Guy Murray wants to see prominent Bloggernacle personalities pose for charity. Since Guy is such the prominent personality himself, and a natural born leader who isn't afraid to break new ground, it only seems appropriate for him to lead the pack. And, so, we present to you: Guy Murray Exposed!

Hot, or not?

When not getting pedicures and doing guest commercial spots, Miss Piggy reads T&S. Who knew? We do now, because she actually left a comment this time. Another feather in the hat of T&S, garnering the celebrity Muppet vote of readership. In case you are wondering what Moi was referring to, DMI...err...T&S Dave sums it up, effectively hamstringing Nate's legalese. It looks like the discussion has stalled, probably because of nausea, meaning ronito's snarky prediction will go unfulfilled. Is it sadder that T&S's behavior has become so predicable or that discussion is so lackluster?

A recent post on FPR offers useful insight into the past, present, and possible future of FPR. The past month (8/2007-9/2007) is a hodgepodge of topics, themes, and approaches. They address ancient and modern scripture trivia, tangents in Mormon history, occasionally debate with evangelical commentators, pay tribute to an ageing Mormon historian, book reviews, a review of Terryl Givens, and a couple of off-topic posts. This month's content on FPR is, indeed, a many-sided thing.

Glancing across the landscape of Mormon blogs, it is easy to see where many of these contributions might have been posted. In fact, almost all of them would have readily found a place within T&S or BCC or MM or the Mormon Wasp. There are three categories of writing that wouldn’t migrate as easily to other venues, and it is these that make FPR different: (1) the permablogger's (and guest's) rambling, idiosyncratic, indulgent reflections on whatever topical matters he (and we do mean "he" since Mogget isn't posting anymore, much to FPR's detriment) feels like writing about; (2) collections of Scripture trivia (which are largely just distillations of odd stuff they learn in class); and (3) tete-a-tetes with average, unschooled Mormons regarding scriptural interpretation.

Let’s consider for a moment each of these three categories, taken in reverse order, and think through what they might suggest about the future of FPR in its institutional, scholarly, and blogging roles.

In the area of blogging, FPR seems to be rapidly losing ground to Waters of Mormon, in terms of coverage, impact, and limelight. The Bloggernacle has been all atwitter over the new WofM blog. WofM has a pretty blogsite, hosts big conversations, and has attracted big names.

On the second category: Scripture debates have long been a specialty of FPR posts, but here too the field is changing. Note that FPR has been doing little but trivia and speculation revolving around sexual themes. Gone are the substantive posts where Scriptural texts are treated exegetically. In this area too, then, the relevance of FPR seems to be dwindling.

The first category, finally, is FPR's turn towards it being a personal Rameumpton for proclaiming the Truth as they see it, spitting on their critics, and sorting out the Good, the Bad, and the Pathetic. The ignorant TBMs are at the gates and the FPR troops are now shouldering the burden to beat them into the ground. Perhaps FPR is tired of giving in to their long-time critics, so they have silently acknowledged that the caustic tone and steady barrage of personal insults will wear out their readers and, who knows, perhaps lead them to victory. Many are by now familiar with their reactions to criticism. Let’s call it The FPR Three-Step. First, seek to overwhelm your critics with your unparalleled education and extraordinary grasp of rhetoric. Second, deny that you are appealing to credentialism or using sophistry. Third, wait for some old friend to come out of the woodwork in support of FPR. (To which we might add a fourth step: Carry on, carry on.)

Many of FPR's online posts have taken a more caustic tone lately. They seems fully aware that FPR is losing some ground, some relevance—partly, I should emphasize, as a result of its own former success. The organization of the Bloggernacle as a broad umbrella of Mormon bloggers has decentralized power structures and is fickle in whom they follow. Put differently, it may slowly fade away, diffused into other blogs and fora.

Ten months from now, will FPR still exist?

...Tis strong and bright and true...Except when it isn't.

But, regardless, R. Gary, faithful upholder of all things CES/JFS/BRM on the Bloggernacle, adamantly takes Julie M. Smith to task for trying to reconcile Scriptural texts with empirical data when it comes to Noah's Flood.

