Most Bloggernacle bloggers consider the DAMU (see definition 5) to be the bane of their existence (except for FMH, since half their readership is DAMU), since those pesky ex-mo's love to troll. Well, now a prominent Bloggernacle Blogger (at least he considers himself to be prominent) is playing both sides of the court, but he is doing so anonymously. Sure, he isn't self-identifying, but it isn't hard to come up with a short list, very short actually, if you take the time to hunt for clues.

Here is what can be gathered from his posted comments:

Married with children
Exceptionally profane
Long time Bloggernacle blogger, drops all the Big Blog names, refers to Nate Oman by first name only
Probably a lawyer (how many non-lawyers use the word "dispositive"?)
Privy to internal workings of a Nacle group blog that gets targeted by DAMU
Very sensitive to currently popular feminist issues
Why is this Bloggernacle Blogger hiding? He answers that question himself here:
On the other hand, it's also clear that more orthodox Mormons would not consider me one of them; and that, if they knew my particular belief configuration, they might try to expel me from the community, in one of their community-policing actions. Which would limit my ability to participate in the cafeteria. You can't order a la carte when you go to the Soup Nazi's restaurant.
Sure, sure, blame your anonymity on the Nazi Orthodoxy.

We think we know who it is, what do you all think? What additional evidence can we gather about "Cafeteria Mormon"? We think he just isn't getting enough attention inside the Bloggernacle anymore, so he is trying to cash in on his cred there to get attention from the DAMU/Ex-mo crowd. Why do you think he is doing this?

FYI: When "Cafeteria Mormon" first signed up with FLAK, his user name was "Blogger of Nacle" and his profile picture was a LOLCats pic that said "Banning yo DAMU ass from the Nacle!" or something like that. He changed the pic and user name because some of the FLAK crowd was taking him to task for his seemingly pro-Naccle stance. But, there are a lot of comments still around referring to him as "BoN" or "BoNer" because of his old "Blogger of Naccle" user name.


Anonymous said... @ December 30, 2007 at 9:37 PM

Maybe it's a joint project between Steve Evans, DKL, Brian Gibson and Christian Cardall.

Anonymous said... @ December 30, 2007 at 10:36 PM

Torches... you need torches.

Where are the bloggernacle Danites when you need them?

Perhaps we can prevail upon Connor to take that role upon himself.

Sister Mary Lisa said... @ December 30, 2007 at 10:38 PM

I think I'm sensing a bit of "BoNer" envy...

Hellmut said... @ December 30, 2007 at 11:05 PM

I sure hope that the Lord will place a mark on the fence sitter and his posterity.

It seems to me that Cafeteria Mormon is trying to reform us, especially with respect to our biases about the 'nacle. He has actually been quite effective.

Anonymous said... @ December 31, 2007 at 2:16 AM

I don't know, Snarky, you definitely have a suspicious fixation with certain 'naclers. You might want to talk see someone about that. Sister Mary Lisa might have diagnosed it quite readily...

Also, the DAMU and the 'nacle have so very much in common, as you know since you read it so closely (perhaps we should do a Snarker Loves the DAMU post?). And one of those things is, of course, that you can't swing a virtual dead cat without smacking a quorum (if you will) of lawyers. A male, married mormon guy with kids who happens to be a lawyer too? Lord, I could name 10 off the top of my head.

We all love a good lawyer joke -- but decrying them as witches? A bit OTT even for you, Snark.

Nobody expects the Mormon Inquistion!

Anonymous said... @ December 31, 2007 at 2:28 AM

Most Bloggernacle bloggers consider the DAMU to be the bane of their existence (except for FMH, since half their readership is DAMU)...

You do realise that this actually speaks well of FMH, right...? I wouldn't like to worry that your snark might be getting ahead of your intellect.

Snarkimus Prime said... @ December 31, 2007 at 8:27 AM

Wow, the DAMU comes out in force to defend their beloved BoNer. Congratualtions, Cafeteria Mormon, you have won a following among the embittered malcontents.

Sister Mary Lisa said... @ December 31, 2007 at 9:02 AM

I think the fact that Cafeteria Mormon has won a following at all is what riles you, Snarkimus.

Why do you actually care what BoNer/CafeMo does? It does seem funny to note that you are so obviously familiar with the DAMU enough to find all the linked quotes and goings-on of BoNer/CafeMo. You follow him like a fan who is sad he's being ignored.

Anonymous said... @ December 31, 2007 at 9:25 AM

Does he talk about bewbies over at the DAMU?

Snarkimus Prime said... @ December 31, 2007 at 9:35 AM

non-Sister Mary Lisa,

You have no idea how jealous I am that Kafeteria Mormon has won friends in the DAMU. I mean, it would be so hard to type in profanity and find fault with my fellow Mormons so as to ingratiate myself with you all.

