Der Spiess und Magischer Hellmut

File under: Special requests

[Ed. - It isn't all that often that people approach us and ask to be snarked, but it does happen from time to time. Hellmut Lotz was put out that there was controversy about trolls here at the SN and he wasn't involved. We offered to rectify the situation by snarking him, and he accepted the offer. For those who may not know Hellmut, he is a German's German, an ardent secularist, writes on his own blog, and is a co-blogger on a tangentially related blog, occasionally comments on the Nacle and also frequents ex-mo boards. If you aren't familiar with ex-mo terminology you might want to refer to this.]

Welcome to the Bloggernacle Opera House unlive nonpodcast, brought to you today by our sponsor: Drakes Cakes, formulating and fabricating delicious Devil Dogs for you and your children to savour the flavour foravour. Like Moon Pies, but long and skinny, like a daschund.






Today's event features the Wagnerian uber German timeless classic:

WHAT'S OPERA, DAMU?

[Curtain raises, scenes of Elmer directing a storm.]- The Flying Dutchman
overture - general opera recitative-style music

(Elmer) Be very quiet I'm hunting morgbots - Ride of the Valkyries from The Valkyries:



(E) Morgbot tracks!!!
(E) Kill the morgbot, kill the morgbot, kill the morgbot

(E) Yo ho to oh! Yo ho to oh! Yo ho...

- Siegfried's Horn Call from the Ring Cycle:

(Bugs) O mighty warrior who clearly hates BYU
(B) Might I enquire to ask, eh, what's up DAMU??

(E) I'm going to kill the morgbot!! - Ride of the Valkyries
(B) Oh mighty warrior t'will be quite a task
(B) How will you do it, might I enquire to ask?? - Siegfried's Horn Call - General recit. music:
(E) I will do it with my spear and magic Hellmut!
(B) Your spear and magic Hellmut?
(E) Spear & magic Hellmut!
(B) Magic Hellmut?
(E) Magic Hellmut!
(B) Magic Hellmut
(E) Yes, magic Hellmut and I'll give you a sample

[Elmer gives a sample of his power] - Flying Dutchman overture

(B) Bye
(E) (that was the morgbot)

[Chase scene] - General chase music - Overture to Tannhauser:



[Bugs appears, dressed as PostMormon, riding on a white horse. Elmer is stupefied.]



(E) Oh PostMormon, you're so lovely
(B) Yes I know it, I can't help it
(E) Oh PostMormon, be my love



[Ballet scene] - Bachanal from Tannhauser - Tannhauser Overture:



(E) Return my love, my anger burns deep inside me
(B) Return my love, I fear you always beside me
(E) Ardor like ours must be
(B) Made for you and for me

(B&E) Return, won't you return my love, for my love is yours



[Winged helmet disguising Bugs falls off, Elmer realizes he has been duped, Bugs flees]

- Ride of the Valkyries:

(E) I'll kill the morgbot
(E) Arise polygamy
(E) Blacks and the Priesthood blow, Women and the Priesthood blow
(E) Patriarchy, Word of Wisdom, Gay Marriage...Mountain Meadow Massacre!
(E) Pseudo-intellectual rhetoric! Strike the morgbot!



- Tannhauser overture:

[Lightning strikes Bugs in the distance, Elmer approaches]

(E) What have I done?? I've killed the morgbot....
(E) Poor little zoobie, poor little morgbot...

[Elmer walks away carrying Bugs in his arms] -Tannhauser overture

(B) (well what did you expect in an opera, a temple wedding???)

[Curtain drops to overwhelming cyber-applause]




Snarkernacle Industries LTD would like to thank our special guest sponsors for footing the bill for this extravagant, action-filled operatic masterpiece:


Dark Helmet, for donating much-needed Schwartz to the DAMU

Kerberos, for providing security, keeping the morgbots intent on censoring the opera at bay during rehersals