Gary, Gary, Gary, when are you going to see the difference between correlated CES material and the Scriptures themselves? How many mistakes in interpretation do GA's have to make before we realize they are just fallible humans, not to be venerated? How many quotes from Joseph Smith do we have to read about how he rejects being overly dogmatic when it comes to points of doctrine? Taking people to task in the Bloggernacle is part of what it is all about. Being a dogmatist isn't. Woof.

Blake Ostler, patron saint of speculators, has ignored requests to link guest posts at NCT to his web page. Kiss someone's butt and then get slapped in the face for it? Ouch. Something tells me Blake will not be guest posting at NCT anymore. Hmmm, now why wouldn't Blake want to be associated with NCT? Anyone?

UPDATE: Since rejecting NCT requests to link his own posts there at NCT, Blake has again posted at NCT. Make sense? Only if you are running a blog with so little clout that you will gladly sell your own soul and eat humble pie day and night in exchange for the tiniest bit of credibility that might transfer through osmosis. NCT permabores anonymously LOLing at Blake's posting are only nervously trying to hide the facts. LOL all you like, you are still rejects. Shame on me, Snarkimus Prime, for assuming Geoff would have enough spine to stand up to Blake's obvious affront. Never again will that mistake be made, oh Jelly Fish of the MoArchipelago.

Here we were hoping we were on a first name basis with our little buddy Mr. Greenwood, Esq. Mr. Greenwood, from this point on, we expect you return the favor and refer to us (the royal we) as Mr. Prime, thank you very much.

Kage is running out of novel material, so she is taking a page from the FMH manual of Standard Operating Procedures and posting on her bathroom habits. Way to keep it classy, girl. How long before she totally sells out FMH style and starts talking about her sex life and how often she jills off?

P.S., Kage, honey, you can sit there and pretend you don't read SnarkerNacle, but there is no way you can convince us you can possibly keep yourself from reading about yourself. Call it a hunch.

Nephrite does not equal Nephite, Jaedite does not equal Jaredite, blah blah blah! Needless discussion!

Kaimi neglects to recognize the truthiness of President Gonzales' missionary experience. Perception is everything. It's certainty in the uncertain world of missionary life.

Although I usually hesitant to double snark a single Nacle Post, for Steve Evans, I’ll make an exception.

Steve has made it clear he doesn’t like George W. Bush. I’m sure if Nancy Pelosi held an open call for lawyers willing to impeach the president, Steve would run over Bambi to be first in line.

Let’s leave aside for the moment the fact the country is at war with a ruthless enemy whose goal in life is to behead all beardless men and burka-less women. The biggest threat to world peace isn’t Islamofacism, but rather the Evil Bush Cabal.

Steve isn’t concerned about the creeping influence of Sharia on the world his children will live in. He’s worried that somehow, some Bush/Cheney/Rove sympathizer might somehow slip some Rovian-seeded thoughts into his children’s Primary lesson.

To pre-empt this possibility, Steve has come up with a “pre-recommend” interview to be given prior to the actual temple recommend interview and weekly thereafter (as opposed to the bi-yearly recommend interview – after all, those interviews “don’t pick up on every moral ill.”).

1. Did you vote for the evil Bush Cabal in 2000? If so, have you completed the requisite repentance steps inclusive of the requisite personal declaration that Al Gore should now be President?

2. Do you now, or have you ever, sympathized with, given aid or comfort to, or otherwise supported any policy put forth by the Bush/Cheney/Rove Regime? Such behavior includes, but is not limited to blatantly driving a gas guzzling SUV with a Bush/Cheney 2000/2004 bumper sticker, spending your tax cut money however you see fit, and last but certainly not least, outwardly displaying anything which can remotely be construed as [gasp] Republican.

3. Have you physically participated in an Anti-Bush rally? If no, please give a detailed explanation for your behavior.

4. Do you believe Dick Cheney is a Sith Lord? If not, why not?

5. Were you responsible in any way, shape, manner or form for the evil Bush/Cheney/Rove Cabal’s return to power in 2004? If so, have you performed the modern equivalent to a “sack-cloth and ashes” ritual to atone for this evil act?

And here I thought the left side of the political (and Nacle) sphere was supposed to embrace “diversity of thought” and refrain from judging others. So much for acceptance of and tolerance for any views which diverge from their own.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go write the Waterboarding manual for the High Priest's Group.