A fan who is sad? Yes, terribly so. I am so eager to be a boot licking T&S sycophant who tells each and every permabore there how clever, intellectual and inspired they are.

Maybe if I was just a bit more like you, defending him mindlessly with pointless personal attacks, then I could be ushered into his fan club, where I do desire to be President.

Anonymous said... @ December 31, 2007 at 9:40 AM

It's actually straight-up funny that you're accusing people of "pointless personal attacks." Isn't that your whole raison d'etre?

Snarkimus Prime said... @ December 31, 2007 at 9:43 AM


If you had any point in being here, beyond defending Cafeteria Mormon, you would see that all of the snarks we post are very pointed. But, since you have no other agenda than to defend your own from the light of day, then you have no interest in being informed in your opinions.

Anonymous said... @ December 31, 2007 at 9:50 AM

Dude, I've been reading your "pointed snarks" for years. I'm well-informed.

Snarkimus Prime said... @ December 31, 2007 at 10:10 AM

If you are a seasoned "well-informed" long-time reader, then how can you sit there and compare phallic references and irrelevant personal attacks from axe-grinding DAMU malcontents with what we do? There is no comparison, snark-hater. We provide targeted negative feedback for specific actions and behaviors that are detrimental to the Bloggernacle community. Unlike you.

Anonymous said... @ December 31, 2007 at 10:20 AM

Yes, I'm a textbook anti-snark. Snarkers everywhere feel reassured and cosy when they see how Not Like Me they are.

"Targeted negative feedback"? That is comedy gold, man. Unfortunately, I think you've got it confused with taking sad little swipes at people.

And is that the royal 'we' you're using?

Snarkimus Prime said... @ December 31, 2007 at 10:43 AM

Royal we? Since you are a long-time "well-informed" reader who has been reading for "years", you know this is a group blog, and posts/tips/leads by the Prime Snarker are frequently submitted by others. Which happens to be the case for this very post. Someone brought it to my attention. You seriously think I read cesspools like FMH and FLAK? For someone "well-informed" you really are not all that up on your subject.

Sad little swipes? Sure, which explains why you are such a loyal reader, because we wallow in cheap insubstantive personal attacks that have little or no bearing on reality. That, or you are once again uninformed.

Anonymous said... @ December 31, 2007 at 10:50 AM

Well, I know you *say* there are others, and that you're merely the clearinghouse for all those hot tipsters out there...

I said I'd been reading your "snark" for years, not your blog.

Very glad to hear you're unsullied by your sisters in the cesspool at FMH. Girls are icky, huh?

Hellmut said... @ December 31, 2007 at 10:58 AM

Come on, Snarky. Don't take yourself so seriously.

Sister Mary Lisa's remark was a low blow, so low that it was obviously an exaggeration.

Suffering from teutonic humor impairment myself, I cherish the rare opportunities when I get to explain jokes to my American friends.

Sister Mary Lisa said... @ December 31, 2007 at 11:08 AM

Let's talk about "clever, intellectual, and inspired" your blog here is. If I were a non-member discovering this blog for the first time, I'd have a really skewed vision from it about how Mormons are. It's pretty jugdemental and cutting and hardly what I'd call a good example of what Mormons should be.

But of course this is not my business, and you are Free To Choose and use your agency for good or non-good as you see fit on your own blog. Whatever makes you happy you should pursue.

Anonymous said... @ December 31, 2007 at 11:19 AM


Snark said "beloved BoNer."


Snarkimus Prime said... @ December 31, 2007 at 12:40 PM


You are a troll. Congratulations.


You are attempting to defend the indefensible. Gallant, perhaps, but stupid.

non-Sister Mary Lisa,

You have an opinion of how Mormons ought to be? Now that is comedy gold. We all ought to follow your great example of charity and loving kindness. If I were an ex-mo discovering FLAK for the first time, I would certainly be put off by the behavior there and your behavior here, but don't let that deter you from your silly accusations.

Sister Mary Lisa said... @ December 31, 2007 at 1:27 PM

I love you, Mr. Snarky, one human to another. I hope you find the happiness you seek.

My silliness knows no bounds, this is true. I try to bring out the silly in many situations I encounter, makes for some fun times. If my accusations are silly, so be it. I simply like to tell it like I see it.

Besides, if I made Hellmut laugh even once, I feel I have done really well. I'm as happy as a little girl in spring! (Hi, Hellmut!)

desert_vulture said... @ December 31, 2007 at 2:08 PM

Okay, okay. I admit. It was me. I was just trying to come up with some way to transition from the DAMU to the bloggernacle. You actually will never figure out my name, even from my IP address. Happy hunting...

canadiancynic said... @ December 31, 2007 at 3:50 PM

Snarky has fweeelings. Is serious satire blog, doing serious satire things, serious things that you don't understand DAMU meanies!. Don't say Snarky not serious blog!

