File under: Self help

Feeling bad about your parenting skills? Take a tip from Julie M. Smith in Austin and self-righteously attack other parents with things you don't do and you will feel better about yourself immediately. Never mind that you pawn your own kids off on others and then neglect them when they have play dates at your house, instead lash out at other mothers who take their kids to ballet, soccer and preschool then weakly apologize for their misunderstanding you and stomp off in a huff while insulting the person you just offended.

So, um, Julie, if you are against Preschool and outside activities and you are busy doing housework and "writing books" (self-published ponderous lists of unanswered questions) and you keep your kids out of your hair with chores and video games, then who is teaching your little ones the alphabet, numbers and good social skills? In other words, the stuff they would learn in preschool, if you sent them there, but don't because you would rather spend the money on "food storage or college funds or...consumer debt"...or new GameBoy games to keep the kids motivated to do chores (or is that the "consumer debt" you were referring to?).

Meet Julie's Babysitter (low hourly rates).


Kristine said... @ May 18, 2006 at 8:41 AM

Julie's diplomacy skills could maybe be sharpened, as could the reading comprehension skills of some who read her comments at fMh, but I think you probably shouldn't question how well-educated her kids are. Her six-year-old makes puns in Latin and reads circles around most 14-year-olds. My kids went to nifty preschools and they're pretty bright, but Julie's little guys would totally kick their (adorable!) butts at College Bowl any day.

Good satirists know where to stop.

Snarkimus Prime said... @ May 18, 2006 at 9:29 AM

Could maybe be sharpened? They might be able to throw out puns in Latin, but something tells me they don't play well with others. Call it a hunch.

Heather O. said... @ May 18, 2006 at 10:15 AM
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Frank McIntyre said... @ May 18, 2006 at 10:33 AM

Making fun of people's kids now, snarky? Don't you think that's a little beneath you?

Snarkimus Prime said... @ May 18, 2006 at 10:49 AM

Wow, Frank is actually posting as himself, and not as my second biggest fan.

I am making fun of Julie, she is the one who finds it impossible to get along with anyone who doesn't agree with her. Kind of like a lot of the other T&S permadingbats. If her kids get it from anywhere, its from her. Got it? I couldn't care less if her kids speak Latin, or tongues for that matter, or whether they misbehave or not.

She lashes out at other people's parenting styles by mercilessly attacking things that are of little or no consequence, while championing things that are similarly of no consequence and does it with monstrous self-righteous zeal. Why don't you call your fellow permawench to repentance for being such a rude sow who swills her slop on other people's blogs?

Frank McIntyre said... @ May 18, 2006 at 11:06 AM

I think you can figure out the problem with commenting negatively about people's children.

And hey, for a fella so worried about being anonymous, you sure work hard to attribute (incorrectly) identities to anonymous comments. Kant disapproves!

In any case, I've never posted as any of the "fan" people. Nor do I know who has.

Snarkimus Prime said... @ May 18, 2006 at 11:26 AM

Frank, since you are obviously a complete dimwit, I am not commenting negatively on her children. I am commenting negatively on her attacking other people's parenting styles, when her own is just as suspect on the same grounds she criticizes others on. I also comment negatively on her parenting, and the probably negative impact that has on her kids. Wow, Frank, I realize you are an economist and all, but these words are easy to understand:I don't care about her kids.

You are either super stupid, or just trying to accuse me of something to fault me. Or, both.

Since you have posted here on SN before using fake names, I seem to also recall you threatening to call the FBI on us too, please do forgive me for considering you suspect of doing it again, denials notwithstanding. Unlike you losers at T&S, I don't use IP addresses to track people, so I am forced to guess. And, knowing how much you love us, I knew you were a big fan, but not as big as Kaimi.

cantinflas said... @ May 18, 2006 at 11:26 AM

"Why don't you call your fellow permawench to repentance for being such a rude sow who swills her slop on other people's blogs?"

That's it for me. It's been fun. Seeya 'round snarkette. Maybe someone could post at another blog when the reveal is made who the snarker was (or did I already miss that?)

Snarkimus Prime said... @ May 18, 2006 at 11:42 AM

cantinflas, since you have added so much to things here, we sure will miss you.

Colin Raye said... @ May 18, 2006 at 11:49 AM

"She said, 'You don't know it boy, but you just blew it'...

Snarkimus Prime said... @ May 18, 2006 at 12:05 PM

See cantinflas, Collin Raye just showed up to sing to you and you missed it.

Frank McIntyre said... @ May 18, 2006 at 12:24 PM

When did I try to hide my identity with a fake name? I honestly don't know what you are talking about (cuz' ahm stoopid.)

