Guest post by Straight and Narrow Blog Boy


On a recent thread, Supergenius remarked:

Jettboy’s remarks represent the worst that is in mormonism: a lofty sense of pride coupled with an eagerness to build up our sense of righteousness at the expense of others. I hold Jettboy’s comments up as an example of what I hate most in our religious culture. Perhaps, by writing this post, I am falling prey to the same trap as Jettboy — denouncing another mormon to build up my own persona. I hope that’s not the case, but a part of me fears it’s true. Mostly, though, I want him to apologize for those remarks. He owes me a personal apology, as well as the rest of you.

I don’t care about popularity. All I care about is that my opinions are made available. I won't be apologizing, because I call them as I see them, and that is all that counts. And you can get all the left-wing commie pinkos that inhabit and infect the Bloggernacle to gang up on me. What really is the worst about mormonism is the way you ridicule people, like me. But I set my face like a flint before people like you who will smite me,, I know that I will not be ashamed. I don't care as long as my ideas are out there, to counteract your nutjob ones with the truth about how I personally have come to believe that there was both Evolution and a literal Fall of Adam and Eve where they were taken out of “mortal time and place” and put into an immortal “bubble” where they interactated with Eternity. It is there they went from metaphorically “cro-mag” to “homo-sap” through Covenant. You know its a true doctrine, Steve, if you weren't so hard-hearted and stiff-necked you would study it out and pray about it, as I have spent so much time studying the Scriptures, and then know it is true, which just proves my point, that you railed against me and not Eric Nielsen because I herald the Truth as Revealed to the Prophets and interpreted by me, through poetry. If anyone owes someone an apology it is you, for hosting such a spurious left-wing blog full of people who are not straight and narrow and filled with hate for mormon culture. And me prideful? Ha! Who goes around calling themselves "Supergenius" all the time? Not me. No way, not Straight and Narrow Boy, there is no way I would pick such a self-righteous pseudonym, suggesting I am flying high up above all others. I mean, really, Steve, like posting such a thing on the front of your Big Crap Collection would shame me into apologizing. Get real. All that is doing is proving to my conservative pals at Blogger of Jared what a brave and outspoken hero I am and how evil you are.

Nacle drop out Ryan Bell has started a blog that allegedly is going to "explain Mitt and Mormonism to an Underinformed World". And in 10 days of blogging, Ryan has yet to explain anything about Mormonism or Mitt. All he is doing is posting reactionary comments to other media links. Bashing Mitt bashers and talking about how stupid they are. Brilliant start. Hopefully he will get around to explaining some of these hot button topics soon, since it is getting actual press coverage, in a manner that will not make Mormonism look "wierd." I, for one, cannot wait for Ryan to tackle pre-OD2 Black Lesbian Polygynous Priesthood Ordaining Blood Atonements where beer from Moesers is served and make it palatable for all Evangelical Mormon-hating Republicans wo are determined to undermine Mitt's candidacy, not to mention all those Democrats waiting in the wings to see if he even makes it out of the gates.

In response to recent well-placed and inspired criticism from expert sources in the know, the LDS Church has released designs for new chapels meant to cater to the needs of young mothers. The new design will place a large indoor playground at the center of the structure with an entire hall on the East side of the building of spacious single-serve bathrooms, each complete with padded changing table, home made quilt, an array of diapers and stocked diaper-wipe warmer, vibrating leather reclining massage chairs and wall-mounted plasma TVs showing the Family Learning Channel 24/7. The west hall will be a modern food court style serving area where only organic, low-carbon, locally produced snacks and drinks will be served gratis. The North hall will be dedicated to a buffet area where New Mothers can order and pick up nutritious meals as often as they like, at their convenience, for the first 6 months after their most recent birth. The South hall will be dedicated towards stroller and car seat storage.

In a bold move that pleased Dr. Claudia Bushman, all Priesthood offices and public meeting spaces were moved outside into the parking lot and given unpadded stainless steel folding chairs. Dr. Bushman was quoted as saying, "Well its about time the injustice of all these years has finally been corrected! The horror, suffering and oppression of having to put strollers and car seats into the coat rooms has finally come to an end. The tyranny of small mother's lounges is over!"

