Remains of Sam found! Article suggests his demise was at hands of vengeful Laman and Lemuel. Daniel C. Petersen, BYU professor, FARMS apologist, Meridian Magazine author, and occasional Bloggernacle frequenter, said of the find, "This explains why nothing is heard about him after the family separates shortly after the death of Lehi. We know Jacob and Joseph are consecrated as priests, but nothing is said of Sam. Now we know why. I'm going to write a paper on this and put it on the FARMS website."

Regarding Petersen's statement, Ben Spackman reportedly said "Wow, so cool!". Kontentious Kurt allegedly kommented, "What a pretentious idiot!" Dastardly DKL was overheard saying "If he wasn't so mindlessly devoted to Nibley he would be able to see how ignorant he is of the basic tenets of logical discourse. And, I am still waiting for his explication of objective falsehood." Tanya Spackman, no relations to Ben, reportedly said "If those buttholes try to discuss it on M* I will gratuitously delete everything they post! Fetchin jerks. I so so wish I could ban them flippin hard."


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