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The Bloggernacle Snarker is pleased to announce a lurvly new feature here at the Bloggernacle Snarker! We are opening up an advice column for all Naclers, ask whatever you will, Nacle-related or not. And, we, the denizens of snarkerdom, will give you wise, even sage, advice to deal with what ails ya. So, just send in your questions to snarkernacle@yahoo.ca and you will get some of the best advice you ever paid for.

12 comments

Anonymous said... @ January 9, 2006 at 10:14 AM

Let me be first,

I am so frosted Aunt Snarky, all tne boys and girls in the naccle demand some level of self disclosure before they let you say anything. If you give away the slightest little tidbit they tie you up with it an blackmail you. I would like to give my real name but it is so unique that all my business contacts who googled me would be driven to the 'naccle where they would get such a jaundiced view of the church that I couldn't possibly do that.

Please help. How can I play with these kids and not be extoreted or blackmailed?

Locked-out

Anonymous said... @ January 9, 2006 at 10:55 AM

Dear Aunt Snarky,

I write on a 2 person blog. My fellow perma-blogger gets all the glory and I'm sick of it!

No one really seems to care or want to make comments on my the posts where I ramble on about my little kids. Everyone just wants to comment on controversial stuff!

Should I start making up controversial stuff in my posts just for comments and glory?

Yours truly,
Bitter Thang

Snarkimus Prime said... @ January 9, 2006 at 11:03 AM

Locked-out,

First off, let me tell you, you are well on your way to becoming "IN" with all the typos, since all the Nacle bigguns are flagrant missspellerz. So take that as consolation.

You know, hun, most bloggers in the Nacle are just spammers anyway, and those who aren't work for Direct Mailers. So, you really don't want them to know who you actually are, otherwise you will get truckloads of Victoria Secrets and Lillian Vernon catalogs day in and day out, not to mention ooodles of stock tip and viagra spam in your mailbox. I suspect OurThoughts.ca is actually run by the Russian Mafia, so be warned against giving them any credit card info.

On the other hand, if you really do want to ingratiate yourself on the Nacle and become an accepted persona, then just adopt a real sounding name (or a reasonable permutation of your own, but with significant spelling changes) and make up a paralleled yahoo.com or gmail.com account using that real sounding name, and then go onto T&S and start kissing some butts, especially Adam's and Nate's. Then, after establishing your T&S cred, then wander out onto the other Nacle blogs and do your thing!

Shine brightly little flower, and soon you will be the best flower in the bouquet!

Aunt Snarky

Snarkimus Prime said... @ January 9, 2006 at 11:14 AM

Bitter Thang,

You know, hun, its true. There are a lot of attention-starved bloggers out in the Nacle, and they know perfectly well that shooting off their mouths with some flagrantly political wild-eyed bullcrap is the way to get it.

Here are some surefire tips you can do to increase traffic to your site (as recommended by Martha Stewart):
1) Put up some pictures of your family in homemade halloween costumes, and have your husband and son reenact the Monkey Steals the Peach, that is always a great traffic generator. I mean, all you have to do is say "Monkey Steals the Peach" and people spontantously break into laughter.
2) Post about Scriptural superheroes. Everyone loves a hero.
3) Have you blog demoted on the Mormon Archipelago and then rant about it endlessly on other blogs.
4) Invite people over your house for snacks and karaoke, especially some of those funny joke masters over at T&S, they are the life of the party, and believe me, I know all about parties. Nothing like meeting people in real life to generate blog traffic.

Don't be bitter, honey. Just slice up a lemon and chew on the wedges, that will sweeten you right up! And give your hubby a real nice zing when he gets home from work!

Aunt Snarky

a random John said... @ January 9, 2006 at 11:53 AM

Aunt Snarky,

I was recently identified as "a random John" in the parking lot of Days (or is it Day's?) Market in Provo by the mother-in-law of several bloggernacle regulars. I had never met this person before, and this happened about 20 seconds into the conversation. What can I do to better protect my secret identity from lurkers that I might meet on the street?

Keryn said... @ January 9, 2006 at 1:20 PM

Oooh, oooh, can I try to answer a random John?

Wear a mask.

Snarkimus Prime said... @ January 9, 2006 at 1:33 PM

a random john,

I was going to suggest funny nose and glasses. Maybe a hat would help. Or, how about this, don't talk to strangers! Didn't your mother teach you? Also, why in the world are you telling people you blog?

Aunt Snarky

a random John said... @ January 9, 2006 at 1:41 PM

I should probably fill in some detail. It wasn't me that brought up blogging, it was my wife, who mentioned to the lurker in question that she keeps up on the family by reading blogs.

That said, the fake nose would probably go well with my glasses...

Anonymous said... @ January 9, 2006 at 8:47 PM

Dear Aunt Snarky,

It's so difficult to meet the demands of my adoring public day in and day out.

They want interesting posts everyday, and somedays, all I can come up with are posts about stupid boys and boring family home evenings.

What can I do to write as well as you?

Boringly,

A Someday Book Writer

Anonymous said... @ January 9, 2006 at 10:18 PM

Dear Aunt Snarky,

I'm being stalked by a guy named something like Kurt or Kirk. I can't remember his last name though. I think it starts with an N.

Anyhow, it seems everywhere I go, he's cutting me down. Trying to make me look like something I'm not.

Please help.

Snarkimus Prime said... @ January 10, 2006 at 5:41 AM

Someday Book Writer,

The demands of blogging are harsh and unrelenting, no doubt about it. But, more than anything, it isn't what you write, but how you write it. You can talk all day long about stupid boys and boring family home evenings, you just need to spice things up! I mean, come on, just how stupid are these boys? Ellaborate, even embellish upon their stupidity. Take some creative license, make jokes at their expense. And boring singles ward FHE? Hun, just tear it to shreds and tell your esteemed readers what they really want to hear! What you would do if you ruled the singles ward, and why! Be adventurous, life is only boring on the surface, its as exciting as you imagination makes it. Throw in some hallucinogenics too, that might help.

Be perky, starch your underwear, and always wear a big smile!

Aunt Snarky

Snarkimus Prime said... @ January 10, 2006 at 5:46 AM

Please help,

My experience is most people asking for help about alleged stalkers are actually stalkers themselves, and they are just looking for tips to avoid prosecution and incarceration. So, my advice to you is to stop faking it, stop stalking the object of your vain obsessions, get a job, and stop watching so much Oprah.

Take responsability for your own actions, and, remember, always apologize publicly for making a fool of yourself in public.

Aunt Snarky

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