Er... the FBI thing was a joke. I'm sorry if you were too smart to figure that out. In fact, I never said that to the snarker, I said it to an "anonymous" person. Have you been posting as "anonymous" on your own blog, eh, snarky? That's a little... weird.

And no, you are not "forced to guess" the identity of anonymous commenters. If you believe in the importance of anonymous snarking (I don't, by the way, but you apparently do), then you could just leave the comments alone without incorrectly or correctly identifying them. Of course, since you aren't very good at it I guess it is no great challenge to anonymity. :)

Snarky's other biggest fan said... @ May 18, 2006 at 1:42 PM

Snarky, I would be nice to Frank if I were you.

He blew the lid off the whole Banner of Heaven, thing, and I'm pretty sure he's more than a one trick pony.

So, pucker up, boy. Start kissing some serious butt.

Snarkimus Prime said... @ May 18, 2006 at 2:13 PM

Frank, you are stupid. Thats why you are stomping around here like some big shot, when you are just full of crap. I assumed it was you that was posting multiply in that thread, what am I supposed to think of a tard who threatens to call the FBI? Forgive me for not remembering your inane comments accurately, they were pretty forgetable, and not something I am going to go back and check.

Snarky's Other Biggest Fan, Snarkette kisses no butts, ever. Its pretty obvious what you permabores think you have, based on Nates and Kaimi's earlier comments on the last post. It has taken you this long to realize that you can comb through your own logs to see who has been grabbing your own pics. Dumb. Very dumb. But, what can you expect from a bunch of people who cannot even secure their own blogsite when its being hacked? Not much.

You got nothing. So the butt you can kiss is mine. All you have is the person who does the photoshops for SN, and that is it. And everyone with fuctioning grey matter has know that person has been involved with us from day one anyway and has publicly accused him of the same repeatedly. So, if you are threatening to blow the lid off that, you are going to open that lid and release nothing more than a fart. Wow, welcome to reality, Captain Obvious.

Come on you T&Stards, drop your bomb, and see that it ends up a dud. He kicks the crap out of all of you T&S morons regularly on your own site, so where is the surprise in that? Wow. Let 'er rip, cheeseballs. He doesn't care.

The Snarkette tells you to kiss off.

Anonymous said... @ May 18, 2006 at 2:25 PM

"I love Snarky, he hates me.
He hates people, yessirree.
He loves himself, and so you see, we are a snarky family."

"When we're snarking, we're happy, and we sing as we go, for he needs some attention, and we all love him so.

Tra la la la la la la la, tra la la la la la. Tra la la la la la la, tra la la la la la."

3dwewq34rd3rd3 said... @ May 18, 2006 at 2:27 PM


john scherer said... @ May 18, 2006 at 2:55 PM

Wow....Very Contentious

Anonymous said... @ May 18, 2006 at 3:04 PM

Hee, hee, this is so much fun!

Anonymous said... @ May 18, 2006 at 3:09 PM

Sister Snarkette:

I have no desire to kiss you, I interact with all women at arm's length.

With this comment, this post has generated as many comments as Kaimi's, Nate's, and Frank's lasts posts COMBINED.

Not bad for a blue dwarf. Keep up the good work!

Anonymous said... @ May 18, 2006 at 3:22 PM

Sister Snarkette,

I would love to kiss you, but I only interact with women at arm's length.

Frank, Kaimi, and Nate are just jealous because this post has generated more comments than all three of their last posts combined.
Kepp up the good work, Snarkette!

Crystal said... @ May 18, 2006 at 3:55 PM

Nothing garners comments as much as contention.

Unless it's a witch hunt...

Aspiring Playwright said... @ May 18, 2006 at 4:11 PM

What a show! This just gets better and better. I just can't wait to see the whole thing implode:

TEAM SNARKER #1: Do you think they know who we are?

TEAM SNARKER #2: Impossible! Let's just STONEWALL, ATTACK, and DENY, DENY, DENY!

But that was Bill Clinton's policy, it will prove we are liberal democrats!

TEAM SNARKER #2: No, it isn't, it's Bush's policy on Iraq, you dingbat! It'll throw them off the track, make them think we are blue blood Republicans, like every good Mormon should be.

TEAM SNARKER #1: But if the Bloggernacle thinks we are Republicans AND followers of Christ, it will seriously damage our traffic. And then Kaimi's supersecret plot to destroy us will have suceeded!

TEAM SNARKER #2: Hmm, good point. We'll have to rely on our fallback position--complaining about how much Kaimi likes bewbies. Maybe some questions about sex? Works for the other Bloggernacle grrls.

