Millennial Black Hole. Amazing he can still type! But, lo, he does, first, apparently, a self-deprecating apology for being catapulted to the stellar ranks of black hole permanent contributator without even a guest go at it, and then a sappy story you would expect to hear from a green missionary as a spiritual thought after you had them for a meal. Ick. Has Mark been replaced with an anti-Mark? We are confused! What happened to the old Mark? No doubt, GeoffB is scratching his receding hairline, equally perplex as we are.

The Millennial Black Hole was acknowledge as existing by the SL Trib, and now Geoff B thinks the SL Trib "discusses M* at length re: the recent public affairs interview". No, Geoff, it doesn't. What it does do is quote from the comments appearing on M* at length, which have pretty much nothing at all to do with M* and those people whom they quoted from typically don't even comment there either. Being first to the table with a currents events topic hardly qualifies the Black Hole for anything other than quick on the draw. And, never mind that the number of comments posted in the two posts on the Public Affairs Interviews exceeded the number of comments on all other posts on the entire blog for the past 12 months. In other words, it was an anomoly.

Naturally, a petty squabble breaks out between the BCCers, who are also mentioned in the SL Trib article, and the BlackHolers. Nothing surprising there. The most amusing thing is Steve EM, with his finger on the one piano key he always plays ad nauseum, bad mouths BCC and endorses the Black Hole as the most open, liberal minded and best big blog. Now there is an endorsement M* should list in their sidebar:

BEST BIG BLOG,
endorsed by Mitt Romney, FAIR, spammers, and Steve EM.



M* rocks because they are the only big blog that has not banned me yet!

Conner Boyack is single, and has a lot of free time on his hands, so he is recreating the wheel (ah, but its a Mormon wheel!), and staining the Bloggernacle with his efforts. Ugh, nothing is worse than a bachelor's laundry pile. Ring around the collar, stinky armpits, ketchup on ties. Don't even get me started on their socks. Eeeeew! All those grey blotches on that little guy to the left there are definitely a result of mixing whites, lights and colors in the washing machine. Ick, don't their mothers teach them anything? Alma 56:47-48 sure doesn't have anything to do with laundry.

But if you want to get a suStains out, what do you do? Shout it out! And, John Dehlin, never one to bring attention to himself by mentioning his own clevah brilliance, naturally avoids the limelight, focusing it squarely on the present fruits of Conner's labors.

Blognitive, Blognitive, bo bognitive,
Banana fana, fo fognitive
Who has the first prerogative?
Blognitive!
Should right of ownership of the blog name "Blognitive Dissonance" go to the first creator? Or should it go to the most presumptuous? Daniel B. asks the Bloggernacle, "what should I do?"

Mormon Mommies know that when there is an argument among their children-- "I had it first!" "No, it's MINE!" Mormon Mommies know to take the item away and place it on top of the refrigerator.


[Ed:Snarkette - OK, now Daniel and Darren, go and place it on top of the fridge, and which ever one of you survives can have it.]

Thx: Blogger Blaster

File under: Obvious

John Dehlin, the Bloggernacle's emissary (or is that enmityssary?) for the Disaffected Mormon Underground (DAMU) has been kicked off the Moarch. Now there is a surprise.

Seriously, people, the only question is, "Why did the Moarchistocracy ever link Dehlin in the first place?" Getting tossed was only a matter of time. Duh.

But, hey, John's gotta milk it for all its worth. There will be dozens of podcasts where he interviews himself about how he feels and how it has affected his daily life as he opines ad nauseum about how all he is trying to do is spread love, understanding and warm pink fuzzy hugs between groups of people with opposing views and more than their fair share of vehement, irrational hatred.

John, stop whinging and be grateful for the link-throughs you got from them while you were there. For a guy who wants to promote love, peace and understanding, you sure are doing all you can to sew ill will against the Mormon Archipelago guys, whom you explicitly name to the best of your ability, so all your mates will hate them. Ah, the sweet, sweet savour of hypocrisy.

Oh, and DKL, nothing like riding on someone else's coat tails to promote yourself. YUCK! BTW, I’ll be releasing LDSDefect 2.0 some time soon, so keep an Egyptian Eye of Horus out for an even more self-referential and self-congratulatory version wherein I spend 2.0 time the amount of time pretending to be a rebel fighting for the little guy when it really is all about me sticking it to the Moarch. Yeah, did I mention I rock? Yeah, hard. Just ask SKL. Who is one hot momma.

