Pre-All Saints Eve Guest Post, by the spirit of Aaron B. Cox

Infinite conversational recursion of the sort where semantical obfuscation requires becoming the sole participant among a multitude of sycophants (less those are banned, deleted or require editing into conformity), who praise and emulate a further bloggerly host, and so on going both backward and forward an infinite number of bloggerations is the standard model of Latter-day Saint blogging cosmology, as initiated by Times and Seasons, but perfected by my own New Order Millennial Star.

Fortunately for me, since I am transcendentally brilliant, this model has many difficulties worthy of my considerations (since I am the only one capable of explicating such complexities of Platonic Mormonism, which Joseph Smith clearly espoused but which fact is obscure to all who fail to be inspired as I), difficulties that may be solved by transition between the sophisticated philosophies of learned men such as I and the subtle revelations of the Holy Spirit revealed to me, and back again. The oaks of Bashan and the cedars of Lebanon (which are the bloggers of the Naccle) shall be humbled and shall submit to a goodly cedar, even the New Order Millennial Star. For the LORD alone shall be exalted in that day, and anything He has to say to you will be through me.

Behold, I teach you the truth, the doctrine of INCORPORATION (a doctrine formerly known as the Atonement, which is wrong). If you are stupid, and question me, then I will delete your comments, because they are wrong, and I am right, because I am inspired, and you are not, as evidenced by your very comments. If you have no argument and no revelation, then I am unpersuaded, and therefore correct. QED.

Mark Butler is without question showing himself forth as one of the most accomplished and brilliant narcissists on the Bloggernacle. In only a couple of months he has effectively hijacked Millennial Star and turned it into his own bully pulpit of egomania, spreading forth all sorts of wacky doctrine ex cathedra, deleting all comments he doesn't like and editing the heck out of the ones that fail to praise his maniacal brilliance. It is only a matter of time before Mark starts banning anyone who dares question him, and why shouldn't he? That is what any good narcissist would do, and Mark is good.

What Bloggernacle newbie couldn't learn a few things from this master of craftsmanship? Geoff B has got to be cursing the day he invited him to join, having lost grip of M*'s reins as Mark wrenched them from his hands. And Clark Goble is presumably cursing his fate having at the very least tacitly approving his addition, and perhaps even endorsing it, given Mark's prior activity of Clark's philosophy page. Oh, cruel twists of fate!

Now, I know what you all are thinking, Mark Butler isn't real. He just can't be. Yes, on this anniversary of the demise of the Banner of Heaven, people suspect Mark Butler in fact the incarnation of none other than Aaron B. Cox come back to harangue us all with his prophetic wisdom. Could it be? Is Mark Butler the Aaron B. Cox doppleganger? If so, it would be a birthday present of such epic systems proportions no software engineer could possibly imagine, anyone who pulled such a hoax would have to have all human knowledge available at their fingertips, a veritable repository to store all knowledge in one model, which takes advantage of cURL too. Is this butlerm's xmission? To stage a man in the middle dot net attack?

Over at T&S, Jonathan Green suggests that the Church might learn a few lessons from the international marketing efforts of big corporations like Wal-Mart and McDonalds.

Indeed! And the Church has listened:

Learning from Wal-Mart's mistakes, to attract price-conscious German converts, the church will implement predatory pricing on tithing and other offerings.

Taking a cue from McDonalds, the Church will now use this new, revised logo on all German church buildings and missionary materials.
The Mormon Church: I'm lovin' it!

It was not confirmed, at the time of this writing, if the Church would authorize the granting of indulgences. Also, the initial idea of "drive-through" Sacrament distribution was scrapped due to the relatively high fuel prices prevalent in European markets.

BCC wants to be bigger, better, hipper and...well...more T&S-like than T&S, and the past couple of days have seen major accomplishments along those lines. Congratulations! BCC has descended into the downward spiral of petty infighting that spills over into blogspace in the same sophisticated and adroit manner T&S does on occasion.

