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Vince McMahon: Wow, I have seen a lot of amazing fights in my life, but nothing like that. I mean, whoa, that was scary. I am going to need therapy.

Bloggernacle Snarker: Yeah, I'll say, that was incredible. Even sends shivers down my spine, and its not like I have to worry about that kind of thing.

VM: Snarker, why don't you recap for the audience what just transpired?

S: OK, Vince, I will try, but I don't think I can do it justice.



OK fight fans, after the opening act, Mike Tyson vs. Randy "Macho Man" Savage was over with, the crowd settled in for the Main Event, the Final BloggerNacle Deathmatch.

First, Adam Greenwood came into the ring and starting warming up with some martial arts exercises and stretches. The crowd was hushed, because it was obvious Greenwood had been doing some intensive training since the last bout. Greenwood then announced he should be referred to as "Zorg". The crowd whispered the name questioningly. A menacing and scary name to be sure.

Then the introductory music "Eye of the Tiger" blared over the loudspeakers and TMILisa came out of the dressing rooms and jogged up to the ring in a lovely satin pale pastel pink robe and matching leotard and boots. TMILisa vaulted over all three ropes and the crowd went wild! An entire section of seats was full of nothing but Lisa's and they all chanted "LISA, LISA, LISA..." She waved to the crowd, smiled, and then sat criss-cross-applesauce in the center of the ring, with her head bowed and hands perpendicular palms together. The crowd went silent, and even Zorg was distracted by the unusual site, stopping his calisthenics.

The referee started entering the ring, and when he did, TMILisa sprung to her feet, and did three double back flips into her conrer, silently and seemingly effortlessly landing with her butt perfectly placed on the stool, hands palm down on knees. Everone was stunned.

Realizing what he was up against, Zorg did a series of leg sweeps followed by a front roll and back flip into his corner. It was mostly for his own confidence though, and the crowd was still glued to TMILisa.

The Ref centered the ring and called the opponents up, and both walked up directly. The crowd watched with anticipation as the Ref announced the rules, and dismissed them to their corners. Both walked back to the corners and waited for the bell to ring.

When the bell rang, both walked deliberately to the center of the ring, faced off and bowed, hands at sides. Zorg announced "You have offended my family, and you have offended a Republican temple." TMILisa stated "To repress one's feelings only makes them stronger." Zorg was stunned by the implication, and stepped back, assuming combat stance, and TMILisa remained motionless.

Tension filled the ring, and the audience. Sweat beaded up on Zorg's brow. It was clear he had to make the first move, and so he attacked! He shrieked and lunged forward, but TMILisa raised both hands, palms facing Zorg, and pushed forward in the air as though pushing Zorg, and he flew backwards into the ropes, bouncing off and flopping on his face!

The crowd was stunned. Zorg was stunned. I was stunned. I mean, I usually only see stuff like that in cartoons!

Zorg got up, but was clearly off his game. He assumed an attack pose again, and charged. TMILisa ran towards him and jumped high into air, doing a spinning double kick as she flipped backwards, hitting Zorg in the face twice, once with each foot. He fell over onto his back, and she landed on the other side of him with her back to him.

She then jumped up and landed on the ropes, balancing, ran around the ring to face Zorg and stopped, standing on the ropes. Zorg again pulled himself to his feet, stumbling somewhat.

Then quick as lightning, TMILisa flew off the ropes, ran past Zorg, and then jumped back up the ropes again, on the other side, both of them backs to each other.

Zorg, stumbled, leaned forward, clutched at himself, and then fell face forward on the mat. He lift his head one last time and mumbled "No, no, not that..." and his face fell, never to rise again.

The crowd was silent, eyes fixed on TMILisa. She slowly raised her right hand, fist clenched in victory, and said "For all oppressed women everywhere, but most especially for all Mormon women oppressed by their right-wing Republican pseudo-orthodox husbands who exercise unrighteous dominion over them! MONKEY STEALS THE PEACH!!!"

The crowd errupted into crazed cheering, they went absolutely wild. Popcorn and soda flew into the air. Women spilled out of the seats into the aisles and rushed the ring, they jumped in and lifted TMILisa up, cheering and shouting.

However, looking back over the audience, a large number were sitting stunned, mostly men. They looked ashen white, almost deathly pale. As TMILisa was carried out of the stadium by the cheering crowd of women and their shouts faded, you could hear a low groaning, a sort of pathetic bass moaning from the men left stunned in their seats.

I have to tell you Vince, I was shocked myself. I mean, I was anesthetised when I was neutered, not like this.

11 comments

Kristen J said... @ December 19, 2005 at 8:33 AM

That was amazing! I felt like I was there.

Oh how I wish I had some pink satin boots just like fmhLisas!

Snarkimus Prime said... @ December 19, 2005 at 8:48 AM

Kristen, come on, you WERE there. You were one of the women carrying TMILisa out of MSG and then rioting in the streets of lower Manhattan. I saw you, don't deny it.

Artemis said... @ December 19, 2005 at 11:24 AM

Hey, where exactly is the post where Lisa takes all? I've not been able to keep up with the bloggernaccle the last couple of weeks, but as an avowed LisaFan, I must see the Tivo version.

Snarkimus Prime said... @ December 19, 2005 at 12:00 PM

The direct link is:

http://snarkernackle.blogspot.com/2005/12/bloggernacle-deathmatch-final-round.html

Artemis said... @ December 19, 2005 at 12:32 PM

Oh. Thanks. Why did I think these were based on other bloggernaccle scuffles, reported here in Technicolor Detail?

Anonymous said... @ December 19, 2005 at 1:56 PM

It was an honor to be defeated. I mean, that outfit -Yow!

It makes me want my peaches back.

--Zorg the Defeated, Blog Dean, formerly styled Adam Greenwood

fMhLisa said... @ December 19, 2005 at 5:04 PM

Zorg,
I will gladly return these peaches to their rightful owner in exchange for . . . brawhahahaha ha

. . . deep breath . . .

a guest post at fMh. An interview with your mother would be excellent I think. We provide the questions (you would retain veto power of course)

That would do nicely indeed.
Negotiations are open.

Snarkimus Prime said... @ December 19, 2005 at 5:33 PM

Awwww, doesn't it just warm your heart to see them make nice?

Hat tips to both of you for being so gracious, one in defeat and one in victory. I grant you both immunity from being snarked for the rest of the year.

Ann said... @ December 19, 2005 at 9:44 PM

Snarker, being snarked is an honor. I know it's been the highlight of my blogging career. Pathetic, I know.

Don't give them a pass. It's very important that you remain an unbiased and independent voice, willing to snark all who merit snarking.

Stephen said... @ December 19, 2005 at 10:07 PM

Not to mention, explosively posting. I no sooner comment that you have slowed down a bit and you've broken all records for new and dramatic posts in a 24 hour period.

Chad Too said... @ December 20, 2005 at 2:40 PM

I have tears in my eyes from laughing so hard! Thank you, Snark!

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