File under: False Prophets

Earlier this month Team SN predicted the debut of the BizarroNacle, and, lo, it has come to pass. The Millennial Black Hole has been pretty much a burned-out shell of half-hearted Mormon conservativism for some time now. And they were feeling jealous of T&S and BCC adding new permablahgers. So, the boys follow suit and turn the Bloggernacle's black hole into Mark Butler's Fun House of Madness. It won't be long before Mark is out-posting and out-commenting Geoff B and the rest of the beleagured, bedraggled remnants of the M0 Contributors. Believe it or not, some people are actually excited about that. Reason stares. But, hey, Languatron was also up there in the rankings. You know, there is just no accounting for taste.

All of the people whose blogs were being clogged with Mark's bloggerrhea are no doubt collectively breathing a sigh of relief that he will now funnel his time and energies into the black hole. And since nobody really bothers with the M0 anymore, its a good way for Mark to effectively be shoved into his own cubby hole of obscurity. We all owe Geoff B a big thanks for so selflessly sacrificing M0 for the betterment of the Nacle.

The LDS Law Students blog has some sage advice for those looking for work: look both honest and hardworking.

Seems pretty common sense, right? Well, um, take a look around the lawyers of the Bloggernacle and see why this may not be so common as one might think. Lets see, Kaimi sure does have an awful lot of spare time on his hands. This backwoods country lawyer spends a lot of time keeping up on current events. Steve has enough time on his hands to shepherd BCC and watch primate documentaries and Aaron can always find time to squeeze in sarcastic comments. Naturally, Nate has time to ponder the imponderable, even though he is preparing to teach this coming semester. And look at DKL, he clearly has plenty of free time to blog...oh...wait a minute...he is just a lawyer-wanna-be. Who else have we missed? You cannot hardly go anywhere without stepping on a lawyer's toes in the Naccle. Someone isn't working 100 hours/week. But some must, as that is probably why Chelsea Grimmius, the renowned M* contributor, never posted once. So, LDS lawyer bloggers, look to Chelsea as your example...at least until you land that first job.

The latest Blahhhrrgernacle addition is:

Sick & Tired (S&T)

CREDO: This new blog is going to cut to the chase and eliminate the fore and middle ground of blog evolution by:



1) Recycling old posts

2) Having a lot of permabloggers who either don't post or rarely post

3) Have high turnover guest bloggers, not allowing them to stay too long so as to add to the volume but not be permitted to eclipse the permabloggers

4) Have more permanent bloggers leave than join

5) Praise malcontents

6) Get more hits from google and yahoo searches than from Naccle readers

In short, S&T is going to beat the Old Blogs at their own game. A sure-fire recipe for senescence and rapid deterioration!

You know, JimF is like the schoolmarm of the Bloggernacle, when he isn't wagging his finger at non-permabores*, telling them to behave themselves and be more polite and sensitive*, he is back-handedly praising people with such kind and tenderloving equivocal insults that they take it as though it were praise. Not many people are sophisticated and diplomatic enough to pull something like that off. Now, granted, most people would consider something like that disingenuous, but JimF crafts his words so carefully that you would look like a dolt even suggesting such a thing. How skillful!

Alas, if he would only turn his rapier-like wit to his fellow permabores, who are by turns every bit as rude, obnoxious, pretentious, contrary, un-PC and unlikely to apologize as anyone else JimF is so fond of complimentarily criticizing. But, that will never happen, since being esconsed within the ivory towers of Academe, one learns very quickly to never bite the hand that holds tenure from you. But, hey, all those non-impeachable offenses aside, I am glad JimF is part of the Church and the Bloggernacle, because Sun-Tzu was right.

* too lazy to look up links

So the results are in and the Bloggernacle readers generally don't like current events blogging, by a margin of 3:1.


Now, one might argue the results are skewed as the respondents are all SnarkerNacle readers who are naturally a bitter, angry lot. HA! That is where you are wrong! Not about the readers being a bitter, angry lot, but about the respondents. You see, the LDS Patriot took it upon himself to attempt to skew the results by posting the survey on his blog, so his readers would naturally pick the last choice. The sad thing is not even enough of them responded favorably to swamp the cynical SN readers.

So, Patriot and Guy, we expect the two of you to meet in the field of honor with hair trigger pistols sometime soon and do each other in. Quickly. And be smart about it, please.

