We take pleasure in answering thus prominently the communication below, expressing at the same time our great gratification that its faithful author is numbered among the friends of The SnarkerNacle:

Dear Editor—

I am 58 years old. I and some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus. Papa says, “If you see it in The SnarkerNacle, it’s so.” Please tell me the truth, there is no Santa Claus, is there?

Marjorie Conder

Marjorie, you and your little friends are wrong. You all have been affected by the cynicism of a cynical age. Yes, Marjorie, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as Coca-Cola and Currier & Ives and The Saturday Evening Post exist, and you obviously know they exist since you consume their products regularly. Alas! How dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus! It would be as dreary as if there were no Marjories. There would be no candy canes then, no reindeer, no stockings or presents to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, unless you consider austerity and ascetism pleasurable. The external light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished by the dull boredom of rational adulthood.

Not believe in Saint Nicholas! You might as well not believe in the Bloggernacle. You tear apart the baby’s rattle and see what makes the noise inside, and in doing so take delight in being so pragmatic. But, trying to tear things apart to make everything "real" is counterproductive, and only leaves you with something broken in your hands, something a child will not enjoy. You see, children are not adults. If you seek to do away with things that are not real, then you must dispose of poetry, love, romance, and anything with even the slightest bit of subjectivity in it that even hints of supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, Marjorie, in all this world what is real and abiding?

No Santa Claus! He lives and lives forever. A thousand years from now, Marjorie, nay 10 times 10,000 years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood. You know why? Because kids are kids, and if adults are smart they will teach kids the difference between Jesus and the tradition of Santa Claus. Vainly trying to do away with Santa will not make Jesus any more real to children.

Apologies to Francis P. Church.

Update: Marjorie is apparently irritated she got snarked, and responds on T&S with a semi-coherent rant about Santa being a secular materialist anti-christ, or something.