I understand the importance of getting good grades, but these girls seem to have it backwards. When I was in school, I always tried my best to get A's. B's may get degrees, but C's and D's won't get you into the Y, ladies.

The Snarker spider is the Echelon of the ‘Nacle – endlessly trolling for snarkable material. Today it found this chorus emanating from ZD:

I don't like to see the temple,
I'm not going there today.
'Cause I'm not getting married
and no mission's on the way.

C'mon girls, don't you read the 'nacle? You can still run through your neighborhood in a sports bra without the R.S. sisters juding you . And, your potential husbands can still ogle you like sweaty construction workers.

Steve Evans is alarmed that waterboarding was developed and sanctioned by people who could be sitting in his very own church meetings. Steve obviously hasn't heard that these tactics were refined while these guys served in local ward callings. They had some of the best home teaching stats anywhere, let me tell you.

Setting: The PPI. No tablecloth or refreshments. Two folding chairs, one table with velcro tie-restraints, 50-gallon culinary-grade water storage container from "BePrepared.com".



EQP: Brother Jones, thank you for taking time to meet with me today.



Jones: No problem. Hey, what's with the water tank?




EQP: Never mind that, Brother Jones. Just answer the questions and we'll have you outta here in a jiffy. Tell me, how are your home teaching families?



Jones: They're doing great.




EQP: Really... So, you're visiting them regularly?



Jones: Oh, definitely.




EQP: So... you were there last month?



Jones: Last month, let's see... uhhh.. yeah, I probably saw them last month.




EQP: Uh huh. Are you sure?



Jones: Uhhhm, sure.




EQP: (Sighs) Brother Jones, I want to believe you. I'm willing to look past the blue shirt, the mix-and-match suit colors, even your lace-free loafers. But I received an email from Sister Hadley--just yesterday--asking "Who are my home teachers?" Why would she ask that, Brother Jones, if you just visited her?



Jones: Dementia?




Door opens, three men enter.




EQP: You will remember my "counselors", I'm sure. The guy in the middle is my secretary. Brethren, let's get started. Strap him down.




Jones: Wait!! Wait!! I'll talk! Okay, okay, I admit.. I have no idea who Sister Hadley is. I wouldn't know her if I tripped over her! I promise I'll do my home teaching next time, just give me one more chance!



EQP: That's better, Brother Jones. Thank you for your willingness to serve.

Lisa was a prophet, tho she surely did not know,
Isaiah ain't got nuthin when mind puke she does blow;
Nudge them True Blues out, she attacks the orthodox,
She will blog forever on a disconnected box.

Follow the Bloggers, Follow the Bloggers, Follow the Bloggers,
marriage should be gay.
Follow the Bloggers, Follow the Bloggers, Follow the Bloggers,
priestess should hold sway.



Hmmm, looks like the Bloggernacle will end up in number 8, or maybe 7. Tough call.

A woman used the Bloggernacle to talk about her unorthodox religious views with her girlfriends. Despite her explicit instructions to keep the matter secret from her mother, relatives of said woman let on to her mother that she was blogging in public on her unorthodox views. Mother investigated and ended up discovering her daughter’s unorthodoxy. They’re estranged and the woman is suing WordPress for damages.

Even if her jurisdiction does not make blogging a crime, the suit should be dismissed. The fact that the law does not prohibit a conduct does not mean that one has a legally compensable right to the conduct.

We like to joke here that LDSelect is LDSdefect, but that joke has become literally true for the past few days. I think it is on day 3 of irritating "You are being redirected" links you have to click to get through in Firefox and 404 errors in IE6. DKL, I realize you are a busy guy counting your imaginary millions, but can you fix the website please? Or are you too busy coming up with your next blog post about wanking? I mean, when a Snarker has to use the MoArch to get around, you are just being sadistic, and that is not cool.

P.S., DKL, you are temporarily exempted from the banning here at SnarkerNacle for this one post only so you can attempt to explain yourself, although I don't see how you can as long as your site is dang busted.

When it comes to poop, nobody can hold a candle to FMH. So, MorMen has sold it soul and branched out into all things penile. Wanking and whizzing is where its at when it comes to the guys there. Next up on Springer: Circumcision and foreskin reconstruction, genital piercing and codpieces, and the men who love talking about them. If this ruse is successful in increasing MM's traffic, FMH will take up the "V" theme with relish in the continuing "Least Common Denominator Rules" battle for ratings.