J.Stapley's "No You're Not One of Us" piece has spun off some related sordid bits. While DMI Dave, formerly of BCC, eagerly distances himself from the fracas and The Chupacabra suggests everyone just chill out, it is plain the BCCers are not ready to douse the fire J.Stapley started. HD/JDC defends J.Stapley (probably because there is a secret BCC club for people with initialized first name letters of "J", given RT/JNS' support; shouldn't be too long before it is revealed Steve Evans' middle name is actually Julius and he starts posting as Super J. Enius), as Amri "note the lack of a J initial in my name" Brown points out all this petty tripe is a great load of rubbish.

Just look at all of these purveyors of Bloggernacle® obsessing about Bloggernacle®. Really, who gives a baboon's cheeky red bum what any of these people think? I don't care if their first initial is J. or not, for the life of me cannot understand why anyone else does. J.Stapley doesn't like angsty DAMUs? So what? Who cares what some preppie history-major-wannabe who wants to be so-cool-yeah-i-am-in-a-band in Seattle thinks?

For the piece de resistance, two BCC permabloggers will resign and be moved to emeritus status. Naturally they should be females, given T&S' lead. And, it will be great fodder for a "Hey why aren't there more female permabloggers in the Big Group Blogs" type post, which will devolve into banal sexism arguments.

Uh oh, J. Stapley stepped in it (hurry, go to FMH and write a guest post about it!). Not only does he attempt to dictate BCC policy and get slapped for it, he tromps on the DAMU and gets chastised for it! Imagine that, the offensive are easily offended (the best defense is to be easily offended, right?). Oh, poor J. Worst of all, nobody came in and praised him with choruses of "Thank you, Oh, thank you for this" as he so often regales others with. The ingrates!

Tip for all budding narcissists: Step on a bear trap instead, as it may generate some sympathy for you. But, do take off your penny loafers first, as you wouldn't want them to get scuffed up.

Last week's top narcissist was Guy Murray. Who? You know, that guy who in concert with M0's Geoff B keeps the Bloggernacle abreast of every move Mitt Romney makes. Oh, yeah, that guy. Well, like any good aspiring narcissist, Guy is quick on his feet at directing traffic to his blog to increase his hit count. Being a quick study from the contention, and massive numbers of comments, on recent Bush-hating rabid rants at BCC by RH and HP, Guy follows suit and jumps into the fray to score the highest number of comments ever on a blog post. Natch, he follows it up with another one to keep the momentum rolling, but interest peters out quickly when readers realize they are being played.

And, lest his mentors think he has gone all left-wing and thereby endanger his much-aspired-too guest bloggering, he returns to the source of his inspiration to castigate them sharply for their obvious excesses. Good on you Guy for helping to reign in Ronan's "light speeches", "excess of laughter" and "superfluity of naughtiness", providing ample backlinks to your own blog.


Note to all aspiring narcissist bloggers: Follow Guy's example assiduously and you too will enjoying higher hit counts, riding boldly and bravely on the coat tails of others down well-worn paths to glory.

Scabbers Wormtail lashed out at his master today in an effort to ingratiate himself with those whom he has previously disenfranchised through self-promoting treachery. When asked for a comment regarding the apparent insult, Lord Voldemort stated in a matter-or-fact manner, "Let the permabores be warned, his devotion is nothing more than cowardice. He would not be at T&S if he had anywhere else to go."

Covertly obtained correspondence between Scabbers and the permabores, obtained at great personal risk and sparing no expense to obtain, is as follows:

"Adam, Adam, what could I have done? The Dark Lord... you have no idea ... he has weapons you can't imagine ... I was scared, Adam, I was never brave like you and Matt and Russell. I never meant it to happen ... He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named forced me ... He -- he was taking over everywhere! Wh -- what was there to be gained by refusing him? You don't understand! He would have killed me, Adam!"

One of the less polite female permabores, stated of Scabbers,

"Hero-worshiped Oman and Harris. Never quite in their league, talent-wise. I was often rather sharp with him ... Stupid boy ... Foolish boy .. .He was always hopeless at blogging..."

