FMH has been embroiled in a controversy over... sexism? ... racism? ... child abuse? ... wife beating? ... Poop? ... No, none of these. What then? Nursery. Um, yes, Nursery. You know, that two hour block of time the pre-Primary toddlers go into once a week on Sunday, so their parents can hopefully participate in other church-related activities. The battle over Waldorf-style Nurseries was caustic, with Artemis being variously attacked and defended for wanting things a particular way in Nursery. It got so bad she followed up with another blog post defending herself, going to great lengths to show how normal and pedestrian she is, not at all a Al Gore-hugging, elitist Europhile. This racks up a combined total of 300+ comments.

Gordon Bitner Hinckley commemorative post: ~30 comments.

Order of magnitude difference there.

FMH, where Primary Pinecones beat out Prophets Passing 10:1

Heck, this chick beats DKL any day of the week.

G is sick and tired of men objectifying women's reproductive organs, so she is fantasizing about decapitating and dismembering men in retaliation. Fair is fair, right? I am going to hazard a guess and say the man in her drawing is the father of the sleeping baby girl, who is obviously drugged in her little papoose, as Mom is sweating from the exertion of killing her baby-daddy, which high-impact activity would certainly wake up any normal child.

That, or the Artist's Block has backed things up so bad it is affecting G's thinking such that she thinks Amazons reproduce asexually and breaking into a sweat while dismembering guys doesn't require the kind of physical activity that would wake up a child. Who knows? Creative constipation has clearly taken its toll. Time for some corrective action:



Try that, G, and you can post about it tomorrow as another installment in the FMH Poop Chronicles, which are always a welcomed sight for the classy chicks at FMH, who just cannot get enough of boobie throw pillows and wang and cooter cheese cakes. Then maybe you can stop obsessing about your reproductive organs and make some real art. Purge the poo and use that as fertilizer for your Asherah worship (‘get my grove on’).

Sure, ladies, it is sad and wrong that men objectify your doo dads, but how is what you are doing any different? It isn't. G's post is just as sad and wrong as what she decries. How will anyone ever take FMH seriously when posts like this impeach its credibility?

Yo newbie, whattap! Listen up, greenie, let me tell you how it is in the hood:

Get a blog name from some obscure Early LDS Church periodical, the more obscure the better. All of the obvious, well known ones are taken already, so you may have to do a little searching. Don't worry that your blog has nothing to do at all with the old namesake, none of the current ones do either.

Link all the other Mormon blogs and Nacle Index sights. If you want love, you gotta give it. Free love is bad in the real world, but in the Bloggernacle it rules.

Beat the dead horse. Whatever is getting a lot of play in the other blogs, you blog about that too. Then comment in those threads and link back to your blog.

State the Obvious. Say the same thing, just in a slightly different and new way, to keep it fresh. There is nothing new under the sun, but if you can put it in the context of current events and throw in some clever turn of phrase, you win.

Suck up to get ahead. Praise the brilliance of bloggers you want to ally with and parrot them and add in some of your own tidbits to support their position. Bloggers are narcissists, use that to promote your blog. Admit it, you are a narcissist too The more you suck up the more likely you will asked to be a guest blogger.

Neglect everything else. The more you neglect really important things in your life to blog, the more successful you will be. Really, there is no substantial difference between fame and infamy in the Bloggernacle, so abandon husband, wife, kids, work and self in your quest for Bighood.

Quality is irrelevant. Post anything, it doesn't matter. Really. As long as you can somehow relate it to something Mormon, go ahead. It has all been done already, so nobody will complain. No, really, I am not kidding. Good is nice and may get you some readers, but shocking pandering gets attention.

Don't mess with facist admins, they will ban you faster than you can say "September Seven." If you disagree with Steve Evans at BCC or say T&S sucks on T&S, expect to be banned. Whining about it afterwards is sour grapes, doing it will only make you look like you deserved it. Narcissists hate being criticized, don't do it. Yes, they are wrong, it doesn't matter, they don't want to hear it.

The Bloggernacle is not your ward. It is a bunch of weirdos who happen to be Mormons, and they have too much time on their hands and either cannot or do not want to go outside and play. They want to obsess about things that don't matter. Don't expect to be treated respectfully as a stranger or new visitor, this isn't going to church, it is more like Middle School all over again.