I always wanted to be rich and famous. But you know what? DKL and Dehlin have ruined it for me. I mean, seriously, if DKL can be a millionaire and Dehlin can be the latest go-to guy for the anti-Mitt mainstream media, then it really takes the shine off hanging with the "in" crowd. Sure, sure, you can party with Diddy, go clubbing with Paris Hilton, and be on MTV Cribs, but, I don't know, that sort of thing just doesn't appeal to me. Getting famous off criticizing the Church and then constantly trying to convince people you are not criticizing the Church, that just doesn't seem worth it. And trying to get your 5M plus 2.5M in interest from guys who will do everything they can to keep it from you, that just doesn't sound fun either, since they have moved all of their assets offshore and already have their bankrupty paperwork filled out and ready to file. With my luck, Lindsy Lohan would do a Lizzie Grubman on me and wouldn't even be drunk enough to consent to an autograph I could sell on EBay. I'll take poverty and obscurity, thanks. I don't have to deal with membership-endangering sound bytes or injuring myself with litigous chest beating that way.

P.S., no matter what happens, guys, you will always be a bitter, long-necked brunette housewife who's husband works at a toilet paper factory and an out-of-work blogger who wants the DAMU to support his out-of-control hobby to me.

Dag, yo! 9M is faced by the Mhole. Whattap?

Rusty, turn in your hipster cred at the nearest stormdrain, cuz when Ben is more down with it than you, you are done, dude. W3rd.

DOUBLE SNAP!!! Rusty deleted the evidence!!! Quit frontin, man. Ben busted ya'll straight.

It came to my attention the earlier this month a convention of sorts took place in God’s Country – commonly referred to as the Colorado Rockies. Some of the FMH crowd met up with some DAM women and had a hoedown of sorts and – as blogging was discussed – Team Snarker was mentioned.

While Bored In Vernal point to mention that neither SnarkPics nor SnarkTour were available, Team Snarker would like to clear up a few misconceptions.

First, no Team Snarker pictures were provided because, in keeping with Gospel teaches, we did not want to cause any immoral, unclean, or impure thoughts among the sisterhood in the mountains.

And second, the bottom line is, Team Snarker was mentioned.

I think its kind of like the exchange between Captain Jack Sparrow and Commodore Norrington in Pirates of the Caribbean – The Curse of the Black Pearl

Norrington: You have to be the worst pirate I’ve ever heard of!
Sparrow: Yes, but you have heard of me.

In many ways, Team Snarker really is the Black Pearl of the Bloggernaccle. Our work is predominately sniping at the self-proclaimed ‘Nacle Denziens. They protest, but deep down they’d really rather be a ‘Nacle Pirate.

So, drink up (something inoffensively non-caffinated), me hearties, Yo Ho!

This thread at MorMen is up to 480 comments at posting time and is slowing down, just 20 shy of 500. It is already MorMen's number 1 post. Do your share to bump it up over 500. Come on, do your part!

Given the complete lack of moderation and the wide range and scope of the comments (e.g., exmos like to bad mouth former bishops and the LDS Church, barnacles are an integral and necessary part of the ecosystem, trolls abound while DKL naps, IUDs are a good fit on the cheap, despite appearances dentists are in fact poor, Ron Paul...you are our only hope, WIC is cheaper than interest so use it, the LDS Church needs to get hip with the times, scholarships based upon your waterboarding technique of young children, Wicked King Noah's Tax and Spend policies, on and on and on, etc.), you should be able to post a comment on just about anything at all and be able to tie it into something.

Anybody know what the highest comment count ever is in the Bloggernacle?

Connor and Dan, each proprietors of their own political blogs, have set aside their mutual hatred of George W. Bush long enough to start hating each other. For the past couple of days these two paragons of politics, these edifices of egocentrism, these titans of tripe have been flailing each other with such zeal that those who enjoys boxing, professional wrestling, dog fights, or DKL trollings (admit it, you know you do) are sure to want to pop their heads in for some hot ringside action.