DV said... @ December 31, 2007 at 5:27 PM

Honestly Kurt, ever since you were outed a year or so ago on BCC, you have had to deal with the fallout yourself. So I would really appreciate it if you would just leave me alone. I mean that. I have tried for the past six or seven months to integrate myself more into the bloggernacle, and it has worked with some success. Now when I attempt to bring unity, love, and understanding to both groups, you vilify me for it. If you want me to go further in outing you, I will. But what I would really like is for you to follow the words of the Prophet Joseph F. Smith, "I beseech God my Heavenly Father to have mercy upon them; for those who do it not knowing what they are doing are only misguided, and those who are doing it with their eyes open certainly need, most of all, the mercy, compassion and pity of God. May God pity them. May He have mercy upon them. I would not harm a hair of their head, for all I am worth in the world. I would not throw a block in their way to prosperity. No, and I beseech my brethren that they keep hands off the enemies of our people and those who are paving their own road to destruction and will not repent, who are sinning with their eyes open, who know that they are transgressing the laws of God and villifying and lying against the servants of the Lord. Have mercy upon them. Do not touch them; for that is just what they would like. Let them alone. Let them go. Give them the liberty of speech they want. Let them tell their own story, and write their own doom. We can afford it. They do not hurt us, and if it affords them any amusement, I am sure they are welcome to it." (Sunday Session, October 8, 1905, General Conference, Salt Lake City, Utah)

The Prophet said to leave me alone, and let me go. It sounds like pretty good advice to follow.

Anonymous said... @ December 31, 2007 at 6:23 PM

Leave poor DV alone, Kurtis. He's already taking enough flak from that tough DAMU crowd. The regulars there keep arguing with the poor guy. I doubt he'll last long.

Anonymous said... @ December 31, 2007 at 6:24 PM

Happy New Year, everybody!

Snarkimus Prime said... @ December 31, 2007 at 6:53 PM

Wow, this is the biggest collection of stupid and insane comments I have seen in a long time. Objective evidence the DAMU genuinely is worse than the Bloggernacle.

un-Sister Mary Lisa,

I realize you think you are clever, having been seeded by obvious snark-haters, but the comment you are replying to, the one you quoted in italics, isn't Snarkimus Prime, it is desert_vulture. What you are is borderline, and petty. And congratulations on busting Kurt, since his participation in SN has been common knowledge for a long time you have precisely zero skillz.


Kurt outed himself, and it wasn't on BCC, it was on SN because he was leaving footprints at T&S swiping their pics and doing awful photoshops on them. Some miscreants threatened Kurt, saying that is he didn't start kissing T&S butt that they would out him. He pre-empted their threats by outing himself. If you know anything of Kurt, you know he cares not one whit for the "fallout" or anything like it. Kurt is still an active participant here at SN, but if you think he is the only one here, you are an idiot. As for you being "desert_vulture" and BoN and Cafeteria Mormon all one in the same, that is laughable. You are just trying to provide cover to who really is doing it.

Sister Mary Lisa said... @ December 31, 2007 at 7:33 PM

Snarkimus Prime ~

You wrote, "but the comment you are replying to, the one you quoted in italics, isn't Snarkimus Prime"...

I never said Kurt was Snarkimus Prime. I was quoting and talking TO DV. So I now have to wonder exactly why you think I was talking about Snarkimus.


desert_vulture said... @ December 31, 2007 at 7:44 PM


Mary Lisa is your sister. It says so right there in the book of Araham. Just like Lucifer and Jesus are broth-- er, nevermind.

Now stop checking out your sister's rack, you perv.

Bloggernacle insiders -- people like you and Steve Evans -- are far too quick to dismiss we poor DAMU apostates. It's really none of your business whether I partake in the nacle as well as the DAMU portions of the cafeteria. So why don't you stop the hating, and start on the working out your own salvation with fear and trembling, bro. Does this post bring you closer to Jesus? I thought not.

Snarkimus Prime said... @ December 31, 2007 at 7:51 PM

non-sister Mary Lisa,

Oh, yeah, right, like now you are going to say you think dv was Kurt. You are so full of it. You cannot even keep your story straight.


You are as nutty as Mary Lisa. And if anyone is full of hate, well, you and your DAMU pals are the leading examples.

Snarkimus Prime said... @ December 31, 2007 at 7:55 PM

I'm shutting comments down to the DAMY trolls will celebrate New Years instead of spam the blog.

Have a happy one, BoNer Kafeteria Mormon, your new DAMU pals rallied around you in a fashion the Bloggernacle wouldn't. So, maybe you have found yourself a new family, eh? Piss and vinegar is thicker than blood in the DAMU. But, they will continue to attack your faith and will wear you down until you are one of them. Enjoy!

Post a Comment