For those of you Nacclites living under a rock or a remote corner of Death Valley, you might not know about Friday’s passing of President James E. Faust, Second Counselor in the First Presidency.

Most of the Naccle behaved in an honorable fashion – several posted tributes to the late Apostle. I’m sure I’ve missed a few and for that I apologize.

Upon hearing of President Faust’s passing, I couldn’t help but wonder how long it would take some Nacclite to start the “Who’s Got Next” guessing game. Most church members I associate with seemed to think the most appropriate time to start that exercise in the hypothetical would be sometime after the funeral. I tend to agree.

Sadly, the class-less-ness of the Naccle reared its head before funeral arrangements could even be made. Here are the winners:

First place – Our Thoughts (or lack thereof). Kim’s post hit the wires at 3:17 pm EST.

Runner up is found at BCC where Natalie wasted little time hoping the next apostle will have a background in something other than business or law. The Church is a multi-billion dollar transnational entity and she wants to disqualify the two fields of study most likely to be useful at the top echelons of its leadership. Of course, the obligatory “it can’t be a she (yet)” comment was included.

Sigh.

Natalie waited almost a full twelve hours to post her “what’s next” piece.

There’s something wrong with those who can’t even give the Faust family and the Church but a few hours to mourn the passing of such a great man before they set about wondering who will fill his chair.

I have wanted to snark the comments on this ExmoII thread, but couldn't come up with anything other than "Hey, let's all talk about how smart we are, and take President Hinckley totally out of context so we can badmouth the Church". So the Brothers Chaps did it for me. I can totally see the conversations between Caroline and her husband as figments of her imagination. And Kaimi's comment definitely got him so extra extra-closetal blogging time on the family puter.

Bored in Vernal, of the "notapostate" blog, is attending the Sunstone Symposia in SLC and, GA's be damned, she wants to bear her testimony that the Sunstone Symposia is inspired! According to her own testimony Ms. BiV "just felt the Spirit stronger than I have in the past year" (been to Church or the Temple lately? Maybe you don't feel the Spirit there because they will not allow you give Priesthood blessings and anoint people?). Now, BiV, let me get this strait here. You felt the spirit at a presentation by a non-member who was critical of the LDS Church leadership because of trite, rehearsed jargon and failing to take ownership, who felt dissidents were the most interesting subjects and who praised Joseph Smith's ruthlessness and experimentation with his many selves. Right. Yeah. Sure. Now which spirit is it that you felt? Would any of the other Bloggernacle participants there at Sunstone like to bear their testimonies too?

With so many Bloggernacle regulars there at Sunstone, you have to wonder whether Sunstone has infected the Nacle or the Nacle has overrun Sunstone. Which is worse? Aside from that, with such overlap, what does that really say about the two groups?

These activists, who do not pay tithing to the LDS Church, are against Teen Sex Education and are actively working to spread FUD by teaching kids romantic feelings can result in pregnancy. They all failed Biology 101, but are zealous in their cause.





Despite the explicit request of EmilyS to not make it a discussion on Gay Marriage, Quimby, in comment 36, wants to let everyone know the LDS Church has got it wrong because she has fasted and prayed about it and has a testimony that Gay Marriage as a civil right is consistent with the teachings and example of Jesus Christ (since Jesus was a civil rights leader in his time, overthrowing the Romans so the Jews might enjoy political autonomy and freedom of religion, and given his clear and consistent practice of advocating special interest rights and endorsing non-traditional marriage, I think she has a point there).

But when RachelH comes out against Gay Marriage in comment 59, she is told to get off Gay Marriage and get on topic by EmilyS in comment 60.

Perhaps Quimby should fast and pray about the comment policies at FMH and let the faithful Mormons who go to FMH know what God's will on them is.

Like most people, we had forgotten the Millennial Black Hole was still part of the Bloggernacle. Imagine our surprise when someone brought the Gay PDA in Sacrament Meeting thread to our attention. While the subject is no laughing matter, the ensuing comments on this thread are. You can see people say any and all PDA at Church should be met with excommunication, discreet sex in the pews would be OK but noisy sex in the aisles wouldn't, offended gays who castigate Mormons for making their equally unrepentant partners feel unwelcome, and people saying repentance is optional for membership in the Church.

