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Richard Dutcher chose to make a special guest appearance on a flattering BCC post to, naturally, talk about himself, at length. As blogging tends to encourate narcissism, this is completely understandable. Steve Evans is no doubt begging Richard at this very moment to do a KulturSpew director interview. But, aside from that, Dutcher's comment offers some interesting and penatrating insights into Mormondom:

1) Mormons love to hunt and kill ex-mos, character assasination is de rigeur, but, even so, Richard loves Mormons, cherishes his memories of Mormons and generally wants to hug and kiss the people who want to cast him as the spawn of satan that he is (can't let him down now, can I?),

2) He, Richard, knows more, a lot more, about Mormon History (especially when it comes to apostates who leave with "justifiable cause", because they, like he, are complex men with complex lives that are not easily discerned by simpletons like us) than you do, you silly, pathetic Sunday School student who buys what CES sells, hook, line and sinker,

3) He, Richard, is really not a bad guy at all (he isn't gay, smoking meth [are you sure about that? because I could have sworn I saw a picture of you on here last week], and isn't cheating on his wife, although he does fantasize about Jennifer Aniston and Angeline Jolie and his equally beautiful wife and himself... errr... um... playing a rousing game of cribbage together, which is just a little joke on his part, so apparently his biggest sin is not being even remotely funny or clever when it comes to self-depricating jokes), but is really quite the epicurean who could educate you on fine, exotic dark beers and fine, exotic dark teas, if you weren't such a moronic sap who fails to love Joseph Smith and Gordon B. Hinkley and the LDS Church in the manner in which he does, which manner allows him to have respect and good feelings for them but ignore what they teach and advocate, particularly when it comes to things that are fine and exotic,

4) He, Richard, is so spiritually enlightened he can quote Buddha and draw on Eastern Religion to make lame analogies to religious life and spiritual journeys being crossing rivers and getting out of the boat onto dry land and then no longer needing the boat. Well, Richard, how about this analogy:you just crossed the river of filthy water and are hot-footing it on over to the tall and spacious building and cannot carry your boat because you got a six of fine dark Irish beer in one hand and a kettle of fine dark tea in the other,

5) He, Richard, is not leaving the Church because the LDS Community thinks his movies are crap, because they aren't crap, they are critically acclaimed, and even though they didn't really make him a lot of money and the Church didn't ask him to make that new Jospeh Smith film and he wasn't even asked to be part of the Work and the Glory movies, not even as a guest executive associate producer, that really, Really, REALLY isn't why he is leaving the Church, because that isn't it, and he will not talk about it any more, unless you join him in a bar and have a few beers with him, which means you are enlightened (i.e., ex-mo) and therefore capable of really understanding his point of view.
So, there you have it. Richard has let us all into his mind for awhile, and I have to tell you, having never seen any of his movies, I still plan on never seeing any of his movies. For which, I am sure Richard would not share a fine, dark Irish beer with me. But, I, being the monstrous Mormon mercenary Angel of Death I am, will share a fine, dark Irish shillelagh with him!!!! YAAARRGH!!! FOR JOSEPH, BRIGHAM, AND GORDON B!!!!

5 comments

Anonymous said... @ April 19, 2007 at 12:31 PM

In later comments on that same thread Richard says part of the, if not the main, reason he is leaving the Church is because of the pressure he feels being such a public figure living in Utah and there being assumptions about him as a result of that.

And to combat that he goes to the other extreme and goes innactive, which will mean he is now a public figure living in Utah and there are a bunch of different assumptions about him as a result of that.

Novel idea: move out of Utah. Go someplace without any significant Mormon population and then nobody will know who you are and nobody will care about whether you drink beer or tea or swear or cheat on your wife or not.

Anonymous said... @ April 19, 2007 at 12:32 PM

Bravo! Your blog is about the only thing that makes the Bloggernacle bearable.

Anonymous said... @ April 19, 2007 at 9:49 PM

Sometimes you're funny. Mostly your just jerky. Seriously, are these personal attacks against someone whose work you don't even know really justified?

Snarkimus Prime said... @ April 20, 2007 at 4:30 AM

Yes, they are justified. Why? Because if Richard Dutcher comes onto the Bloggernacle and sits there and complains about what a bunch of ignorant dolts Mormons are, and how clever and cosmopolitain he is, and how he can no longer keep company with Mormons because they make him feel all uncomfortable with his fame after he goes and stars in his own movies about Mormons, and, oh, by the way, he has to come out and defend himself from all of the character assasination he will now surely be subjecting himself to from these dolt Mormons, whom he loves and respects, then yes, he is insulting the Mormons whom he owes his fame to in an oh-so-endearingly passive aggressive way.

You make Mormon films and Mormons buy tickets to see your films and you star in your Mormon films, and then complain that Mormons recognize you for being in your own Mormon films, because it makes you uncomfortable living in Utah? That is absurd, and totally snarkworthy.

P.S., I didn't make fun of his work, I made fun of his BCC comment. Thanks for reading.

Ben said... @ April 23, 2007 at 4:06 PM

The problem with your parting comment is that Joseph Smith (who served beer out of his Nauvoo House) and Brigham Young (who owned and operated his own still in SLC) would probably have been very happy to have a beer with Richard to discuss his concerns. And I'd wager a guess that JS and BY would lament with Richard about the current state of the LDS church and the people, and their fall from the Restored doctrines of the early prophets to a modern "me too" version of Protestantism minus the after-church brunch with coffee at Denny's.

Those who attend conference in "great and spacious buildings" and listen to "prophets" who don't prohecy, shouldn't throw stones.

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