Start out with Professor Boyack's tortured analogy of how America is Constitutionally Apostate (so glad we have a seasoned Constitutional Scholar on the Bloggernacle to assign us reading homework so we can be as learned and knowledgeable about the Truth as he is) and enjoy as Dan and he devolve into absurd caricatures of what the Civil War was really all about and what the War on Terror is really all about.

Then move on to Professor Boyack's foreign policy lesson that centers on why Rudy G is an idiot who is ignorant of all things Iran, unlike himself, obviously. This one devolves into a petty squabble between Dan and Connor over which presidential candidates are most Iran-savvy, and Connor challenges Dan to show which Democrat can "demonstrate their mastery of and consistency with Iranian foreign Policy." Well, clearly, neither Connor nor Dan know anything about Iran at all, or they would be discussing that instead of who does or doesn't.

Today's post by Connor will be a treatise that proves the Bloggernacle is controlled by the Illuminati and is actively working to exclude Ron Paul, the True Champion of the Constitution, from being President. And Dan will say Connor is loopy and it is all Mitt Romney's doing.

One can only give thanks the two of them fighting distracts them from commenting on other people's blogs.

The yawnerifically soporific T&S permabores have racked up a poaching trifecta: Kaimi poaches Jana, Julie poaches Steve, and Rosalynde poaches Dave.

That means there has been no original content this week at T&S. Nope, Sorry, Nate pointing people to work he has published elsewhere and already previously linked to at T&S is not original content.

Bloggermarkle Twain says "Chloroform in 'print'."

UPDATE: What do T&S and Flintstone's Vitamins have in common, besides a lot of inert filler material? Yes! Both can claim 2,000,000 as some sort of alleged indicator of popularity!!! I don't know about you, but reading Russell's apologetic sounding "Hey, yeah, we're kinda crap these days...but we have lined up some big stuff so please don't think we have one foot in the grave" thing is a little disheartening. I mean, yeah, we love making fun of these people, but we really do just plain ol' love them too, warts and all. Yes, even Kaimi, darn it. So, come on guys, don't be all poopy and depressed, just get off your collective butts and start posting substantive stuff. I mean, seriously, that race thing Kaimi did actually did not suck. So, come on, guys, keep it up!

ANOTHER UPDATE!!! WOOHOO!!! I, Snarker Soopreeemus was the 2 Millionth visitor to T&S and I have the proof. So what do I win?

You know a blog post is junk and the comments are rubbish when DKL is the voice of reason.

Paul's advice on this general subject is pretty good. Hard to actually live, but still, something we all really should be aiming for. But, this is just the opposite of Paul's advice.

When an Ex-mormon sits there and faults the Church like this with a story that is almost certainly overblown by an active imagination (dare I even suggest it is biased? NO!). Sorry, T&S, but this just isn't something newsworthy or informative to the Bloggernacle at large. For the self-appointed vanguard of the Bloggernacle, this is the equivalent of pumping bilge into the ship, not out of it.

I, the Bloggernacle Fabio, want to tell these beautiful women how beautiful they are, and they are so smart, and witty, and charming. Yes, yes, it is true my darling, lovely, vivacious ladies. Look into my eyes as I tell you how transcendentally clear they are, and I tell you that I can see your very soul and it reflects your true beauty.

But, that is not all, you women, you blogging women write such virtuosic words of splendor that it makes my heart flutter. If I could only be asked to guest blog at FMH, then my life's ambitions would be fulfilled, as I told all of you how wonderful and beautiful you all are, not just on the outside but on this inside, where your true eternal beauty lies.

You DAM women, you steal my very heart!!! And, you, you little flirt, doing that split! You temptress!

Now you may swoon and collectively sigh over my pictures and peruse my blog. You must admit, I, yes, even I, the very Bloggernacle Fabio, am the most swoon-worthy. The Johns are nothing, I am the Fabio!!!