Talk about running the full spectrum here: Everyone should be excommunicated to nobody should be excommunicated.

Fortunately for everyone, this just isn't an issue in practical reality. Unfortunately, the Bloggernacle isn't practical.

Being hip is hard. You have to find all this totally obscure, independent film, music and art and then lord it over all your philistine friends and coworkers as a coolness filter. And, of course, what you find cannot suck, or your hipster cred will be shot. Fortunately for Steve, he does not suck (just ask him), as evidenced by his highly evolved and fabulously uber-savvy definition of Hipness:


1) Read Michael Allred's comics,
2) Watch Patton Oswalt's films and comedy,
3) Listen to Irish folk rockers Swell Season, and implicitly listen to NPR and see the movie Once.

If you have not met these criteria, you "live under a rock."


Everyone else is a centipede or roly poly bug, which makes it hard to get to the movies, read comic books or listen to Irish music. Kind of circular logic there, but us bugs cannot think that hard.

Actually, I do not think Steve's criteria are fair. Here is a better one:

1) Defeat the Decepticons, aka Blogging Mormons
2) Be comfortably endomorphic
3) Not be a lawyer

Now that is really cool, Fonzie cool. Oh, and look, Steve has been demoted to a sightless, albino troglodyte. How does it feel, trendmaster?

Bloggernacle participants seeking to make a name for themselves by posing as questioning intellectuals will be gathering together in public so as to brand themselves. Join them if you are seeking to create a marketable mystique suitable for media consumption after you get excommunicated.

DMI Dave thinks the Bloggernacle is 90% trash. I wonder if he would include his own blog in the 10% non-trash. Assuming Dave is right (we think he is being generous; in our estimate it would be 99% trash), why is the Bloggernacle so filled with trash? Obvious! It is filled with Mormons who think they know better and more than the leaders of the LDS Church, as well as whiners who complain about programs they do little or nothing to support or invest in.

The Bloggernacle should change its name to the CognitiveDissonacle, since complaining about the quality of programs in a lay ministry church means the members are at fault for not participating, not the leaders. And, one of the fundamental tenets of the LDS Church is the leadership is supposed to be inspired by revelation. You know, from God. Not by a bunch of whining malcontents who would extend the hand of fellowship to the unrepentant. An awful lot of people in the Bloggernacle who are down with pop social norms forget repentance, humility, and hard work are required, as in "not optional", in the Atonement. Which is why the Bloggernacle is 90% trash, at least, because it is loaded with people who are prideful and lazy. Guess what? Humble, hard-working members of the Church, the salt of the earth, are entirely too busy serving others selflessly to sit around and moan on the Internet.

FMH G wants to get a tatto that is "beautiful and meaningful", can we suggest:


There is not a Bishop in the Church that would censure you for ignoring President GBH's counsel on body mods with this one.

UPDATE: Postsecret take on tattoos:

Snark? Huh?
Read here. And here.

So what's this site about, anyway?
We exist to help the personalities of the Bloggernacle take themselves a little less seriously.

Why do you always seem to pick on [insert blog/blogger name here]?
Why do they keep providing such easy snark fodder? If it's any consolation, it gets boring repeatedly snarking the same target. We like variety in our diet, too.

Sometimes you're [mean] [offensive] [judgemental].
Just like the Bloggernacle, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

You obviously don't understand that scripture about "judge not lest ye be judged"!
I know, right?

You guys need to [take your meds] [get a girlfriend] [get some action] [etc]!
Agreed.

Who appointed you to be the traffic cops of the 'Nacle?
The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that we were to carry Excalibur. That is why we are your snarks.

Instead of wasting your time on a blog, shouldn't you be [studying your scriptures] [doing your home teaching] [working] [taking care of your parents/kids/spouse/family] [exercising] [repenting]?
Probably. By the way, nice to meet you Pot; I'm kettle.

Why didn't you snark [insert blog post here]?
Though we aspire to be omniscient, even we snarks have our limitations. You can always send tips to SnarkTeam at gmail dot com.

Who are you guys, anyway?
Let's just say we're concerned citizens of the bloggernacle.