If you don't know what you are talking about, shut up or get whacked. An opinionated ignoramus in the Bloggernacle is like chum in shark-infested waters. Lay low until you earn some credibility and get a feel for the people, don't impeach your credibility by talking smack right off the bat. It doesn't matter how smart you think you are, there are smarter people around who are skilled at shredding people like you just for laughs. If you think Mormons are nice and polite, you are in the wrong place, because most places they are, but here is not most places.

Welcome, foddery n00bs!

The Harangue turned 3 years old this week (so it isn't New anymore, and how Cool it ever was is subject to debate). Happy berfday to them.

As their regular readers know, the focus of the posts there has always been trying to look beyond the mark when it comes to Mormon doctrine, theology, and scriptures. They have spent a lot of time trying to speculate wildly about the atonement of Jesus Christ, free will/agency, foreknowledge, personal revelation, eternal progression, and all sorts of other difficult theological and philosophical subjects they really know very little about. Along the way there has been a lot of contention and disagreement. Why? Because:

GeoffJ hates knuckleheaded comments.

In the middle of them speculating wildly on the atonement of Jesus Christ some numbskull (i.e., anyone who doesn't agree with GeoffJ) will come along and tell them to stop wasting their time. Not surprising, quite frankly, given some of the ridiculous things they discuss. Like Multiple Mortal Probations and wacky Atonement theory that ignores what the rest of Christendom figured out nearly 2000 years ago. No, I’m not kidding. These types of comments irritate GeoffJ to no end, because they don't dwell on how greatly enriched by these discussions he is and how he feels more knowledgeable about the things of God.

Since GeoffJ is irritated as he blogs uncharitably, I will guess about a potential reason for that kind of comment: A severe inability to live the restored gospel. Yup — worldly people are afraid that pulling back the curtain and looking hard in the mirror will reveal that they are living a sham or something (to put it in Wizard of Oz terms). Being willing to look closely at yourself takes faith that the restored gospel holds up when applied to your life and my guess is that some people are deathly afraid that looking closely at their own lives will reveal awful results.

Wah!

Speculating wildly is nonsense. Studying the scriptures closely in order to know how we should act and what we should do is a good thing. The restored gospel can easily tell someone how they live their life. The scriptures certainly are not against us studying the gospel so we will know how to act:

Whatever principle of intelligence we attain unto in this life, it will rise with us in the resurrection. And if a person gains more knowledge and intelligence in this life through his diligence and obedience than another, he will have so much the advantage in the world to come. (D&C 130: 18-19)

As this Scripture states, the knowledge and intelligence is gained through diligence and obedience, just as Jesus taught, "If any man will do his will, he shall know of the doctrine" meaning if we do the Father's will then we will be filled with His doctrine. Nothing there about being ardently dedicated to speculating wildly in ignorance, just talking about living right and learning as a result of it.

The glory of God is intelligence, or, in other words, light and truth. (D&C 93: 36)

Yes, and taking it in context with D&C 93, when people exercise their agency to reject evil and do good, then they are filled with light and truth, which the adversary takes away because of disobedience. So, what do we need to do to be filled with light and truth? Speculate? No. Obedience? Yes.

It is impossible for a man to be saved in ignorance. (D&C 131: 6)

Here, Joseph makes it plain that choosing to ignore the ordinances of God will damn you, as he states:

There are a great many wise men and women too in our midst who are too wise to be taught; therefore they must die in their ignorance, and in the resurrection they will find their mistake. Many seal up the door of heaven by saying, So far God may reveal and I will believe.
All men who become heirs of God and joint heirs with Jesus Christ will have to receive the fullness of the ordinances of his kingdom; and those who will not receive all the ordinances will come short of the fullness of that glory, if they do not lose the whole (TPJS, Pg. 509)

So, the ignorance Smith is talking about is not that of esoteric bits of soteriological knowledge, but the willful ignoring of the call to repent and be baptized by an authorized servant of God. So, once again, the Scriptures do not support what GeoffJ is saying.

But, look, people can live the Gospel all they want. We are all free to choose. But there at the Harangue they are all about trying to understand what they consider to be important, and not actually living the gospel. Those who don’t like that are free to step off. (Of course GeoffJ mean that in that in the nicest possible way, which is to say, "If you aren't a rampant speculator who likes looking beyond the mark and ignoring the obvious, then don't comment there, but please still do read the blog, because he watches the stats very closely, just don't comment, because he doesn't care what you think, unless you agree with him.")

Oh and a Happy New Year to all speculators! The rest of you, who focus on living the Gospel and point out speculating is largely a waste of time, can step off. We get enough of that at Church already!

[Associated Radio Thang song: Noisepie — Hey Mr. Bighead]