TEAM SNARKER #1: Sex? NO! Then they will definitely know we are Clintonites--TMI!

TEAM SNARKER #2: Ok, I got it. Let's just be really bitchy. Then we can just blame it on Snarkette's time of the month. Every body knows Smurfs get really bad cramps. And then people will stop saying that Sister Snarkette is really a cross-dresser.

TEAM SNARKER #1: I like it!

All you need now are some well placed comments from Languatron, and the circus will be complete.

Languatron said... @ May 18, 2006 at 5:02 PM


Anonymous said... @ May 18, 2006 at 5:03 PM

I am Seth R., and I do not endorse this snark.

I'm sure you're all shaking now!

Seth R.

Kurt said... @ May 18, 2006 at 5:26 PM

Hi everybody,

Just to save Snarkette from the inevitable nonsense of this rediculous escapade, I am outing myself. Since the jerks at T&S plan on doing it anyway, I am going to pull the rug out from under them and give them the finger in the process.

Yup, what pretty much everyone at BCC already knows and several others have already speculated (big nod to Chrisian Cardall, the only one with the guts to actually lay it all out intelligently) publicly at is true, well sort of. I am one of the members of team Snarkernacle. I did most of the awful photoshops, but not all of them. The good ones were done by someone else. I contibuted content, but not all of it. Not by a long shot. Good luck trying to figure out who the other 7 members of the team are, as I dont even know who they all are myself.

As for you jerks at T&S, you cannot blame the fact that your blog sucks on me. Trying to scapegoat me as the Snarker is bullcrap. Your blog sucks and that has nothing to do with me. Attacking me personally doesnt make your blog not suck. There are a lot of people who think your blog is a truckload of crap, and guess what, I am not the only one. And if you want to sit there and believe I am the solo source behind Snarkernacle, go ahead and believe in your delusions as we keep slamming you whenever you deserve it.

Team Snarkernacle is a team, just as they have always said they were. Long live the team! I will continue to feed them and do their awful photoshops as long as they ask for them.

Nate, Kaimi, Frank, and the anonymous fan: I give you the NYer salute. It took you dolts months to figure out what the rest of the bloggernakkle figured out right off the bat. Nice work. As usual. See you on T&S.

Anonymous said... @ May 18, 2006 at 5:31 PM

Um, I actually do dig the snarker. Frankly, someone needs to take the mickey out of the bloggernacle's nonsense. Yes, I'm leaving this anonymously.

We all make dumb asses (as in donkeys who can't speak--HEE HAW) out of ourselves now and then. It just happens to occur more requently than usual in the bloggernacle. (It's a side effect of all the pride puffing and posturing)

If people got their ego out of the way before they wrote, and for the gospel's sake tried a little harder to live the greatest commandment on which hang all the law and the prophets, maybe even tried on a little chairty just for kicks, poor Snarkette would be out of business.

Alas, as long as self-righteousness, pride, and contention drive things around here, I say "Snark on, fictional little blue sister. Snark on!"

Anonymous said... @ May 18, 2006 at 5:33 PM

with the addition of Kurt's admission, make that
"fictional blue sister and friends"

Snarky's Biggest Fan said... @ May 18, 2006 at 5:37 PM

Kurt, all I can say is that you have displayed the kind of courage and pluck in the face of relentless oppression that is a symbol of the greatness of this blog. I think that you are SOOOOO right about T&S. I am just appalled that they have the audacity to blog in the face of your powerful statement of principle and all of the reasons that you have given for what you do. I know that despite what the world says you can always know in your heart of hearts that you have done the right thing.

Also, I just think that you are way, way, way funny.

Anonymous said... @ May 18, 2006 at 6:57 PM

"Kurt, all I can say is that you have displayed the kind of courage and pluck in the face of relentless oppression that is a symbol of the greatness of this blog. I think that you are SOOOOO right..."

Shut up, Kaimi. You're not funny.

Anonymous said... @ May 18, 2006 at 7:16 PM

Hot damn. This is about the meanest, lowest thing I have ever read.

Of course, that's to be expected from a cartoon character, I guess.

Elisabeth said... @ May 18, 2006 at 8:20 PM

I don't agree with the negative personal attacks Team SN sees fit to make at times, but - despite his best efforts to persuade you all otherwise - Kurt is a good guy (can't vouch for the rest of Team SN, however).

Kurt said... @ May 18, 2006 at 8:23 PM


Saying T&S sucks isnt brave, its just stating the obvious. Forgive me. I do appreciate the compliments though. Coming from you, it really means a lot to me.

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