What kind of name is "Dazzle" or "Shizzle"?
Slavic.

Are you guys as good looking as I imagine?
Even more so. We'd post our pictures, but we don't want to be responsible for faithful women leaving their husbands.

Kage's little girl made a mess in the bathtub so she

"ran for the camera. I should have let her keep playing...I would have gotten a lot more done...but instead, I cleaned it up, like every good mommy should."

And that is where the "good mommy" thing ended, because she then posted pictures of nekkid little girl on the TftC site. Click a few times and you can head over to her personal blog site and discover the name of the little girl in the pictures if you look around, along with a lot of other pictures. Click on her professional site and you can get all kinds of other personal information.

Kristy, you might as well put a sign up in your window that says "PERVERT WACKO STALKERS APPLY HERE" and then add your name and phone number on the bottom. Some anonymous comments at TftC have asked Kage to edit or remove the pics, but they have gone unheeded. Girl, you are asking for trouble. User your head. Protect your kids. You live in NYC, not on some desert island.

Some months back, we here at SnarkerNacle waged a campaign against Beating Dead Horses and it had seemed to have worked. But, now, stuck in the doldrums of Summertime (i.e., the "Horse Latitudes" if you will), the practice has returned. Here is the current poor, expired horse being lacerated ad infinitum:

Are Women More Innately Spiritual Than Men?

While I cannot hardly wait for the M0 point of view, I do look forward to the next installment of Rusty's bannerrific lampoon thereof.

I don't know about the answer to that question, but as far as blogs go, as long as FMH is around, nobody in the Bloggernacle can seriously argue women bloggers are more innately righteous.

UPDATE: Dehlin jumps on the glue factory wagon.

DKL, in his usual self-effacing manner, wants to point out what a great thing Mormon Matters is. Natch, he is part of the "celebrity panel" for this edition, so while it might have always been a great thing this is the first time he plugs it. Coincidence?

To boil it down, Mormon Matters is John Dehlin, Blogcaster Extraordinaire, interviewing Bloggernacle regulars on current Mormon topics. Yes, that is right. You can not only read the ruminations of Bloggernacle regulars, you can also hear them ruminate. Wow. Can I tell you how long I have been wanting to hear DKL's voice? But, wait, no, it is hip, because it is a podcast!!! So that makes it better how?

The whole point of blogging is readers can weigh into the discussion. This Mormon Matters podcast thing takes it back to old-school broadcast and makes it impossible for listeners to participate. May as well be listening to the radio in your car as far as participatory discussion goes.

So, in other words, Mormon Matters is a Bloggernacle vanity project where Nacle regulars get to hear the sound of their own voice on their computer, which is music to their own ears. Right, DKL?

Kevin Barney posts:

...when I was clerking at a law firm after my second year of law school, and apparently the other clerk, a woman, was crushin’ on me a little bit, just assuming that I wasn’t married since I didn’t wear a ring. When she asked me out...

Occasionally women have shown an interest in me over the years (it seems to happen on the train from time to time for some reason)...

It's not your money, it's not your rugged jaw line, it's not your theology. It's your watch. Some girls just go for a Target Timex.

UPDATE:



Kevin as a Simpsonesque cartoon character. Hmmmm. Improvement over the original, or no?

Zo, Kaimi, you zeem to have diz perziztent preoccupation mit Dialogue, ya? Conzidering vich article iz bezt, I can underztand diz, but poztal rates affecting zirculation? Diz zeems a bit...vat do I call it? Obzezzive? Poztal raights have gone up in zee past and it haz conzerned no one, yes? Vy now be conzerned? Hmmm? Dis Dialogue, I am perzonally unfamiliar mit it, but dis magazine, it is mit BCC, yes? Your arch enemy? Your rival? Do you feel angry zey are mit BCC and not your blog? Hmmm? Zo, Kaimi, tell me about your Mother.

If we had said the "F" in FMH stood for "filth", there would have been an uproar. But, if Sunstone says it, then it is OK. More than OK, it is welcome, and the idea FMH is rated "G" is spurned! How dare they rate us "G"! So they backlink to the infamous Sex Post to prove they are not "G." Congratulations, girls, you are more like Ezekiel 23 than Isaiah 52.