As reported a couple of weeks ago John Dehlin pulled the plug on MoSto because it was eclipsing the rest of his life. Since taking it down, he has been smothererd with the DAMUnacle's love and has realized it needs to be resurrected. Yes, for the paltry sum of only $2000/month it will go back online. And for $4000/month John will grow it into a veritable hub of all things Mormon and Media, casting himself as Jon Stewart, Tim Russert, Charlie Rose and Ken Burns all wrapped up into one charming Mormonism questioning media vanguard. Wow, John, now that is the kind of narcissism I love and respect. But why stop there John? Pull in David Letterman, Jay Leno and then cast your future in parallel to Ted Turner, Rupert Murdoch and Sir Richard Branson as well. You can be the Head DAMU! Now, all you have to do is convince a group of people who are united by their hatred of all things Mormons, and little else, to unite under your banner and give you money.

UPDATE: John weighs in on the comments to let people know what is going on in his life and with the MoSto blogsite.

Being an unapolagetic narcissist, I am all about self love. But this is just way too much!

This installment of Narcissist of the Week (NotW) comes a bit early, but with a series of performances so stunning there is no possibility it could be outdone. Maybe added to, but never outdone. With a veritable narcissism trifecta, who could possibly hold a candle to this bright and shining spotlight?

First up Julie brilliantly defends her literary approach to the Gospel of Mark by steadfastly and articulately crushing all naysayers beneath her feet. Since she is right, and she knows she is right, why listen to anyone else, let alone respond to their inane and banal questions? I know I wouldn't, because I am right, all the time, no matter what.

Then, Julie slaps down DMI Dave in the comments on an ExpoII thread, and takes it on over to a full-fledged post on T&S to give Dave the drubbing he deserves, and so none of her adoring fans will miss her sublime ingenuity in the comments of a relatively obscure blog. Heck yeah, that is so totally what I would have done. I mean, T&S is there as her personal pedestal, to bask in her glory, so why not use it to flail the enemies of righteousness and correct interpretations? Similar to the her performance in the Leprous Temple thread noted above, she handily makes her point and dispatches all naysayers. Why be gracious, when you are right, and it is all his fault?

Finally, Julie deigns to shows forth her exemplary erudition in New Testament scholarship by endorsing a book that would be acceptable for pedestrain laymen, like the typical unin[it]iated Bloggernacle reader. Ah, what a breath of fresh air! Natch, Julie points out all of the problems with the text, having spotted them all, owing to her obvious expertise in the subject, so as to spare the dullards of the Bloggernacle any confusion or doubt over being misinformed. Grateful we are, Julie! May you always lead us into the paths of defensible non-free-for-all scriptural interpretations! After I get my copy, will you personally sign it with a glowing endorsement (less the bad bits, which I will allow you to personally comment on in the margins)?

All Hail Julie M. Smith, Paragon of Charity, Diplomacy and Brilliant Exegesis!

She will be an example to us all, forever and always.

The Sunstoned Blog declares itself to be

An open forum examining the rich spiritual, intellectual, social and artistic qualities of Mormon history and contemporary life.

That's all fine and good. They explore the far reaches of intellecutalism in the hopes of proving once and for all they are smarter than the average blogger.

Well, Scot Denhalter is going to have to subtract himself from the smart guy list. Either that, or he's going to have to learn how to use the spell-check function of his word processor. Of all the places to make a spelling error, the title line is the most obvious.


So much for intelligence.

I love blogging because at its very core it is an exercise in self-indulgent excess. It is all about me and how clever I am and why you should pay attention to me and my ramblings. Because of that, I, the sNarcissist, am introducing a new feature highlighting prominent, exemplary, stunning and extraordinary feats of self-absorption in blogging. Examples to us all. Pillars in the Bloggernacle.

This week: Connor Boyack's Conundrums

Just click on the link above, and when you get there, refresh it over and over again. You will have the utter pleasure of seeing lots of pictures of Connor. Most people hide from stalkers. Not Connor. This single 20something man is eager to be stalked, since his blogging is interfering with is his dating prospects.