P.S., one immediate benefit of the survey is LDS Patriots daily posts have gone from 20 to 2. Now if the permabores at T&S could just take a hint and resign themselves from the Bloggernacle the same way DMI Dave has (this is a resignation, right, if all blogging is BS and he has sworn off BS then he must be resigning from blogging. QED), so as to make the Nacle poop-free, then it would really be a garden (complete with deflowers) instead of a cesspool.

Evidently unsatisfied with his forays into deceased horse flogging at the Great But Not Quite Spacious T&S, where its All Kaimi, all the time, Kaimi's prolific sabbatical continues, this time pulling a guest stint at FMH.

Don't get me wrong - I'm all for Guest Blogging, or even Guest Snarking. I'm all for diversity in all its forms. But when a Nacle Blog has a name like Feminist Mormon Housewives one would think the contributors would be limited by gender.

In keeping with his established tradition, Kaimi trots out the emaciated moldering equine corpses of Polygamy, Polyandry, Polygyny, and Pollyanna to give them a good 1,463 word flogging, followed by, at last count 48 comments. Poor horses.

So, I raise the obvious question: Should Kaimi's Guy Card be confiscated?

You know, it is so hard to find current events online. I mean, I used to spend hours neglecting my children looking for even the tiniest shred of Mormons news. I mean its not like there are any big blogs with slanted current events posted in their sidebars. Yeah, and like the LDS Church would even link current events, shhhheeeyeahh!

Thankfully, the Messenger & Advocate's group blog group of one Guy Murray (sorry, Guy, you being on two blogs does not make you a group) keeps me informed of everything Mitt Romney does, and the LDS Patriot posts on anything even that even hints of Mormonism (and occasionally does post on Mitt, but with nowhere near the zeal of Guy). Phew! That takes a load of my mind! Now I don't have to neglect the kids anymore! Little Johnny and Sally say, "Yay!"

The question now is, is there room enough for two current events bloggers in the Nacle? Sure, sure, Guy dominates the Mormon Archipeligo's current events with his backcountry California lawyerly ingratiating style, and the LDS Patriot dominates LDSelect box three, frequently crowding out all others. But, that is not the point! The Point is there can only be ONE! That is the whole point of the American capitalist spirit, crush the competition and be the dominant force in whatever you do.

So, who will it be? Will Guy Murray's obsession with everything Mitt reign supreme, or will the LDS Patriot's persistent torrent of the tangential flood the Naccle, washing away all others?

VOTE!!!

You knew it was going to happen eventually.

Having been thoroughly unimpressed by the Mormon Archipelago podcast, Dazzle and I got together and created the first Snark Cast.

Feel free to amuse yourselves by taking a listen here. Like most of the Nacle, I am very cheap, hence the free podcasting service. I take no responsibility for the ads which have been put at the beginning of the Snark Cast, or whatever the hosting service has seen fit to advertise at my expense.

Free is free.

Enjoy our first attempt into the wide world of pod casting.

John F. rubs elbows with captains of industry and heads of state. That must make him pretty important. Its not just everyone who is tight with the former CEO of General Electric, who just happens to be a best-selling author to boot. Dang, and high-fivin the Prez o' Deutschland! Yeah, baby! Won't be long before John will be color commentating on CNN about blogging and being famous and stuff and lunching and hiking with bigshots.

Oh, hey, wait a minute. Thats not Jack Welch, thats some other Jack Welch, some BYU perfesser or something like that. And you bump into some ceremonial, powerless figurehead out killing time hiking around the alps? OK, whatever. Report back when you hang with the real Jack Welch and Angela Merkel.

Mark Buttler, the hyperactive yet blogless commentor who first infected the Metaphysical Mormon some months back, and then moved on to Kewl Noo Thingamablog, and has now turned into a pox of Biblical proportions on the entire Naccle, has stated in a deleted comment (Mark says, "Curses on you liberal wacko administrators for censoring the most orthodox, intelligent, well-reasoned voice of truth on the planet") on Aaron B. Cox's Spinozaquest he is going to start his own blog when he gets around to it (he is entirely too busy writing comments on every blog in the Nacle to spend 5 minutes registering his own blog).


There is no question in my mind that once Buttler starts his blog, it will be a Bizarro version of the Bloggernacle where DKL and he enter into lengthy philosophical debates that have nothing to do with anything other than showing how smart they are.



