Her kitchen has been infested by itty bitty mice who have made confetti out of her linens and spreading feces on her china. I'm not sure, but I believe this might qualify as the smallest entry (by weight) in the never ending FMH Poop Chronicles.
Janet has tried to be humane in her attempt to rid her kitchen of her furry four footed guests. Her humanity and compassion are to be praised, but thus far have been ineffective. Her husband (of Porter Rockwell lineage) has taken increasingly drastic measures including "evil snap traps". Janet has even gone so far as to purchase Dcom in an effort to melt the little critters' nervous system.
Well, if I may be so bold, I'd like to add my suggestions to her list of rodent countermeasures to try. I have but two:
The M-84 Stun Grenade
Guaranteed to disable and disorient anything or anyone in the room. Also effective on annoying neighbors and packs of roving stray dogs. Comes in packages of three. Make sure to turn the gas off before throwing the device into the kitchen. Marketed as a non-lethal device, something sure to appeal to Janet's "marshmallow waffley liberal commie pinko" sensibilities.
The Desert Eagle 50
Sure to appeal to the Porter Rockwell half of the household. The downside is, identifying the remains of the little beasties might be difficult as the .50 cal round is almost bigger than the beastie itself. Another downside to this option is the possible separated shoulder resulting from the recoil.
Good luck defending your castle, Janet. These beasts are ferocious! And they have really sharp teeth!