If you can get past the seemingly endless Connor photo cascade and redundant links to all of his latest shindigs, including being the top ranked listing at his own Sustain'd, move on to the posts wherein he answers questions nobody has asked of him, brags up his Mom (who writes books Ms. Smith isn't all that impressed with, so now she has the opportunity to judge her writings by Connor's online activities, not that Ms. Smith would ever judge anyone), praises Hitler for insights which closely match his own, praises his own orthodoxy and mormanity, and so on and so on. No wonder he is having trouble finding a help meet. Me? I have Echo. Connor? He disparages Democrats and Republicans alike, so I guess he is going to marry himself a Constitution Party Hottie, at least as hot as he is.

Awww, yeah, should be easy!
Mackin the babes that believe 9/11 was a lie!

Next week: You

John "I heart DAMU" Dehlin's Mormon Stories has been shut down. The usual rumors swirl around ("It got too big for him", "He couldn't deal with the fame", "It was eclipsing his real life", "His membership was threatened by the Church", "His dog ate the hard drive"). But, the sNarcissist knows the truth, as only the sNarcissist could. Here is what really happened: Brandon Flowers was the last person John posted on. Now Brandon is a lovely boy, almost every bit as lovely as me. But, he has this whole "and you can't be a Mormon and be cool! But I'm trying my best!" thing going on, and then John outs him on the Bloggernacle. Humiliated by the extraordinary social force in Mormonism that the Bloggernacle is, Brandon was publicly embarrased in front of all Mormondom and swore vengeance on Dehlin for it. So, he used his Rock n' Roll powers of influence to have John's site taken down to spare him any further problems among the Mormon community, who still think Flowers is the neatest thing since Donny O. Oh, It is so sad when someone's pride gets the best of them and they throw a little tantrum like this, but this is just a lesson to all in the Bloggernacle: Don't mess with poweful pretty boys, they will kill you.

Rumor has it Steve "Super Genius" Evans is going to resurrect his weekly curelom-laden podcast to fill the void left by Dehlin on all Mormon's iPods. If you do, please do have Mark Butler on as a guest, as he is no doubt going to send the Millennial Star arcing through the Nacle sky like a comet.

While I’d normally stick to snarking ‘nacle posts, the Nacle has been rather uninterestingly boring of late. When I need a good laugh, I check the BYU Newsnet to see what controversy is stirring amongst the Cougars in Provo. Yesterday’s Daily Universe was no disappointment.

(Partial Disclosure – I am a BYU grad, in case that matters.)

It seems that this past Tuesday’s devotional featured dance performances. The Cougarette Dance Team performed a routine choreographed to the hymn Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing. I didn’t see the routine, so I can’t really comment on whether or not it was well done. However, should you want a review, you could ask Heidi McLaren or Rebecca Fluckiger – two BYU students who watched the performance and were, by their own admission, shocked, appalled, and horrified.

It drove them to such hysteria they were inspired to use a big descriptive word to illustrate their feelings. They described the performance as blasphemous. Take a few centuries off the calendar and blasphemy could get you stoned, burned, or otherwise deprived of life itself. Yes, somehow a Cougarette dance team managed to stray into the realm of irreverence and profanity.

That, for me, is just a bit of a stretch. More likely, however, is the possibility that Heidi and Rebecca fall into the category of church member which believes any use of hymns outside the chapel is heresy. These young women remind me of girls who would audibly gasp in surprise and near horror when I would crack open a can of Mountain Dew in the Wilk to wash down my lunch. And here I thought the Footloose mentality was limited to a movie shot in Lehi.

Memo to Heidi and Rebecca: Dear Sisters, loosen up! You obviously missed or did not even bother to read The Preacher’s counsel regarding dance. Just because somebody’s use of music and dance does not conform to your narrow interpretation of “acceptable” doesn’t mean it’s vile, irreverent, or profane.

You both might want to think about that before you go unsheathing a word you picked up from your Old Testament class vocabulary list.

