We would like to thank you for returning to our Stuff department. We are ever so grateful you were wise enough to leave your Red Headed Terrorists at home this time. As you probably noticed, we have enough trouble keeping our aisles passable without them climbing to the top of the shelves and tossing down pallets of dishwashing soap as they scream with glee unintelligible phrases having something to do with bubbles.
We understand your frustration in being unable to find whatever elusive toy you came to our Stuff Mart in search of. We’d apologize for your having been misled by one of our employees, but honestly, Tracy, what do you expect from some guy named Jinger at five o’clock in the bloody morning?
As for your foray into our “girls” section, we simply cannot be held responsible for your reaction to the skanky clothing produced by our third-world sweatshops. Our goal here is shareholder value, not skin coverage. Besides, you obviously missed the carefully placed sign above the “girls” department. We feel the warning “Abandon Hope, All Ye Who Enter Here” is pretty self explanatory. Abby didn’t need those tights anyway - Ruffles are so last year. As a side note, glitter is the new black – haven’t you heard?
Again, thank you for visiting your neighborhood Voldemart Stuff department – sans the Red Headed Terrorists. Our maintenance department sends along their heartfelt thanks as well. And, despite your protestations to the contrary, we know you’ll be back.
Till then, we remain the humble recipients of your family’s hard earned lucre,
[12/18/2007 09:17:00 AM | 4 comments ]