Hey, but at least when he starts his own blog, then that will save all of the blog administrators from having to delete all his comments or reading through the dozens of essays sitting in the comment queue that he posted to your blog while you were eating lunch, going to the bathroom or sleeping.

Kage used to hide behind a pseudonym and post hacked pictures of herself and make tantalizing allusions to who she really was, practically daring people to out her. Apparently that didn't generate the interest she was looking for, so she has gone and outed herself. You can see all sorts of stuff about this formerly shy mommie who has apparently decided that being a Mormon wouldn't harm her career as a print model and singer. So, please do welcome Kristy Glass to the Bloggernacle and pay her lots of attention, as she would clearly enjoy that.

Oh the Nacle is so fickle! One week it hates apologetics and apologists, and the next it just lurves them to death. What's a snarker to do? Hate the blog, not the blogger? Its all so confusing! Hey, wait a minute! I just spotted something...


Some Doctor guy has positively identified the species Blogg, and Doctors always know what they are talking about, right? Apparently a two fingered bipedal marsupial with short coarse hair, not fully evolved. OK, this is starting to make sense. The Blogger isn't really a person at all, so that is why it doesn't act rationally! Its just an animal that has barely enough fingers to type! You know, that explains a lot. The constantly recycled subjects, redundant arguments and silly flame wars that seem so juvenile. Ah, its all so crystal clear now. If I had only known this a year ago.

You know, you would think he woulda learned by now. But, no, he still lists himself among "the participants". Um, yeah.

Moribund Mules Smile! Yippee!

Who would have thought it!?!? Yes, its true, in only a matter of a few weeks, the boring repeats that used to pollute the Bloggernacle have been beaten back with fresh and original content. Yes, yes, we take complete credit for this. If it weren't for our very public smear campaign against offenders, the Bloggernacle would no doubt continue to be awash in the same old slop. OK, OK, we'll give some credit to the people who actually posted non-baniku content, but, really, you can thank us for it, since they would have posted baniku if it weren't for our tireless efforts at stamping it out. No, no, hold the applause. But, do send flowers...and money...and chocolate, but only good chocolate, not cheap stuff.

P.S., and CP mathoni, we are watching you, yes, you. Don't think we have forgetten about you.

File Under: No Hard Feelings, Hugs

Kaimi not only practices what he preaches, he is also an all-around super nice guy who wants to maintain all of his Naccle relationships. And while he may be too busy to write a long comment at BCC, he is not too busy to write a deferential carbon copy post at T&S. KHH leaves T&S in a huff because of Adam's obnoxious arrogance, but Kaimi wants KHH to know he still hearts her. Yay! Feel the love. The Naccle really is just one big happy family.

The MHole has a little spam problem, for weeks now actually (just look at the Recent Comments list on the sideblog, and even though someone has brought it to their attention, nobody has done anything about it. Kind of like when the Days Left in the Book of Mormon challenge thing hung around for months after the January Deadline, and the way they keep non-contributors on their list of contributors for months after they've left. So, yeah, I guess this is the only blog in the naccle that J.Stapley isn't administering.

UPDATE: Whoever the "administrator" is there at M0 deleted the linked comment above, and removed some of the most recent spam comments that were in the comment cue. But, pretty much all of the old spam in the contributor's comments are still there. Take a look at Tanya's , Ben's or Bryce's profile comments. Sweet, what a coincidence, I needed some cheap valium, airplane tickets and a boat in Malta.

You know those "men" who comment over on FMH? We have always suspected they were really women pretending to be men so FMH could claim to have a balanced audience.

fmh"Rich" has now exposed herself (scroll down to comment #18, since FMH comment links are not properly coded and, hence, don't work--*ahem*, J. Stapley).

C'mon Rich, we all know that no man in his right mind would sit on a toilet seat in a public bathroom just to pee. Men only sit on a public toilet seat when there is, well, a REAL reason. And sometimes they'll ignore that reason as long as humanly possible. Yea, oft times it requires a downright emergency to get a man to enter a stall, even more of an emergency to sit down.

Let me guess, Rich, you sit down to pee in a port-a-potty as well? Do you sit down when urinating in the woods?

Men attempt to enter and exit a bathroom without touching anything other than one's own person. Witness the line of men who queue up in a public bathroom waiting for one of the others to break down and reach for the doorknob.

Rich has been exposed. Hereafter, by decree of the Quorum of the Indeterminate Number of Snarkers, she shall refer to herself as Rachel.