Why start at the bottom like everyone else, when you can promote yourself to box number one on your own index site? That is precisely what any self-respecting narcissist would do, and that is what endears me to DKL. His unapologetic willingness to put himself first, where he belongs, is a sterling example to all of us. Why feign humility when it is just an act of deception? Nope, when you are number one, you may as well shout it from the roof tops. Nice work, DKL, and all you others as well. Especially great kudos on that original and innovative blog design, it is almost as beautiful as you, but nowhere near as beautiful as me.

... blogs*.

The FMH gals have been taking their measurements, and now share them with the world!

The results? The FMH girls are well-endowed with plenty of web traffic. And that's good news, because the Nacle loves girls with big... blogs.

And, ouch! While strutting her stuff, fmhLisa suggests that Julie and Rosalynde are padding!

* Sheesh, what were you thinking?? Didn't you guys listen to conference at all? Tsk tsk, boys, how dare you stare like that!

T&S Permabore Russell Arden Fox is mad.


He’s outraged. He’s downright furious at every single Mormon in Congress. He’s so mad his anger even extends to those church members who were within a 15 mile radius of the capitol building last Thursday when the Congress passed legislation detailing requirements for the detention and interrogation of foreign thugs who would like nothing better than to blow up as many Americans as possible.

I think it can be safely said that a good percentage of Nacclites lean to the left side of the political spectrum. Any post remotely related to US politics, the Global War on Terror, or similar subjects has only to be up for a matter of hours before President Bush is compared to Hitler, Vice-President Cheney is compared to Mussolini, and Donald Rumsfeld is declared to be the Devil Incarnate.

While Russell does admit the problems inherent with putting thugs like Khalid Sheikh Mohammed on trial in an open forum which would make the OJ trial look like an afternoon with Judge Judy, he offers no alternative. Terrorist thugs should be granted all the rights of due process in the federal court system despite the fact that if they were not manacled to the defense table they’d be attempting to bring the building down.

While I will agree with Russell on the fact that the Constitution was written and established by “wise men….raised up” for that purpose, I believe Russell missed a very important part of the document they wrote. When referencing war, the founders gave specific powers to two of the three branches of government. Congress has the authority to declare war. The President, acting in his role as Commander-in-Chief of the Armed Forces, has the authority to wage war. Conspicuously absent from any role in war declaring or war fighting is the Judicial Branch.

Perhaps the Founders were well read in Shakespeare and perceived the dangers inherent in fighting a war on the floor of a courtroom.

Keep in mind there are many who support exactly what you have so elequently written here!!!! And most of all, that is me, me, ME! There aren't enough exclamation points for me to insert here to explain how much I agree with you, and how much I want to guest post on T&S, because we are all peas in a pod. Yes, Russell, I could have written it a little better myself, but I have been so busy with other pressing issues, so thank you so very much for so articularly speculating on Joseph Smith's alleged position on an issue he obviously would have agreed with us on. I mean, any politicians who agree with us are obviously inspired and any we disagree with are clearly childish and craven. That just goes without saying, but thanks for saying it. I mean, who are these people anyway? It isn't like they know anything at all about law, politics or any of that stuff. We are obviously better able to tell them how to govern, I mean, come on. I think it is time for some grandstanding, because the terrorists have won if we don't do a little granstanding so we can force a fundamental change in our societal framework. I mean...oh, whatever. Yeah, it is just so obvious that anyone who takes the Sacrament should be totally against this...this...this...deflowering of our virgin daughters. Not that I have any daughters, but if I did, it would be like that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And America is so much like the Khmer Rouge. Oh, its so awful it makes a person not want to be an American! Oh, wait, I'm Greek. Yay for me! I don't have to part of this awful, oppressive regime that tramples on the Constitutional rights of people who aren't even citizens!!! But, I will still complain about it vehemently to prove I am against the American Mormon Church mainstream. Yippee!!!!! But, I would still like to be the gazillionth person to say I agree fully, totally and 100%ly with Russell, because he, like me, really knows what he is talking about and is totally right...I mean left...I mean...right in being left...correct that is. Like me. Because I am always ri...correct.