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A stake of the LDS Church in Arizona has recently apostatized and changed its affiliation to the Church of Monday Night Football (have to use the Google cache because the membership of the COMNF has been in arrears in their tithes for some time now). The COMNF will be holding their annual General Conference this Sunday, broadcast nationwide, and the newly converted Arizona stake will be in attendance.

Prayer to be heard in this Sunday's Worship Service, which worship service will be using alcohol-based drinks, unlike the LDS church which uses water. Owing to this abrupt shift, the assumption is there will copious consumption followed shortly thereafter by equally copious vomiting on the parts of the new converts, a traditional rite of passage observed by millions of devout COMNF worshipers nationwide.

Attendance among High Priests, Elders, and Young Men of the newly converted Arizona Stake is anticipated to be at astonishingly high levels, with percentages exceeding those observed while the stake was affiliated with the LDS Church. The predictions are because of the highly effective reactivation program employed by the COMNF Relief Society, pictured below, who's motto is "Silicon never Faileth".



President Gordon B. Hinckley, leader of the LDS Church, was quoted as saying, "We lovingly encourage members of this Arizona stake to forsake the world and turn back to the Church that offers them the sure path to salvation." It is predicted by numerous sociological experts that most of the new COMNF converts will return to the LDS Church the following Sunday, fully in denial, and be subjected to several meetings where the subject will be "Keeping the Sabbath Day Holy" so as to bring about a state of repentance.

5 comments

Geoff J said... @ February 2, 2006 at 10:18 AM

hehe...

Well as long as we make it back to the fold in the end it'll be ok, right?

Snarkimus Prime said... @ February 2, 2006 at 12:19 PM

Just keep telling yourself that, GeoffJ.

Steve EM said... @ February 2, 2006 at 4:24 PM

I'm still waiting for the video of those two Texas cheerleaders who caused a line in the ladies room.

Snarkimus Prime said... @ February 2, 2006 at 8:40 PM

Steve EM, I just so happen to have a DVD of that event. I'll send you a copy if I can send one to your Bishop and Stake President and include a letter that I sent it to you at your request and have cc'd them.

Steve EM said... @ February 3, 2006 at 9:28 AM

Snarkey,

Yes, you are the man! Please rush. No problem with the Bishop and SP. We're all lesbians.

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